"Though we cannot make our sun stand still, yet we will make him run."
Blue, resist the urge to use facebook. You can do it. Good luck.
Cats and dogs can be friends. So can cowboys and indians. So can we.
Will you ever reach Bora?

Saturday, May 3, 2014

If You Were a... Shoe

If you were a shoe, what kind of shoe would you be?
Some eighth wonder for all-n-sundry to see
Or perhaps a low-heeled model modeled after modesty itself —
A shoe so plain as not to be noticed on a brightly lit shelf?
Would you be shiny for footishists too,
A booty shoe fondled by friends on a loo?
Or allergic to stinky toes and filthy nails alike?
Would you rather be the seat of a fat person's bike?

If you were a shoe, would you be a shade of perfect red
Like American Rose or Lust in bed?
A blue suede shoe singing one for the money,
Pretty as a scuttlebutt on a shoe loving bunny?
Would you be a shoe to stamp out a fire?
Or a shoe to run away when the shit's getting dire?
Perhaps a shoe to walk on egg shells and stuff?
A shoe so politically correct that owning one is enough?

How about a kangaroo shoe — would that be you?
Could I walk a mile in you and feel like some folks do?
Could I walk a mile in you to know what it's like
To be worn and forgotten sabots when they strike
Or would you be a happy shoe
A giddy shoe . . .
A funny shoe . . .
What kind of shoe are you?

* * *


  1. You really dropped the other shoe
    But please nothing near the loo
    And it wouldn't be as comfortable as an old shoe
    If a fat arse sat on you
    Can be tough to fill someones shoes
    Those kangaroos have the blues
    Maybe you need the shoe on the other foot
    One that isn't covered in soot
    May be shaking in your boots
    If shoes gave horn toots
    So a shoe is a shoe
    Whatever is on you
    One that is good on the feet
    And looks nice and neat
    One that you can walk
    And one that doesn't squawk
    Can even do the bunny hop
    I think the other shoe is about to drop

    1. When you say "drop" I think of dino droppings
      Not as taste as ice-cream toppings
      I did drop the shoe… now what am I to do?
      Stay away from the loo just to please you?
      Will do friggin' diddle dee poo
      Shaking on your mind eh how pc incorrect
      That's double so what I want to be exact
      Poor kangaroos singing the whiny song anew
      "Where is my shoe, I'm feeling so blue
      Don't know where to but I need to get away from you"
      Well, you know the deal
      Shoes can make a bunny feel real
      Struttin' hoppin' strut
      Struttin' off their collective butt
      In the process making cats meow
      I'm going…. right about…. now.

    2. Dino droppings you say
      Need a mighty big shovel at your bay
      Could get a work out lifting crap
      The newest routine across the map
      Get fit Like A Dinosaur, Lift Dino Crap
      A millionaire in the making with that lap
      Might need an old shoe
      As a new color could also come due

    3. Boom boom acka-lacka lacka boom
      Better make some room
      When I "Work out the Dinosaur"
      See them coming back for more
      An MTV hit for sure at my shore
      People shouting, "Encore! Encore!"

  2. My shoe reads #1 and #2
    Here at your zoo

    1. How smart of you
      And your feline crew

    2. Poor Hank might get jealous at his sea
      I stole his line with glee

  3. gumshoe

    -not really, though I have watched a lot of Scooby Doo

    1. And as you open the door... you turn around and say, "Just one more question..."

  4. Oh Adam, U so stole my answer.

    GUMSHOE. And I love Scooby Scooby Doo cartoons too.

    When I did a career assessment, a long long long time ago like 25 years ago it said two occupations that I would be good at--gumshoe/detective and working with dead people (mortuary) which actually upset me at time. They said well u like working alone but u appear to care very much about people. I guess they meant funeral director or whatnot. I find it strange now that I wound up in my work world by chance never thinking about that career assessment till later. So law enforcement where I vicariously live thru my detectives and then my interest in cemetaries and I have done volunteer work for a historical cemetery here Elmwood.

