Sexy Mustache

When it comes to the art of creating nonsense, few bloggers are more inspiring than Pickleope, and I mean that in a nice way. Take his recent Guide to Growing a Mustache series. Anyone who's lost touch with his masculine self should consider themselves saved. All you need to do is make a donation (which is a good thing) and grow a hairy bit of lip decoration (which is a good thing, too). Of course, I was drunk when I read Pick's posts. 

When I was a kid, I never really understood why some men felt compelled to grow a crumb-catching fanny duster. 'Is it,' I sherlockholmesed, all the while massaging my hairless chin with my thumb, 'to hide their nostrils and blow their noses in? Could that be it?' I didn't really think that was it, for who in their right mind would want to mix old breadcrums with salty green slime? But, of course, with adults you never knew. For years I pondered the mystery behind the Hairy In-between, but eventually I just had to give up. I was no Einstein. I had to face the fact that I didn't know diddly squat about mustaches.

And then, one day in November 2012, I read Pickleope's posts, and it just dawned on me: women must love old bread crumbs. You see, when the sex isn't any good (and my wife's friends all tell me it isn't), at least they've got something to eat. Who was I to make fun of those1970's Indian Bollywood actors who boasted their dark and hairy face kittens? Who was I to judge my Moroccan neighbor's son's lady tickler? Clearly, they all knew something I didn't know: a mustache has nutritional value and is the key to a successful relationship. So now that I'm happily married and have been given permission to finally join in on the rodeo action, I'm sticking to this new mustache ('must ache'?) of mine, this perfect freak of nature. Let's consider it plan B. Just to be on the safe side, you know?

So, thank you, Pickleope, my bodiless little green friend. You may have (not-so-inadvertently, perhaps, who knows) saved the Blue One's marriage from utter destruction. I'm forever in your debt.

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