MENTAL NOTE

"Though we cannot make our sun stand still, yet we will make him run."
Blue, resist the urge to use facebook. You can do it. Good luck.
Cats and dogs can be friends. So can cowboys and indians. So can we.
Why try to be the best when there's no hierarchy in heaven?

Thursday, February 27, 2014

We Rise, We Fall

Someone wise said, “What defines us is how we rise after falling.” I’ve fallen so often I wouldn’t know where to start nor would I want to bore you with any of my Tales from the Dead and Buried. But does it make me an expert on how to rise with dignity?

I don’t think it does for, you see, my first instinct would be to fly away in a rocket that makes Noah’s Ark seem like a Walmart dinghy. I guess I’ve always had a problem seeing things in perspective. I’m one of those ‘perfectionists,’ you see (a label that makes you sound like a self-important idiot). What it means is, when I’m trying hard to do something right because I’m dedicated and I know deep down inside I’m the right person for the job, but then something goes wrong because of outside influences that I have a hard time dealing with because they are distracting and taking the wind out of my sails (and mind you, I’m co-Captain Blue, so you just don’t do something like that, right?), well, I tend to get so worked up I forget life’s too short to be fighting petty wars I can’t win or should want to win and just not worth all those heap loads of wasted energy and good intentions. I’m being purposely vague but the point I’m trying to make is this: when you’ve fallen, what you need is a bird’s eye view. Take a good look at yourself, at your life, and just know when to say, “This is not worth it.”

Remember that everyone is a person, you included, and that making mistakes is just what it is: making mistakes. Do you want to spend the rest of your life analyzing moments that have not been exactly the pinnacle of your existence?

No. But as is often the case, things are easier said than done, and that voice inside my head is not necessary helping. So here’s what I do after falling. I lay all my cards on the table, tell my friends what happened without trying to get them to side with me against whatever malevolent force caused me to fall this time. I don’t want my friends to tell me it wasn’t my fault simply because they love me. I want them to help me find that bird’s eye perspective, if only for a moment. So what if you bought the wrong house and your neighbors keep humping day and night as if their very lives depended on it and you keep telling them they’re not on Robinson’s island and you need some sleep because you need to go to work all fresh and crispy? So what if you’ve stayed too long in the same job and quitting is a luxury you can’t afford when bills need to get paid and you’re not getting any younger in the process? So what if you don’t recognize the face in the mirror because you’ve been fooling yourself way too long, which somehow led to a state of near-despair for all to see? So what if your health deteriorates faster than superman’s fart can cross the Atlantic and the embodiment of strength and zest for life that used to be you - that demi-god you thought you were, and you’ve got proof, too (show them those pictures!) – really isn’t you?

So what? I keep telling myself I shouldn’t be so hard on myself. And that, in the end, it doesn’t matter all that much in the greater scheme of things unless, of course, you're Napoleon or Pickleope von Liechtenstein. A bird’s eye view, people. Eighty years is all we’ve got. Maybe a couple of years more if we’re lucky, maybe a few less if we’re not, but that’s pretty much it. So on your feet, soldier. On your feet. (Now, who said that?)

How do you rise with dignity after falling really hard?


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71 comments:

  1. 1. Why am I still at your whipping classes? I thought I would have graduated and majored on that one already :)
    2. The key is that you have Angie and friends who love you even when you're down and when you think you're a loser. Sometimes methinks we're all losers, it's just that some people are good in creating an opposite, false, image for the public :) You've noticed that most people think I'm the happiest, carefree person in the world who has it all easy, haven't you? And you know the real truth too :)

    3. I share you fear on your job and health points :( I think the time is skipping on us when it comes to that :(

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    1. You graduated a long time again, Dezs. I just like to keep this one as a souvenir. I'm sentimental - what can I say? I know a lot of people out there believe you're Upbeat Incorporated, but I know the truth. I also know you're very smart. Come to think of it... we've know each other for a while now, haven't we? Shame on me for not even remembering the first time we met. I blame my medication! Time is us, Dezz. We're the clock that's ticking, and while it's doing its thing, we get to meet people we like and people we would like others to have met. But how are you doing today? (0=terrible, 10=great)

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    2. It's been years, methinks.... since we've been singing the Blues and Evergreen :)
      'Time is us' I like that thought, Sir Randy Mandy. Just don't let us get us :)
      I'm close to zero, but who cares, from zero to hero, yes?
      Hope everything goes fine for you at the Doctors tomorrow!

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    3. From zero to hero. I like that. The only way is up.