    I love black Mart Janes with a little heel too. Have u ever seen Hocus Pocus. Bette Midler wears a pair that I still search for--

    1. He's know to steal people's thunder, their 15 seconds of fame. That's because he's Mr. Fact. He knows things before we do.

      Gumshoe Marples... You've got to admit it's got a nice ring to it. No, I can't say I've ever seen Hocus Pocus. Ah Bette Midler wears them.... That explains it. Are you asking me to send her an email? ;)

  5. Oops Black Mary Jane's with a little heel to them.

    1. No one says Oops the way you do.... Miss Gumshoe Marples. I know, you want to ask me one more question like your friend Columbo....

  6. If I were a shoe, Id be shiny and tall
    I'd stand out on the rack against them all
    I'd be pretty, unique and a little bit odd
    Not to be worn by just any bod
    I'd be hand stitched quality, second to none
    that only the special ones, worthy to don
    I'd be on my own pedestal within the shop
    People would stare, their jaws would drop
    "Oh look at that shoe, so quirky and fine,
    I want, I need it, it must be mine"
    But the price on the bottom, it would be too high
    And down I'd be put as they said goodbye.

    Ok that's the sort of shoe I want to be but really I'm a slightly skanky, novelty, converse trainer.

    1. Your poetry is sooo divine
      Your beauty outdoes that amateur Klein
      Your shininess a sight for sore eyes
      I would wear you myself if you were my size
      Oh Jules, how marvelous you look
      Check my jaw… a look is all it took
      Hand stitched of course and second to none
      I want you, I need you, we could have so much fun
      Too bad a guy like me won't wear a woman's shoe
      I also pee standing when I'm at the loo
      But your price I'm so willing to pay
      Can I unwrap you myself? Would that be okay?

      P.S. I'm ignoring your last sentence. I am, I am.....

  7. Something classy. Definitely not a saddle shoe!

    1. Definitely not! You're classy and fine like expensive wine. ;)

  8. I'd be an elven shoe in mossy green, perfect for stealth missions and stunningly gorgeous, of course.... fit for King Thranduil... and we wouldn't mind if Thranduil would put us on him..... blink blink.....

    1. An eleven shoe… Is that a fact?
      You'd look great on me if a little compact
      I'd go on a stealth mission too
      Wearing left and right a mossy green shoe
      So much better than stepping in poo
      Making me go boo hoo hoo
      Stunningly gorgeous you look
      So much more gorgeous than in a brook
      But Thranduil, I'm afraid, prefers a mossy blue
      Blink blink it is true - now what you gonna do? ;)

    2. Mossy blue? What shade is that? Hopefully not something coming out of your blue nose?

    3. I can see Dezzy in Elven. Very stylish.

    4. @The Elfmeister - It's a shade of heaven. Out of my nose? What nose?
      @Lynda - Not to mention cute.

    5. I'm so Elven, Lyndy, my picture should be an illustration for the word in the dictionaries :)

      @Blue you mean it's big enough that we can call it a snout? :) Or a hose? :)

    6. Haha ( laughing my snout um... hose off)

    7. Yes!! Stylish AND cute!
      And, Dezzy, I think we should start a petition to get your pic in the dictionary.

  9. Red ones...

    Goofy red ones...

    but then you knew that...



    1. I knew that. Just check that link in my litle poem... Yes....

  10. @Ms. Juliette

    Hoe absolutely adorable a shoe u would be. Very cute rhyme. I loved it.

    We r our shoes come to think of it. How strange is that?

    1. A sensual shoe Jules is, Miss Stormy Marples. She knows how to advertise her own beauty. I wonder if we could afford a Juliette... The shoe, I mean. You know I do.

