MENTAL NOTE

"Though we cannot make our sun stand still, yet we will make him run."
Blue, resist the urge to use facebook. You can do it. Good luck.
Cats and dogs can be friends. So can cowboys and indians. So can we.
Why try to be the best when there's no hierarchy in heaven?

Wednesday, April 2, 2014

All Things Flat

Flat - not fat - is all the rage. Check out my flat iPhone! It's so flat, it doesn't even have a shadow! Here's my five foot flatscreen television! Doesn't it make yours look pretty fat, my friend? Hell, my one-pack used to be super flat too. Super-duper hunky flat. But that is ancient history, and I didn't even take a picture back then, thinking it was meant to stay that way forever and ever and everrrrr. Whatever. But there are some things that I really can't stand being flat. Here we go… Rant on! 

I've got four laptops. Two are dying, one is pretty fast, and the one I'm using right now is so fast it actually says, "Hurry up, blue slowpoke! I can't wait all day!" when I'm sure I'm typing my butt off to the best of my abilities. I swear it's not true. Sure it's more shiny than my rubber boots on Sunday and it's got a pretty pretty pretty flat screen, but that's not what I hate about it. I hate the flat keys. That's right. Flat keyboard keys. I hate them. I just want to rrrrrrip them off. Throw them in a ditch. Burn them back into shape. Inject duckface botox. Anything. They're so flat, it feels like I'm trying to punch holes in a chopping board. I've got more callus on my fingertips than I've got callus on my… well… you know… someplace. My feet? Anyhippo, I just don't like the feel of today's ultra-flat keys. There should be a limit to how flat these things can be. Call me old-fashioned (Angie does on a daily basis) but your fingers need something soft and bouncy. Something that has "Check out my curvy non-flatness!" written all over it. It is a necessity. It should be required. It's a matter of pleasure or pain. It should replace the second amendment.

Is there anything - anything - "the unabashed bold flatness of which you don't care to appreciate?" (Shakespeare)

* * *

P.S. I tried to follow two people today and guess what.... no error message


53 comments:

  1. Flat....I hear you....
    My son was kind enough to pass me his Mac...
    It has the flat keyboard...must say...it took me a while...but....
    Here I am tapping away on NOTHING...FLATNESS...on my IPad!😜
    Doesn't get any flatter! Hahaha!
    Cheers!
    Linda :o)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hahaha! I'd like to have seen the look on your face tapping away at nothing. Very minimalist.

      Delete
  2. I really hadn't noticed any of that. I have a laptop and just ran my fingers over the keyboard and indeed it is flat too. Never really noticed it much.

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    Replies
    1. Lucky you. I've got four laptops in my house and I just noticed the keyboards getting flatter to the point that right now I'm not enjoying the actual typing anymore. Somethings missing. Robin knows what I'm talking about.

      Delete
  3. I can't stand my laptop keyboard either. I have a regular one plugged into a USB port. A nicely rounded one!!!!

    And, yes, Google Friend Connect is working again!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And all it took was a bit of global ranting and moaning and groaning. I need to get me a rounded one too. Thanks for the tip, Robin.

      Delete
  4. Well, at least there's one thing we know ain't flat - your blue bum :)
    I've managed to follow our friend today too, after like the 20th effort.....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yep. Can't deny that. But I'm working on it. Might need some butt-tox, though. To get a regular duck butt.

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    2. or you can just ask Angie to massage it regularly :)

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    3. Fat chance, Dezzman. She's dead scared of that part of the furniture, as it tends to block the sunlight on a regular Friday morning.

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    4. than you should just hide the pain inside your heart and massage hers :PPP

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    5. Heh heh heh. Dr Dezz is on the loose.

      Delete
  5. As long as we don't prefer flat boobs and flat booty we are cool I guess. I hear you my friend. Laptops have become like elections in India instead of 5 years I need to go for new one every year.
    And phones and tvs you need to go for new one evryyear because of 3g, 4g.. And 3d, 4d etc and shell out more and more $. What's the point?

    And in USA to protect all those useandthrow gadgets we have organization fighting for shoot-at-sight right ...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Boobs eh? Someone's read Pat's boob post.... Yep, me too. We're being forced to consume consume buy more and more "but first you need to register because the product you bought really is just a licence and not a real product." Yep, that kinda thing. Making us slaves in the process.

      Delete
  6. I don't like my laptop's keyboard, so I got a real keyboard instead.

    ReplyDelete
  7. So far I have yet to use a flat keyboard
    But my computers you hoard
    Why don't you tell us how you really feel
    Feed it to a seal
    Spin a keyboard death wheel
    Maybe small it like a banana peel
    Can flat be smashed?
    Just make it trashed

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hoard even a cord
      Or a Blogger Board
      Like a Blogger lord
      Sitting on a fjord
      No flat keys you must be old
      On maybe there's no riches untold
      Sitting there feeling bold
      Feeding a seal in the cold
      Penny says Scooby Doo
      Pretty sure that's meant for you
      At your zoo
      Boohoohoo

      Delete
  8. Hello human, Mr. Blue type dude n' stuff,

    You think you got problems? I have to type with my paws. Go put on some cute mittens and see how difficult it is then.

    My human told me you were into laptop dancing. Okay and wow!

    Yep GFC appears to be working. Now folks can unfollow my blog. Arf!

    Is that Pat in the Hatt up there
    Without a care
    Seems only fair
    As if I dare
    Be amazed
    And dazed
    He hasn't said "sea"
    With glee
    Or at your "bay"
    Eh
    Or "zoo"
    Scooby-Doo....