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    4. Yes, indeed .... and let your balalaika sing, what my guitar wants to say and be big in Japan, where the Eastern sea's so blue ....

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  2. Yep, been there as the idiots at a certain work lair like to whine all damn day and just sit and do nothing, never getting anything done. Then they whine that I actually do my work and get it done making them look bad, then i'm the one that gets my hours cut back and that they are trying to force out. Pffft dicks, but after the strat I've been through, none of it matters, the whole damn place could burn down, as long as i grabbed the cats and got out, let it burn. I've been stuck at that life sucking hole far too long anyway, soon outta here. The cats and Pat will pack up and go, bills be damned.

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    1. Oh and I see bora bora houses me in a tree lol

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    2. you and blue in bora bora well move over because I am not staying behind..lol

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    3. Whatever happens, grab the cats and get the hell out, that's right. But I was hoping by now you'd be appreciated a whole lot more. Guess I was wrong. "Bills be damned." We need to write a post about it. Bills be damned It's got a definite ring to it. I like the sound of it.

      Well, at least we've got our imagination and our imagined trips to Bora Bora. They can't take that away from us, Mr Batcat. (Catman?)

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    4. @Truedessa - Of course you're not staying behind. We need someone to capture our collective Bora experience in exquisite poetry. (Sorry, Pat.) All I would be saying is, "Finally, we're here.... and it's sooooooo beautiful..." Probably wouldn't do justice to that place called Paradise on Earth.

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    5. haha all the cat would say, is he used the giant litterbox infront of the blue guy and truedessa lass and it was grand for his little rhyming ass.

      Bills be damned hmmmm I suppose I could do something with that.

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    6. Not quite exquisite but most certainly worth my time. There.... a compliment ;)

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    7. Yippee for thee
      A batcat up a tree
      Fills my heart with glee
      More than a flee

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  3. I read and I was like Yes, yes blue exactly - as if I was talking to my other self. Exactly. And I moved to another house and one of the reasons is the same neighbor you mentioned and the bonathons and moanathons and breaking bed episodes in the middle of the day and middle of the night - everytime and all the time.
    If I don't hunt for a wheel chair at 60 I would consider myself lucky. Not shooting for 80 now :)

    And oh my - That whip and me - perfect - now you have given me a part-time job idea. And I am going to open a profile in all match.com sides with that picture.
    Programmer by day and professional whipper by night.. Ohhhh..

    Brilliant art work. Love it and thanks for the mention by the way Blue guy. Would be happy to accompany in that rocket to anywhere with whip in hand ...

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    1. Don't mention it. Of course you're on board. Also, I could do with a bit of whipping competition and the outfit looks a hundred times better on you anyway ;) There....beauty, wit and a bit of spice all in one picture. What more do we want? Well, besides not living next door to a couple of noisy humpletes. (I swear, that guy sounds like humpzilla.)

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    2. :)
      I have come to realize one thing dignity and pride aren't constants and they are subjective. And making mistakes isn't a mistake but justifying it and explaining it is a huge mistake and that doesn't help anyone and anything. This I learned hard hard way. And also keeping yourselves in the company of souls who bring out the best in you is worth living for.

      Moral of the story : Move out of India and stay away from in-laws and humpzilla neighbours :)

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    3. What if you are the humpzilla neighbors?

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    4. @ mamtc - I asked someone the other day, "Wouldn't it be great to surrounded by people who bring out the best in you... people you can actually learn from?" Move out of India.... that's heart-breaking. I'm lucky in that my in-laws (Indian? Yes, how did you guess?) have grown to like me a whole lot me. It was worth the seven year wait. As for hump happy neighbors who insist on sharing their hobby... send them to Siberia. Or the Olympics.

      @Pat Hatt - Try to be more like Al Pacino in Frankie and Johnny... that means.... stealth sex or put a lid on it. Or buy a bed that doesn't sound like THIS.

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  4. I often talk to myself about life..faced with defeat on many levels at many times in my life..but I somehow have the ability to persevere. I think I have a warrior spirit and that is what keeps me going. My unending will to survive..A bird's eye view take it all in use your peripheral vision and hone in on your skills. Just like a giant hawk or an eagle birds of great spiritual power and symbolism. Being perfect is not required and imperfections are what being human is about..we are all different and unique my blue friend. It's about learning to fly with the wind not against the wind.

    Now, on a brighter side I love the picture..would love to jump into that rocket and soar the heavens with the stars, sun and moon it would be magical.