  11. I would love to be some sandals but comfortable and lovely, I think someones in Brown color or black :)

    1. A comfy sandle.... I like the sound of that. What color, may I ask? Ah... brown or black. Well, that means we'll never go back ;)

    2. Don't you know the expression.... Once you go black....?

    3. Gloria is in the sand
      A bit off at her land lol

    4. I'm waiting for my birthday cake
      Blue as my lake.

    5. No grumpy I dont know can you talk me about it please?

      Ah your cake of course but we Are in May grumpy!
      Ah and why Angie doesnt make the cake and we can see??

    6. And please don't heard this cat....

    7. It's a proverb.Better click HERE if you really want to know, my Dear.

      I won't tell THE CAT because he will eat that cake and love it too. I don't know why Angie doesn't want to make my blueman cake. Maybe I'm too ugly and people won't be hungry anymore...

  12. No no questions today.

    We have had wonderful afternoon the Professor and I. Now time for a good mystery, Natchez Burning, by Greg Isles and a nappie poo.

    That shoes was a witches' shoe. A black hag of a shoe. Fitting if my character I do believe. I shall post a pic of it Monday. U will see what I mean.

    We have a lifetime for questions.

  13. I would be a steel toed boot. Good for kicking the cr*p outta those that deserve it.

    1. Excellent choice. I would be the other boot.

  14. Oh, obviously I'd be clown shoes.
    Though this is not news.
    My simplistic patter
    lacking substance and matter
    Designed for fleeting joy
    Like a superficial ring made of an alloy.
    The mostly hollow shoe--
    Are you listening dear Blue--
    Like my blog, barely entertains
    And with the foot removed, all that remains
    Is an unbearable stink from the user
    The regret is what makes me a boozer.

    1. A boozer or a snoozer
      But most definitely not a loser
      Hollow… are you being funny?
      Making me part from my money
      Forcing me to buy you, a smelly clowny shoe
      Your extended look is quite a sight
      Sniff sniff keeping me up in the middle of the night
      Kinda creepy too like that stinky rocket loo

  15. I would be a tennis shoe. I offend people so quickly I need to be comfortable when I run as they stone me. :)

    1. Excellent choice. And so you. Don't let them get you, Melynda!

  16. I'd be a comfortable shoe--ones you could walk long distances in without getting any callouses--but with sparkle.

    1. Of course you would, Lynda It's the only way. Oh I love your brand of sparkle.

    2. we do approve of the sparkle element. We shall issue an official Dezzy approval and seal of quality

    3. So now I 'm wondering.... how come I haven't got the official Dezzy approval and seal of quality?

    4. well, we haven't tasted your cake yet.... can't issue the approval just by window shopping....

    5. Wooo!! I got the official Dezzy approval and seal of quality! My sparkle rocks!!!

    6. Now I'm all depressed. At least Lynda is happy... HER sparkle rocks....

  17. Hey human, Blue
    How are you?
    Heel, human, heel
    Go and peel
    Off your shoes
    If you choose
    You put your heart and sole into this
    How could I give it a miss
    What kind of shoe
    This is true
    I'm a hush puppy shoe
    Just for you
    Or pawhaps a Penny loafer
    Sleeping on the sofa.

    Pawsitive wishes,

    Penny the Jack Russell dog and modest internet superstar!

    1. Penny the Pentastic Internet Superstar!
      I'm doing fine.
      Feeling like a bottle of wine.
      My heart is what needs to be peeled
      And a bit steeled
      A hush puppy shoe you are
      I can see you coming from afar
      Just for me
      How wonderful of thee
      Take care me furry friend
      A message from the Blue that he did send :)

  18. This is whimsically delightful! Did you write it? Sorry if that's a stupid question.

    I think I'd be a pair of spiffy Mary Jane Doc Martens.

    1. Don't you mean wonderfully whimsically deliciously delightful? No? Well, it was worth the try. Yes, I wrote each and every word of it. You sound surprized. Didn't think I could rhyme one bit?

      A pair of spiffy Mary Jane Doc Martens... you sure look good in my neighborhood :)

  19. I would be the most fabulous shoe in the closet. I would sparkle and shine, and be ready for a night out on the town at a moments notice!