    Penny, the pawsitive host of the Alphabark Challenge, 2014!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mittens make me miffy
      On the blue a bit ffy
      Pat in the Hatt didn't say "sea"
      Or "Bora Bora me for free"
      Would Sound kind flirty
      Coming from the cat kinda dirty
      Going all PG at his beach
      Loads of booby stuff to teach
      Blue type dude n' stuff likes a laptop dance
      Spearing flat keys with a lance
      Time for a GFC clambake
      Better make that a keyboard bake break
      Scooby Doo at my zoo
      Still rings true
      Coming from You

      Penny, the pawsitive host of the Alphabark Challenge, 2014!

      Delete
  9. I'm with you. I wouldn't want to be unabashedly flat in some places, however.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I wouldn't want you to be unabashedly flat in some places either. ;) Flat's not all that.

      Delete
  10. "It's so flat it doesn't even have a shadow!" Hahahahahaha - I liked that Randy, Andy, Dandy ;)

    ReplyDelete
  11. Curves are good. But in some cases flatness is good. I wish I had a curve in my foot, but they are as flat as my buttocks (seriously, my butt is flat, I can barely stay seated in a chair without sliding off). Well, I think we can all agree that at least the world is flat.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can barely stay seated in a chair without sliding off... Hahahahahaha I nearly fell of my chair too reading your comment 100% Pickleope style.

      Of course the world is flat. There's no depth whatsoever.

      Delete
  12. It's all that power you possess over Blogger that made them fix GFC.

    Well, if you're old fashioned, than so am I. I love my MacBook Pro with its raised backlit keyboard. I would hate to change it. I need that feel and need to hear that click!

    Elsie
    AJ's wHooligan in the A-Z Challenge

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I couldn't help but think the same thing, Elsie, AJ's wHooligan in the A-Z Challenge. It's the blue force. (It is?)

      Yep, I need that feel too AND the click. Flat is not all that. Flate broke is even worse. I rest my case.

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    2. I wish I had a backlit keyboard! I could leave the Middle Ages and start typing in the dark too!

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    3. I thought your presence illuminates the entire room?

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    4. it works only on others, not on meself, sadly :(

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    5. I love my backlit keyboard. This is my first one and it makes me feel so special. I disregard just how many of these bad boys there are out there.

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    6. And I love it with you. It's good to feel special. So tell me, how does it feel?

      Delete
  13. I don't like flat keyboards. They make me mess up every time.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It's like your finger tips are saying, "Stop that! Be gentle, you idiot! Can't you see that's just way to flat!"

      Yep, such is a blogger's life.

      Delete
    2. imagine having to use two alphabets on the same keyboard (English and Serbian one), it's really crazy. Some letters have the same key, but not all, and just when your fingers get used to one set, you have to write something in the other language and switch to the other set again.

      Delete
    3. That must be hard. I've got a similar problem when I feel like cursing blueman style. It's hard to express myself using ABC.

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    4. and we also have two alphabets, Blue, both Latin and Cyrillic.... had to learn both when me was only but a small coon and couldn't even wiggle my tail

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    5. Sounds like a burden to me. Tail huh?

      Delete
  14. Computers are like women, Blue, in both design and temperament. Sinuous of line, with nary a digit poking ya, "GOOD MORNING:D". One never knows what button to push or if it will turn 'em on or make 'em freeze up colder than hearth and home with the barn door open and old man winter beg'n for a kiss.

    What I do know, though, is when push comes to shove, then done with the love, don't go pissing in 'em...they HATE THAT:(

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sound advice and subtle as a dog trying to hump a cat. But I've got a real talent for pressing all the wrong buttons, you know. Intentionally, of course. How's the art-making going?

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    2. That's why I stick to dogs, Blue. For when the rooster crows the moon, man's best friend is crack'n a toothless and grin...open 'n hope'n for what's soon to come.

      Arting's like farting, sans the smell with extra fluff:D I'm gassy by nature, so, ya' know... It's going swell. Thanks for asking:D

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    3. Hahaha so subtle. Sans the smell... praise the Lord thank you. Oh... you're gassy. I guess that's going well too?

      Delete
  15. My husband has the flat keyboard and it drives me nuts when I have to use it. However, I have went my whole life dealing with flat things, hair, chest, rear being the 3 worst offenders, so you would think I would find a familiarity with using a flat keyboard. Tis not the case though.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Don't be so tough on yourself, Theresa. You look pretty pretty pretty good to me. I'm sure the hubster agrees. But I can imagine that top three of yours being a tad bothersome, alright. Now let's see how they would affect me: flat hair.... well, mine is receding a bit too much so I'd take the flat-n-straight hair any day; a flat chest... okay, mine is like Rambo's in his good days so I understand; a flat rear.... wish mine were a bit flatter, I tell yah... it's like a blue peach that wishes it were the peach it used to be a decade ago. But a flat keyboard, well, that is definitely the final drop in my book. There should be a law against them. And I'd be the new sheriff in town.

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    2. Our sweet sister Theresa, is the purdiest lady Blogger if you ask my Imperial opinion... and my opinion is the intergalactic law!

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    3. Thanks for reminding me. Now go and eat my shorts.

      Delete
  16. Huh, my laptop has super flat keys too, but I never really thought about it until now. It doesn't bother me. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's because you are highly adaptable, unlike many of us. ;)

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  17. Blue, those flat keyboards feel odd, I have a surface and it just
    doesn't feel right as I type away..perhaps my mind can't connect
    that it is a keyboard. I once pressed a rose flat and kept it in a book
    I have a flat stone I carry for luck..so some things are good flat..I guess
    Flat Stanley might have a thing or two to say..as he is all about flat..haha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Exactly. It feels completely wrong. I've got a flat dollar in my wallet for good luck. Maybe it should be a c-note.

      Delete

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