    I am honored to be hanging with such a grand group of people..sailing the sky -ways and bi-ways of dreams.

    Don't be so hard on yourself blue..easier said then done I know as I am a blue lady..who sings blue songs and writes blue poems..lol..you know how I am..just me being me..



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    1. ok, woke up this morning with the need to review this picture as I had a dream about it and now, I can see all the symbolism in it..I mean I caught some when I posted like the light shaped like the sun in the guest room..the duel engines one being religious and one spiritual..that was brilliant..I consider myself to be a spiritual being so I need lots of fuel from nature and the universe to survive but, I guess we need both sources of fuel to have balance in the world. What do you think Blue..tell me true...does that space ship take us all to paradise????

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    2. The ability to persevere is - Jane Austen would say - “a most amiable quality”(Angie is watching Sense and Sensibility as I type this, “much to my utter disappointment” I should add. Hey, let’s persevere! When I first heard that Queen song, Who Wants to Live Forever, I remember thinking, Well, I do. Now I’m thinking, Well, I do, but only if I’m still good-looking (still?) and in good health (Yeah, you wish).

      Truedessa, I don’t even know what perfection looks like unless we’re talking perfection in the eye of the beholder. So now I’m wondering, Blue, if you don’t know what perfection looks like… how come you’re such a notorious perfectionist? That doesn’t make sense. (See... imperfection.) Anyway, I don’t know much about the art of not flying against the wind, but I will certainly try a bit harder from now on. It's about learning to fly with the wind not against the wind. I like that. Went straight into my long term memory. But what I did know was you’d see the symbolism.

      You may also have noticed that every blue moon I feel the need to draw a scene with all of us going someplace. If only, right. Be it inside a rocket or on a boat. I wonder what it’ll be next time, Blue Lady. As long as we can just go.

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    3. So Blue..how is your day? Are you less blue..maybe, soft sky blue with a few wispy clouds so your dreams can float to the heavens..

      My Dearest Blue,

      Sometimes imperfections are more beautiful as they are real not some sort of preconceived idea of what perfection is..we cannot obtain perfection..for we are human and all fall short..just my opinion you know..why not enjoy life and the simple beauties that it brings..it's the best we can do at times..so you and I need to shake these blues and explore some new colors that will make us feel alive and vibrant..

      Thinking of you on crisp March morning..

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    4. Good afternoon, Truedessa. My day has been good, thanks for asking. I'm tired but happily blue. It happens. I don't think it's just your opinion... I guess it's a plain fact that humans will never be perfect. I suppose that's a good thing. Perfection sounds a bit boring, don't you think? Imagine living in the perfect house on perfect Bora Bora looking all perfectly beautiful, feeling perfectly happy. I mean, wouldn't you just hate that? ;) But seriously, I don't mind imperfection. That's why I like Pat's poetry so much, you know. Though I have to say.... your brand of art comes pretty close to what perfect poetry is all about.

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  5. What do I do? LAUGH! You have to keep a sense of humor. Everyone has hard times...crazy things happen that are out of your control...just find the humor, know that life goes on...and lighten up. Stress, worry and depression never helped one ounce.

    And drink coffee....like I'm doing there in your kitchen. ha. Are you serving Hazelnut? :)

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    1. And laugh a bit more. I hear you. And, yes, I'm most definitely serving Hazelnut. I think. ;)

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    2. Although in Blue's case you never know if that hazelnut is some beaver's nut .... :)

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    3. Hahahaha let's havesome ice-cream, Dezz. I'm buying.

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    4. I'll stay on the safe side and take some BLUEberry one.... no nuts.... nor vanilla... thank you very much ......

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    5. I can tell you've been properly brainwashed by yours truly ;) As yet no vanilla for me either, Dezz.

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    6. and no chocolate nor coffee for us either. I hear they use chocolate and coffee beans pooped by exotic monkeys.....

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  6. Yeah, I agree with the sentiment completely, but how, when in the moment, do you recognize it's time to say "this is not worth it"? I'd love to be that zen, but it's tough. Also, I was at first miffed to be hanging in the bathroom, but upon further thought, you're right, good choice.

