"Though we cannot make our sun stand still, yet we will make him run."
Blue, resist the urge to use facebook. You can do it. Good luck.
Cats and dogs can be friends. So can cowboys and indians. So can we.
Why try to be the best when there's no hierarchy in heaven?

Sunday, September 18, 2016

Incomplete Transcript of Lecture One: Hypocrisy and the Human Selfie Stick

Good morning boys and girls. Put down your beloved smart phone because today's lecture is about God's greatest gift to men. No, I'm not talking about women, other men or dogs. Today's lecture is about the human penis as seen through the lens of biological sociology and, to a lesser extent, prudism. You may want to put that selfie stick down, too. No, not that one.

O penis, penis, wherefore art thou penis? The very word will shock billions of people to their core. Penis, penis. Say it twice and someone is bound to blush. Oh hello, Janice. How are you today? [Students laughing.] Penis... Say it thrice and the student sitting right next to you might believe you are a latent rapist, which, of course, you know you're not. Penis, penis, penis. Say the magic word repeatedly in your local shopping mall or Imax movie theater and you will eventually be asked to leave. But the one thing all of these friendly folks, from blushing brides to big-mouthed bullies, have in common is that each of them is fully aware of the power of the word penis. Saying "Penis!" out loud is all it takes to draw their attention in much the same way that corporate hacks raise heads above the cubicle walls wondering what the heck is going on. Now, why is that? That, boys and girls, is arguably a more pressing matter than the current mystery of increased skinny jeans fetishism.

I ask you, why are we so preoccupied with penises, or at least one? How can we account for the fact that the most prudish of people — nay, the most cultured of people, or so they would prefer to be perceived — would love to see that naughty picture on Facebook that all of your friends are talking about? Studies have shown that imposed political correctness leads to frustration and, in some cases, irreversible schizophrenia, as some of us would frown disapprovingly upon being subjected to penis-related frivolities on Facebook, then rush to the nearest restroom to take a second peek instead of a leak. Why is that?

Biological sociologists have demonstrated the extent to which the overwhelming majority of us have evolved into involuntary sexual hypocrites. As you know, biological sociology is the study of social behavior or society in relation to biological urges. It is this fascinating tension — and the effect of this tension — between, on the one hand, societal expectations and, on the other hand, penis-related needs that will be further explored in this course.

Okay, raise your hand if you think you are in fact a sexual hypocrite. [Silence.] Oh don't be shy. It's not like I'm recording any of this or sharing it with the world for crying out loud haha! Dick, I know you are a sexual hypocrite. Just look at him. First-Row Dick, ladies and gentlemen. That's right, raise your hand. Be a good boy. You don't want me to fail you. Could you say, "Penis"? [Silence.] Hey, where are you going, Anna? Mandy? Yes, you. I know you can say, "Penis". Raise your hand. C'mon. Raise it. That's right. And what a beautiful hand it is, too. Now, everybody look around you. I would say that about 99% of you fine young students want me and everybody else in this room to believe you are not sexually hypocritical. Well, that's just a statistical impossibility. It seems to me you're lying like Clinton.

[Two security officers entering the lecture room.]

Well, whaddayaknow, here comes the cavalry. Hello, Mister Security Officer. Put a smile on your grim face. Oh and another one. Just two? I know you can say, "Penis!" Could you say, "Penis!" for me? Hey, don't touch me! Boys and girls, I'm going now! I'm... Study chapters 1 and 2. I...

[End of transcript.]

Here's my question to you: What is the link between sexual hypocrisy and political correctness?

* * *

There´s hope for the human race...