That's right.
Tickets.
Cheap cheap tickets.
Plane tickets.
The sweestest cheapest plane tickets you've ever laid eyes on.
Well, that was the plan. That's what that Cheap Tickets website promised me. It showed a picture with a smiling lady too that said, 'Why pay more? Get yourself a Cheap Ticket.' The only words missing were 'I swear. Just don't believe me.'
Freakin' hell. I thought I was gonna buy myself a plane ticket that would cost me around 80 dollars. Upbeat and fully degrumped, I typed in my name, address, the whole you-don't-want-to-know-what and then it said: 170 dollars. What! 170 dollars?! There had to be some kind of mistake. All the while last year's grumpiness was starting to kicking in again. Where were my glases? I mean, the last time I saw the inside of a school my teacher assured me 170 bucks and 80 bucks were no twin brothers. Shit. If that smiling Cheap Tickets lady were here, I'd strongly advise her to wipe that stupid smile right of her face and give me my ticket. I need my ticket. I want my ticket. My golden ticket. Oh I know what she would say.... 'Happy New Year, Grumpy. Now show me the dough.'
And I needed six tickets, not one. Being ripped off once I could bear. But six times...That's like unpleasant sex six times in a row. You wouldn't be smiling then, would you? I needed three one-way tickets times two, for Angie will be joining me on my trip around Spain in this ol' part of the world. The first ticket was supposed to cost me $80, turns out it's really $170. I may have told you this before. Ticket number 2 would set me back, what, $50. Now I've wised up, for I'm fully aware fifty means a hundred and ten. And ticket number 3... Do you really want to know? Well, $95 translates perfectly into two hundred and then some. In the States, when they say it's cheap, it's cheap. Over here it's just a big fat lie. They should go into politics, is what they should.
Sigh. I'm fresh out of short sentences. I need a drink.
Better make that a cheap one.
P.S. 1: Bob really is my uncle.
P.S. 2: I was supposed to write about ants in my pants.
P.S. 3: P.S. does not stand for Play Station.
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Posts
That is some vivid imagery there: Unpleasant sex six times in a row.
ReplyDeleteI am assuming these tickets are for a vacation? That sucks. I hope you really want to get where you're going and like the people with whom you are traveling...
Yeah, they're for a vacation, alright. But I'll find a way... like robbing a bank. Good thing I like my wife. She's the one I'll be travling with. And as for unpleasant sex six times in a row... I know, it doesn't sound too good to me either, Robin.
DeleteYipeeee you are finally taking us all to bora bora, about time. The cat will go get packed up haha they lie on those things every time, always fine print around. And ps really stands for Porn Site, right? Dirty blue guy.
ReplyDeleteI know what you're talking about, Pat. You're talking about THIS... when Bo let us down and you thought it was my fault. I remember. Well, if I had the money, I'd buy your whole stock of books and then some so you could fly all the way to the Land of Relaxation. You and your Pringles.
DeleteP.S. You got me there. D@mn your smarter in 2013...
Smarter each year, that is something to fear. And pfft still your fault the cat will never say otherwise haha
DeleteThat would be a nice flight, although no more pringles are eaten here, gluten is gone I fear.
If you get smarter every year, you'll need a bigger head. That's something to fear, alright haha. How come so many people these days are allergic to gluten? You should know... You're getting smarter by the day ;)
DeleteI wanna go to Bora Bora I need a vacation now:(
ReplyDeleteAre you sure you want to go to Bora Bora when The Cat's already there? He still thinks it's my fault that Obama let us down. Click HERE if you want to know more.
DeleteYeah I wanna go to Bora Bora not matter go the cat:)
DeleteSee all want Bora Bora, you did yourself in!
DeleteNow see what you've done, Pat! Well, at least if Gloria is in, we won't be starving to death.
Deleteoh you love me only by my food!!
DeleteThat's what Angie always says to me haha!
DeleteNow I remember you said something about ants in yout pants!!
ReplyDeleteGood night dear Blue Im so tired and Ditto is looking a futball game:(
I know. That'll be my next story. Can you imagine... ants in your pants? Make sure it doesn't happen to you. :)
DeleteI have stories you maybe dont believe LOL
DeleteMaybe you should write a guest post and tell me all about them :) Azra and I are writing a post together, so maybe we should do that too. About unbelievable stories.
