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When I was a kid, I was brainwashed by my parents. It's called cultural shareware with a twist. Now I feel brainwashed all over again, only this time so much more by the government, the PC brigade and - yes, boys and girls - YouTube. The way I see it after a bottle of bourbon, today's day and age can be summed up by three maxims:
Walk on egg shells
Be very afraid
Suck in useless politically correct info from a screen (i.e. ad sucking)
Oh where to start... Whenever I say, "Pardon my Swedish", after swearing for the sake of a good deed, what I really want to do is repeat what John Candy once so eloquently said in Splash: "Hey Roring, jag har en tums penis." It's a great sentence. It means, Hey baby, I've got a twelve inch penis. But, of course, there's no way I will ever be able to remember such delicate Swedish prose and using it in a blog post would mean losing half my ten readers, which I simply cannot afford. It's such a dilemma. Say it or not say it. There's nothing more draining than political correctness. In a way it operates along the same lines as blatant lying and, as you know, when you're merely an average liar forcing yourself to be politically correct means you'll have to cut down on natural movement to save on brain capacity, which can't be good when you're about to get to third base. Or, worse, when you're on your third date. What you really want to say is, "You're a total bitch. You should die this instant." What you end up saying is, "I'm not sure I agree. Maybe we should change the subject."
Well, maybe we should just talk about YouTube. Besides, I don't have a twelve inch penis.
As we all know, YouTube goes with the flow. The more politically correct we need to be - as required by law and the AESW (Association of Egg Shell Walkers, endearingly called ass wipes), the longer it makes us wait until we are perfect drones. Ah, check that clock. It's the perfect time for us to take in a healthy dose of unbrotheled dewhipped info. Fifteen seconds only. You're lucky. No, of course you can't skip this ad. Those heinous days are over, young lady. There's no straying off the right path today. Shut up and watch that video.
Be ethical like us. It's the least you can do for wanting to savor our illegal uploads.
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