    1. A perdy shoe.... (right, Dezz?) a fabulous shoe.... a shoe that makes me say, "How do you do?" Sparkle and shine, looking mighty fine and classy too.

    2. she stole the words out of my mouth, Blue!

    3. as long as your thoughts don't cross you... it's all good

    4. I didn't steal them dear Dezzy. You posted way before me lol. Silly, silly boy ;)

    5. you didn't get it, sister :) I meant that what you said for yourself is what I think about you too :)

    6. Oh, lol. Thanks Dezzy ♥ I thought you were trying to be the sparkly fabulous shoe :) Even so, there's enough room for both our fabulous butts, but our fabulousness might blind all the others ;)

    7. How come she didn't get that, Dezzy? Maybe you should finish that blueman cake before you open your elven mouth so she can actually hear what you're saying. It's so confusing. Poor Theresa.

  20. Replies
    1. From coast to coast!
      Delicious like toast!

    2. after a refreshing short break in the previous post, R is back to his usual self, Blue

  21. Just one more question...

    They actually do say that---

    This question is asked not to discuss religion. I know we would rather not talk about religion or politics. I am inquiring cuz I value yr thoughts. I think u have explained to me and where u stand.

    What kind of book do u view the Bible as?

    Fiction, non-fiction, History book or/and God's Word?

    Miss Stormy "Gumshoe" Marples

    1. Depends on the testament. There's no doubt in my mind we're dealing with history mixed with politics, hope and (male) human interpretation. I grew up with the Bible as my family is religious but somehow I've always been distrustful of anything penned down by men. I do believe there's more than meet the eye, especially since I believe our eye is incredibly limited.

    2. This comment has been removed by the author.

    3. So I wanted to reply.... and it's... gone... See if I remember what you wrote. Testament.... yes, I meant old or new testament.

    4. Sometimes, it is best to keep certain things to ourselves I thought. So I decided to take it down. I am learning not to put stuff out there so much anymore. Best just to keep it inside or written in a journal at home. Everyone's interpretation is based on what they know and what they have experience. U and I might look at the same event/situation and see something totally different based our our life story. No???

      ProfessorAlex is teaching me that--

      He will never forget the abuse. And he is cautious with certain parts of his body as I am sure he was severely hurt. And, of course, I will love him till the day I die but I cannot take those memories away. No???

      Humans are we not the same. We can't forget the pain/hurt someone else brought into our lives. And we carry that around with us the rest of our lives. Expecting to be treated the way we have been by past people. No???

      That was it in a nutshell.

      The other was my religious thoughts. And, well, it best to keep those out of public.

    5. I had a feeling that's why you decided to delete delete delete. I agree, sometimes we need to keep things to ourselves. I used to write journals at home too but when I was 28 or so I threw them all away. I guess I couldn't face my own blueness anymore rereading my own entries. Everyone's interpretation is based on experience and our way of thinking. Let me, in turn, tell you a little story. It happened to me when I was twenty. I was twisting and turning in my bed in the middle of the night when suddenly I felt a presence, someone big and ugly standing right next to my bed looking at me. I didn't dare to look but I knew it wasn't human (or so I thought). I just froze. I tried to scream... I couldn't. I tried to move.. I couldn't. After a while - I don't know how long - I could move a couple of fingers and I made a noise tapping against the radiator on the righthand side of my bed. That's when I unfroze, say, and I could move and speak again. There was no one in my room, but I swear I felt a presence and it was not friendly at all. Just typing this 24 years down the line makes my skin crawl. That day I went to church and cried a very long time. I just sat there, not even listening to what anyone was saying.

      Thanks for the nutshell. I hope one day Professor Alex only remembers the good ole days… with you.

  22. I'd be an orthopedic shoe with velcro, because I'm awkward but functional.

    Fun fact: I have a lucky pair of writer shoes that I wear to every big book signing. I wore them to our signing over the weekend and we met a publisher who's interested in turning the blog into a book. I credit the shoes. Why are they my lucky shoes? Because of the sole (or soul).