DeleteWhat was the reason they were so much more expensive? Like, were you supposed to fly at 3am with ten layovers for the cheap ones? Or was the extra money "fees"? That really does seem worth getting your grump on about!
ReplyDeleteIt's called extra 'fees', that's right. My grump's on like a spotlight on Obama's butt. 'Here's a pair of shoes for you, Kianwi... only $120. Of course, when I send you the bill, don't be surprised by that minor little detail that says it's actually $250.' You know what I mean? But I would never do that to you. You know that.
DeleteUgh! The earlier you book, the cheaper they are...hope you can find some at a better price!
ReplyDeleteThat I know. I'm planning on going in July. What I didn't know was they'd think they could get away with lying to my face. But hey, I'll find a way even if that means inventing a teleporter without flies in it.
DeleteP.S.: Ha!
DeleteHa ha ha, you sad sad bastard. Who among us can even dream of getting plane tickets for less than $300? If you expected to only pay $80, doesn't that mean the destination is so close you might as well drive there, and/or spring for a rental van and pay a slightly schizophrenic homeless guy to drive? Might I suggest going directly to the most popular/trafficked airline's website? Or Hipmunk or Kayak orlighting your credit card on fire? OR! And this is my best idea yet--Rent a hovercraft!
ReplyDeleteThanks for calling me a sad sad bastard, Pickster. My already shaky self-confidence is now completely shattered. Let me educate you a bit about driving over here, my green friend. At the moment a gallon of gasoline costs about $4.00. Where I live that would be $8.82. That's right, $8.82. At the same time I'm one of those, I quote, 'bastards' who don't want to be caught dead in a tiny European car, meaning my four-wheeled friend is always thirsty, to say the least. Driving 3,000 miles is therefore a definite no-no. Walking like the Romans did might be a better option, come to think of it. Besides, if someone tells you something costs $80 and it turns out to be $170, I figure someone's trying to trick me. That said, I'm off now to rent that hovercraft. With me behind the wheel, that's bound to get exciting. Any care to join me?
DeleteYou arent a bastard, you are a lovely grumpy blue:))
DeleteHahaha Pickleope was only kidding. Thanks, Gloria.
DeleteI hear all of this talk about cheap airline tickets, but I have yet to see them. It's seriously cheaper for us to drive to Vegas (to see in-laws) than it is to fly there. We can get there and back for $150 (cost of gas). Otherwise, it's $150... per plane ticket, for a barebones airline where you can't even check a bag (that's extra! Want to drink something? That's extra! Want to pee? We have a pee tax too!).
ReplyDeletePS Bob is also my uncle.
If gasoline were as cheap on this side of the lake, you know I'd drive. A pee tax... we almost had those here, too. No, I'm not being sarcastic.
DeleteP.S. If Bob's your uncle, we must be related. And if I believe that's a logical conclusion, you hope we're not... ;)
There are airlines here that advertise one-way tickets for about $20, but that price does not include taxes or fees or any baggage or oxygen or attached wings for the plane. Also one of them plays a victory tune every time they land, which suggests deeper issues may be at play...
ReplyDeleteI hear you. Well, I'm all for wings, but I refuse to pay for oxygen - so I'll just take a deep breath. I'm sure that'll do the trick, too.
DeleteI believe the price you were looking at was before taxes. The taxes that are added on are what really gets you in the end. Hope you at least enjoy your trip
ReplyDeleteI suppose so, though that's not what it said. But I still very much look forward to my trip. Thanks!
DeleteYeah... it's pretty dang hard to get cheap plane tickets.
ReplyDeleteDang's one way of putting it. Here's another one: #@$&!
DeleteIsn't there some kind of law against deceptive advertising in Europe? I'd sue the shit out of them. Anyway, for $170, I'm sure you could come here Mr. Grumpy. Cape Town is gorgeous this time of year :)
ReplyDeleteThe only law that I'm aware of is the PAY MORE TAX EVERY YEAR LAW. It's for my own good or so another law tells me. So I know two. That about sums it up. Add my owm law to the mix (the money makes me happy for I'm no fool law) and it seems my life pretty much sucks, which I tend to ignore by writing posts.
DeleteYou're sure I could come there, Ms Grumpy? Is that an invitation? ;)
I've never actually flown in an airplane :( Even bus tickets are kinda expensive here.