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    1. That's a tricky one, and I'm not surprised you're the one asking. You must be the smartest pickle-antelope around. Which explains why you realized there's no need to be miffed. We do need to get you a body. How else are you supposed to climb those stairs in case you need a bath? Oh I get it.... we need to carry you ;)

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  7. I think that everyone falls down in one way or another. And sometimes over and over. For me, I am beginning to understand that I need to recognize the Patterns so that I don't keep making the same mistakes. Then I need to forgive myself for not seeing it sooner. As you say, we get so many years here to accomplish what we can. Do I want to remain stuck in things that I know aren't working, be it a job, relationship, or housing situation? I guess I would say "no" to that and work at changing my circumstance. It's a matter of deciding if you're a passenger on the boat of your life or the captain. I prefer the captain.

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    1. As long as we don't get to be the captain of another Titanic. At least some of the passengers survived that show. But I hear yah, and you're right. And when you switch of that iPad, iPhone, commercial infested TV show and think of it for just a minute or so, eighty years isn't a whole lot of time (unless you're in pain). It's nothing. There are trees outside my house that were there when I was born and they still be there when I get on board that final rocket. So I just try to enjoy the moment.

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  8. What Betsy said. Laughter is our coping mechanism. If we can't laugh about our trials and tribulations, then we'd probably just curl up in defeat.

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    1. Or press that red button in the control room that says, self-destruct. But there's no such button to be found in the Bora Rocket, and I like it that way, fellas. Yes, Betsy is right.

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  9. That was sobering Mr Blue..
    Well today, as it happens, I thought "This isn't worth it (about 2pm) and went back to bed. Sometimes I can't even think about shit, ya know what I mean Bra? But, usually I can't afford that luxury as I'm not yet on the Bora Bora rocket ship so I just start doing stuff. I build momentum and motivation and the iron will of Boadicea the victorious!

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    1. Sobering is good after a psychedelic trip on your way to Nowhere. Sometimes going back to bed is all you should do as opposed to could do. I know what you mean, alright. You should see my blue bed. It's complete worn out. It needs replacing. (And not because of the action....) Anyhooterscommuters, we'll find a way to get you on board that Bora ship, be it a rocket ship or the pirate type. Come to think of it, Bora does exist, right? It's not just a pretty picture on the internet to make us believe in something? I mean, that would be depressing and make me want to go back to bed too.

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    2. I don't even want to THINK of that possibility!

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    3. Now I need a pill to suppress that thought.

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  10. My good friend, Mr. Blue,

    Such an open, honest, candid posting. Verbalisation from the heart can be such an empowering tonic.

    There will be times when it seems a negative environment sabotages are best of intentions. I also know that we take responsibility for our actions. Mistakes do not define us. What we learn from our mistakes, defines us.

    When I almost lost my dignity, I knew of choices. I found that getting to the darkest moment in my life also brought revelation. The bad times brought out a determination that I would change for the better. For me, for all who knew me.

    Triumph over adversity, my friend. Your destiny can be of your choosing. I wish you well and kudos for such a thoughtful, heartfelt posting.

    In kindness and respect,

    Gary

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    1. I'm touched by your words, Mr Gary. Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with me and our partners in crime. Yes, its how we rise after falling is what defines us. But what if we're not very good at learning from our mistakes? Does that make us miserable losers? I hope not. I've been reading about your journey for a while now and I can tell you have changed for the better, yes sir. Thanks for the kudos. You have made a difference.

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  11. Honestly cous, it's quite difficult to rise up again after a fall... I often find that giving myself a solid block of time to grieve and mope about is necessary... followed by swiftly developing new ideas/plans and moving forward. It's not easy though. I think at the core of it, it comes down to how much you value yourself... as in, "I deserve better than this"... but different people have different ways of dealing.

    You should patent your images... we could make a comic book of our adventures and sell it on Amazong... since I already lost all my gold, maybe we'll make enough money to ship off to Bora Bora - the lot of us ;)

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    1. I was waiting for you. Yes, and isn't it amusing to find how much easier it is to fall than to rise up again? Now, why is that? Doesn't seem particularly fair to me. Of course you need time to grieve and to mope, but would you say it's true what they say... that time heals all wounds? Maybe it just makes them bearable. Oh you're so right... it's always about how much you value yourself. Self-love is not a bad thing in my book (and I don't mean that in the check-out-all-the-pics-of-myself-for-this-blog-is-about-me kind of way). How can you love someone when you don't love yourself, right? Or not enough? If I owned Fort Knox, you'd get your share of gold, you know that. To bad reality isn't a dream come true.

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    2. I think time heals most wounds... but not all of them. For instance, when a parent dies, you never get over that - you just learn to accept it and deal... but I can't imagine that kind of grief ever going away forever.