    1. Sole or soul--

      How appropriate--

      Considering the previous blog was about death and now shoes--

      Whom would have thought that out of a blog on shoes--one might come across the topic of the soul yet once again.

    2. No kidding… an orthopedic shoe. I didn't see that one coming.

      See, now I'd want to be someone's lucky shoe. Someone who deserves a break.

  23. Replies
    1. And it's only just begun. :) How are you today? What kind of shoe would a Silver Fox be?

    2. Something comfortable in a basic black!

    3. Excellent choice. Comfy is good.

  24. I love this! You have a Dr. Seuss-ish style that's fun and whimsical and very entertaining. I personally wouldn't want to be a shoe. Yuck. Sweaty feet!

    1. Don't make me blush. My name is Blue, not Red. What would you want to be?

  25. Replies
    1. Why, thank you. So is your comment :)

  26. I'll have one of each, I mean one pair of each please.

    1. Ah a shoe fetishist... One of each coming right up.

    2. I don't need a house a closet is enough a huge shoe closet is enough. One lady in a shoe - that is me :)

    3. Lady in a Shoe.... Sounds like the title of a book I just want to read.

  27. OK, that's impressive! I'm not even going to try to steal this idea. I don't have enough rhymes in me.

    1. What do you mean you don't have enough rhymes in you? Let's find out. Here we go...

      My name's E.B. and I like to run
      Running in my book is so much....
      When I start running I'm never done
      For running in my book is so much....

      Well? Would you like to reconsider?

  28. I'm pretty sure that if I were a shoe, I would be that favorite pair of old broken-in sandals. The really nice ones that last forever and fit the wearer's feet so perfectly, that they can't imagine wearing anything else, and the very idea of replacing them is nothing short of blasphemy.

    I'm loyal and trustworthy, and I tend to have a calming influence on the people around me, which inspires confidence and makes them feel comfortable in my presence. I am sensible, and I can see the good in people. I'm not perfect, but people like me, and I'm just one of those types that everyone likes to have around.

    And that, Professor, is a brief essay about what type of shoe I think I am and why. A+ stuff, right? :)

    1. That favorite pair of old broken-in sandals… I know THAT pair! You mean the real nice ones? YEP! I know them. Replacing you would be blasphemy, alright. I dare anyone to replace you. I'd make them eat my blueman cake.

      Ah… you're loyal too. But be careful now, Candice… There are a lot of folks out there who would want to take advantage of your wonderful loyalty. You may already have found out like me. I wouldn't like you if you were perfect. Perfection breeds suspicion. Yes, you may quote me. Modesty is not one of my traits, I'm afraid. ;)

      I love your essay. An A+ for you, young lady! Put it in a picture frame and make them jealous!

  29. This is quite the conundrum for me. I hate feet. Always have. The only feet I like are baby feet - so cute and adorable. But, once they get that arch - disgusting!

    So, I suppose I would be okay being a baby's shoe. Or, maybe a flip-flop because that means we are headed to the beach (and are nice and airy) no chance for sweat in those buggers! Unless you are a naturally sweaty person…then it's all squishy inside the flip-flop. Ugh!

    1. I bet you're sleeping tight dreaming about feet. No? Well, come to think of it…. Feet are not the most beautiful things on this planet, are they? (That's a rhetorical question, dear. I'm asking it especially for you.) So I gather you're a fan of socks and shoes alike? Hide them ugly bastards! But I'm told by a peaceful herd of foot fetishists that your feet are not ugly at all. Quite the opposite. ;)

      Anytooters, I'm pretty sure you'd make a sweet little baby shoe. Would you be expensive? A flip-flop? You wouldn't want to be a flip-flop…. a flip-flop for a squishy foot….. a smelly foot….. Check out that arch! THE HORROR! THE HORROR!

      You can wake up now. It was only a dream.


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