Sound questions aplenty when the party's over before it's even started: yesterday was my birthday and I still got to sleep on the couch. What's that all about, Mister? Well, the buzzword is hippo-snoring. You may have heard of it. As in literally, for my hippo-snoring is so sophisticated chances are you can hear me crystal clear all the way across the big lake. I know my Bollywood princess can. The one sleeping upstairs. Did I mention there's a drop-dead gorgeous woman sleeping upstairs? She's so gorgeous I think she's wearing makeup when in actual fact she is not. If anyone should be wearing makeup, it should be me. Amen.
I need to solve this snoring business. I wonder if Manzanita knows a herb that makes me sleep like the Sleeping Beauty. I wonder if there's a magic Kitty Cat rhyme to break the snoring spell from hell. Amen plus one. Hey, Shoes, let me sniff those sneakers of yours so my Hippo takes a permanent hike. No? Maybe Jules can lure Mr Hippoman away from me. She's so beautiful the only thing she needs to do is wink. I know, I'm pretty desperate. Couch jockeys beware: this could happen to you too. I may be your future. So now I feel it's my responsibility to shield you from my blue hippo fate. I need a shield. Where's Reagan when you need him? I'm just saying it could happen to you too. It all starts with an innocent snore. ZZZZ. Nothing like the tremors I now produce. Hello Mr Earth Worm. Just ZZZZ. But then you turn 40 and ZZZZ turns into
COUGH! COUGH! SNORE
BIEBER BIEBER ZZZZZZ
Yes, you may end up sounding like Bieber on steroids. The horror! It happened to me. So here's the plan. I need to design stealth mode earplugs that I will secretly insert into Angie's delicate ears (she refuses to wear earplugs, how rude!). They will include Bluetooth connectivity, motion sensor-enabled capabilities and voice control. They will switch on automatically when that first ZZZZ escapes from my blue respiratory structures, crosses the space between moi and Mrs Blue with the sole intention of waking her up and making me look bad. My voice controlled Anti Hippo 1.0 will outsmart my snore. Ha!
Or I could find a way to stop snoring. Good point.
Q, any ideas that might work for me? Anyone? Hello?
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