      Absolutely, self-love is all we have. And I'd like to think that real self-love is the type that no one knows about... the secret voice in your heart and mind. Everything else, including social media is just an extended form of vanity and our human need to connect :)

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    3. That's what this is... an extended form of vanity and our need to connect. Now you've made us all curious... what does your secret voice sound like?

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  12. Really good post, good points. I know intellectually that I shouldn't dwell on shit that won't matter a year from now, or even next week, but it's still hard. We are both perfectionists I think. Virgo?

    I love the rocket btw.

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    1. Ah my favorite kitten, peaceful as ever. How are you today? Yes... Virgo.... how did you know? Virgo? Thanks for the complement. I need to get you on board that rocket too.

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  13. But why do I always have those panicky thoughts while trying to fall asleep? I very much liked your description of health deterioration and I will use this in my next hospital appointment!!!

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    1. I honestly don't know, Ms Poke The Rock but I'm sorry to hear you're a hospital regular too. Tell me, do the good docs and nurses also wink at you when the radiance of your beautiful you makes their lives worth living for? I thought so. Now, share that Superman-fart-Atlantic comparison with he people in white and report back to me, okay?

      I tend to have panicky thoughts in my dreams.

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  14. what hell.....happens? dear grumpy dear?, Omy, Im agree with Betsy!, is not easy laugh sometimes, I know, of course I know, only we canbegin again all days, oh dear:)
    Think I love you so much dear Grunpy!! xxxxxxx

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    1. Gloria Dear..... did you just swear? :) What do you mean you think you love me? Don't you know for sure?

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    2. 'tis a scandal, I say, a scandal, when Gloria Dear isn't sure about such things....

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    3. Thank you very much. Now you've got to make amends, Gloria Dear, by treating us to a delicious blue berry pie.

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    4. but with Chilean blueberries, not with Blue's berries :)

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  15. Hi darling Blue,

    I liked your rocket picture and all the little compartments in it, far better than Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs. Great post too - my view is that the older one gets, the more I let go off my anxieties. Life really does get better when one reaches 35. As human beings, we're exceptionally complex and little study has been done into our exact workings. Remember, we evolved from apes and that wasn't too far back in time.

    One of my favourite expressions about overcoming the obstacles in life is "What Leaves You Broken, Makes You Better".

    These days, my key to happiness is vigorous exercise (3 times per week), good food (think: seafood, green vegetables, foreign cuisine), Yoga, deep-breathing exercises, realising that nothing is permanent (and that's a good thing), open-mindedness, occasional travel to sunny climes, time spent with my dogs, and.... plenty of sex! Yes, that's right, plenty of sex. Sex is the ultimate expression of love towards YOURSELF and to your partner.

    Hope you're feeling better, darling.

    Bye for now

    Fanny xx

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    1. Better than Maslov’s Hierarchy of Needs…. Well, you certainly know how to boost my self-esteem, which, if I remember correctly, is one of said needs. I’m 43 (but you’d think I was 34 ;) ) and I still have many anxieties to let go of, but not nearly as many as when I was, well, 34. Did you know that not everyone on this planet evolved from apes? I’d be tempted to argue that some are still apes. Poor apes. How dare I insult them? What constitutes foreign cuisine in your book? I’m all for open-mindedness and plenty of sex. I love your candor. Thanks for calling me darling. Talk to you soon.

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    2. Hi Blue

      I agree with you that not everyone on this planet evolved from apes... some still are apes!

      Foreign cuisine for me is Mexican... Argentinian... Mozambican.... Portuguese.... Icelandic....

      Talk to you soon, darling

      Fanny xx

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    3. Icelandic cuisine... I'll put it on my list.

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  16. I'm with Betsy and Bryan. Laughter always seems to make things a bit less intense. That, and surrounding myself with people who aren't there to tell me "It will get better," and then move along. Sometimes, I need that swift kick in the ass to keep myself motivated for healthier, happier times.

    Be well my friend. You deserve it.

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    1. A swift kick... I know what you mean. Could use one of those right now. Thanks, Elsie.

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  17. Sarah Connor said that in the Terminator. (is it sad I know that?--I didn't check the comments to see if anyone else mentioned it).
    But yes, getting right up again is the way to go. And reassessing.

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    1. That's right! She did. No, it isn't sad, Lynda. You know your action classics, is all. No one else mentioned it.

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  18. I love that I'm in the control room... especially when I have no control HAHAHAHA. Yeah, that's me laughing real loud in the middle of the night... now what about fat women?

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    1. You do have control... You jus need to see it. Fat women? Who's talking about fat women?

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