MENTAL NOTE

"Though we cannot make our sun stand still, yet we will make him run."
Blue, resist the urge to use facebook. You can do it. Good luck.
Cats and dogs can be friends. So can cowboys and indians. So can we.
Why try to be the best when there's no hierarchy in heaven?

Thursday, February 6, 2014

YouTube, Where's My Whipstore?

YouTube loves video ads. In half a minute per vid, it teaches us patience and educates those who are forced to wait or weep. But how come there's never a juicy commercial telling me people where to find a good brothel or whipstore? You know, just your average bit of decent information. Could it be, I wonder, that YouTube is run by truly ethical human beings whose secret mission is to change us into mindless drones?

Click HERE for Captain Harrr and the Pirates

When I was a kid, I was brainwashed by my parents. It's called cultural shareware with a twist. Now I feel brainwashed all over again, only this time so much more by the government, the PC brigade and - yes, boys and girls - YouTube. The way I see it after a bottle of bourbon, today's day and age can be summed up by three maxims:

Walk on egg shells 
Be very afraid 
Suck in useless politically correct info from a screen (i.e. ad sucking) 

Oh where to start... Whenever I say, "Pardon my Swedish", after swearing for the sake of a good deed, what I really want to do is repeat what John Candy once so eloquently said in Splash: "Hey Roring, jag har en tums penis." It's a great sentence. It means, Hey baby, I've got a twelve inch penis. But, of course, there's no way I will ever be able to remember such delicate Swedish prose and using it in a blog post would mean losing half my ten readers, which I simply cannot afford. It's such a dilemma. Say it or not say it. There's nothing more draining than political correctness. In a way it operates along the same lines as blatant lying and, as you know, when you're merely an average liar forcing yourself to be politically correct means you'll have to cut down on natural movement to save on brain capacity, which can't be good when you're about to get to third base. Or, worse, when you're on your third date. What you really want to say is, "You're a total bitch. You should die this instant." What you end up saying is, "I'm not sure I agree. Maybe we should change the subject."

Well, maybe we should just talk about YouTube. Besides, I don't have a twelve inch penis.

As we all know, YouTube goes with the flow. The more politically correct we need to be - as required by law and the AESW (Association of Egg Shell Walkers, endearingly called ass wipes), the longer it makes us wait until we are perfect drones. Ah, check that clock. It's the perfect time for us to take in a healthy dose of unbrotheled dewhipped info. Fifteen seconds only. You're lucky. No, of course you can't skip this ad. Those heinous days are over, young lady. There's no straying off the right path today. Shut up and watch that video.

Be ethical like us. It's the least you can do for wanting to savor our illegal uploads.

* * *

30 comments:

  1. It's nice to see you. It's been a while. Willy Dunne Wooters gave me a tube of something called Good Head. It's wild cherry flavored. Do you think it's like a cherry life saver? Why is it called Good Head? So many mysteries in the world. I don't know where the whipstore is.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Months. I'm pretty sure it's got something to do with a cherry, that's for sure. And a head. But whether it's any good, I'm proud to say I don't know. ;) Now where's that whipstore?

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  2. I just looked at your partners in crime. I'm not even there. I'm so offended.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My bad. Now you get to whip me.

      Delete
    2. as long as you don't wear your fave high boots while she's whipping you.....

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    3. Whyever in the world not?

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    4. I get to wear the boots. Black. Leather. Knee high.

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    5. And I get to take the picture of you wearing the boots. Oh Dezzy will be so jealous.

      Delete
  3. Thanks to Ad Block Plus I haven't seen a YouTube ad in years. Now I'm just left with pure, educational cat videos and drunk guys lighting farts on fire. No junk filler whatsoever.

    You asked if your blue football head might one day be replaced by a normal one like ours. Well, it did. And I think the plastic surgery was a success, but the doctor went a bit... uh, overboard with improvements.

    http://i.imgur.com/zC7dTdv.png

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Overboard with improvements.... Hahaha you don't say. Thanks fellas. At least now I've got something to look forward to. I'll show this pic to my surgeon and he'll be pleased to copycat your piece of art.

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  4. What? You don't have it? For realz? Seriouzly? :)
    "YouTube is run by truly ethical human beings".... seriously? With Bieber and Psy of the leash there? And Britney and Rihanna? Not even in a joke, Randy Sir Mandy Sir.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. How dare you use the word 'Bieber'in my kingdom?!

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    2. Just. In. Bieber..... Please don't make it so.

      Delete
  5. welcome back, Blue.
    I think you might be onto a conspiracy here... be careful though. The government might send men in black after you... ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And, in turn, I'll send my men in blue after them. Or Dezzy's army of horrific penguins.

      Delete
  6. You...You do NOT have a 12 inch penis? Crap. This'll require a lot of rewrites on all my Blue Grumpster slash fiction. I mean, I took a lot of time on the accuracy of my "Surprising and Unfortunate and Ultimately Tragic Meeting of the Smurfs and Blue Grumpster Down by the Rusty Jungle Gym."

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I knew I would get your attention by opening up to you. Don't talk about smurfs or I'll get all excited again. They're so perfectly blue. But, hey, this post is about video ads...

      How does he do this?

      Delete
  7. It's called cultural shareware with a twist. Love that line :)
    The thing about Swedish, my lovely friend is that it's a fine line line between funny and poor penmanship. As Stephen fry once said " Sometimes in writing you have to swear to emphasise a point and make it jump but it should be used wisely" Fuck him. The best curser on the planet is Brian Blessed as he does it so properly and posh it seems like outstanding literature.

    Have you got a 12" penis? Just curious.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Love that "Fuck him"... Great timing, Jules. Now, let me read it again... Still great.

      10"... but only when I get creative with a bit of rope and a heavy stone.

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    2. Thanks :)

      Creativity rocks :)

      Delete
  8. I believe that I have become desensitized to ads. Most of those YouTube videos don't get through the whole thing before you have the option to "Skip Ad," which I always elect to do. So the whole sounds like Charlie Brown's teachers (reh reh reh reh reh). Now is the time in the good ole USA when everyone is talking Super Bowl ads. The one time of the year that people eagerly anticipate commercials. I posted on my Here's To You post yesterday (for everyone) one that tears me up and another that freaks me out. The freak out one was made by the NSA. I think that they were trying to take the Creep Factor out of the NSA... but it really the opposite affect on me. Now I am curious as to what you think...

    ReplyDelete
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    1. The option to "skip ad" won't be there in the near future and you'll end up having to watch that creepy ad: "To stop the terrorists and to be my friend..." Enough said. Or we could choose to have a shave or have a quicky before the video of our choosing starts.

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  9. haha yeah it is a load of crap
    They try and use to fool a sap
    But all the dumbed down fluoride heads
    Already agree tucked away in their beds
    Santa tells them all is okay
    Right when they hit play
    So pardon my french
    But PC can pound sand up its arse with a wrench

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sand pounded up their collective ass eh?
      I'm that makes them want to play
      But their butts are so tight
      It'll probably take all night

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    2. Grab an ax and make the whole large
      Show them you're in charge

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    3. Might get kinda smelly
      Things escaping their belly
      If I were in cgarge it wouldn't be sand
      With cement being so much more in demand
      No Flush Master to help
      Make them Yelp
      Oh was that mean?
      I need a mirror
      Or become a human bean

      Delete
  10. "Tums" and "penis" in the same sentence.
    Hmmm, I guess that's so you don't get heartburn whilst delivering a hummer.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha well, let's just say that delivering a hummer - no not the car - is not my style. Bummer?

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