ReplyDeleteWell, the flying itself is pretty uneventful, Dezz. Not to mention the waiting and the waiting and the waiting. And if you're almost 6 feet like myself, you'll hate flying unless you have an endless budget and care to bathe in champagne while your flight attendant (better make that plural) rubs your back and tells you how beautiful you are.
Deleterubbing backs of 6 feet tall hunks is what flight attendants do? Where do I sign for a course?
DeleteRight here, baby. Right here. Come fly with Blue Air.
Deleteonly if attendants at your airlane have naughty moments in the pilot's cockpit.... :P
DeleteJust say the magic word, Dezz. Just say the magic word. ;)
DeleteThis has nothing to do with your post. My blasted blogroll isn't updating your posts! I didn't know you've been posting. I have deleted and added you several times and still - nothing. Grrrrr!!!! Okay, vent over. Maybe.
ReplyDeleteKeep venting! Repeat after me: 'Why the @$#& don't I see Randy's &$#@$$#@ blog on my $#@$@! blogroll?!' Now you, Elsie.
Deletesometimes happens me the same Blue but always I find you LOL
DeleteI know you do :))
DeleteIf it makes you feel any better one of my projects involves hunting for actually cheap ways to fly. I'll keep you informed if I'm successful.
ReplyDeleteFeeling better already, DWei.
DeleteI hope that ticket comes with complimentary oral sex! Just saying you paid to get screwed, so I'd cash in on that with the cute little stewardess.
ReplyDeleteI already asked. The guy said yes but I cordially declined. The cute little stewardess just gave me the drop-dead look I've seen before. ;)
DeleteYeah, there's lots of hidden extra expenses in our tickets here as well. If you want the advertised price, then you have to jump through hoops, go one way only with no baggage, and leave for your trip on the night of a full moon... or some such ;)
ReplyDeleteI've managed to jump through the hoops. Well, my Angie has. We've got ourselves three cheap tickets. All we need to do is lose 50 pounds to fit in the seats, I'm sure.
DeleteI read through all of this and then suddenly realized for the first time that Bob is really my uncle, too. Now I'm ashamed that I hadn't thought of that sooner and used it many times for a cheap laugh.
ReplyDeleteI got a cheap ticket once. It landed me a seat in a cheap airplane. And then I got bumped. That's how cheap it was.
There's nothing like a cheap laugh, alright. Just don't do it when applying for yet another job. I managed to find three cheap tickets afterall and something tells me they're a good deal, too. You got bumped?
DeleteHello hello! Been a long time. Happy new year RC.
ReplyDelete:)
My ticket back to malaysia is about usd$1500.
Not fun at all!
Oh well. Was in msia for a mth break and now back here. Its cold and i hate cold. Gives me headaches. Will start on blogging soon :)
Hey look who's here! I was wondering where you were, Jaya J! Did you say $1500... Dear Lord. It's cold over here, too. It's been snowing for two days now and I'm as grumpy as can be. You know I wasn't made for snowy winters. Make yourself a hot coco and get rid of those headache. What do you say? :)
DeleteThink we're all pretty much used to unpleasant sex a lot many times in a row out here.. they have these crazy promotions that promise ridiculously low air fares and only when you do the booking, they show the tax part and then the fare jumps back to the ridiculously high levels again.... and yes, the ubiquitous 'conditions apply' that upsets any great deal you're booking
ReplyDeleteI don't bother myself with these things nowadays.. I just go back to the pleasant sex...
I think I'm gonna get myself hypnotized like Shallow Hall. With a bit of luck, unpleasant sex will seem like pleasant sex and the lies they're telling me will seem like the truth and nothing like the truth so help me Zod. ;)
DeleteBob's actually MY Uncle and he said try Eurostar or just catch random trains. He said, don't fall for the fake smile and the whitest of teeth, you should know better!
ReplyDeleteGood luck on your hunt.
Your uncle is a wise man, Jules. I'm gonna catch some random trains, alright. But it's hard to resist those white teeth....
ReplyDeleteI hope you still plan to write about ants in your pants.
ReplyDeleteIt'll be my next post.
Deletelol i loved "Bob really is my uncle".
ReplyDeleteWell, he really is.
ReplyDelete