MENTAL NOTE

"Though we cannot make our sun stand still, yet we will make him run."
Blue, resist the urge to use facebook. You can do it. Good luck.
Cats and dogs can be friends. So can cowboys and indians. So can we.
Why try to be the best when there's no hierarchy in heaven?

Sunday, October 19, 2014

Dear Santa . . .

Dear Santa, 

I'm sorry to interrupt your well-deserved vacation on the Bahamas (yes, I know), but I'm desperate. I'm not going to beat around the bush: I need to borrow one of your elves. It's kind of an emergency.

As you are well aware, I've always been a naughty boy. I dream about hot tubs and camels at the beach while you're having your way with Mrs. Santa in the name of holy matrimony. Now, I know what you're thinking.... You're thinking, that boy has been sleeping on that couch way too long, so he needs this elf. You're so right. I knew you'd understand. Great speedos by the way. Does Mrs. Santa still call you the Dirty Pole? I bet she does. She's always been into that Passion On Ice kinda thing that you once so wanted to show me. I think you said you were skilled? Oh I remember, and I still don't think that was funny, you dirty red hat. I know what kind of present you wanted to give me. See, now I'm digressing. Do you think my readers have nothing else to do while you're playing Who's Your Santa with the locals?

Focus.

So, what I need is an elf. A sexy elf. An elf that's one of a kind. An elf that blows... you know, your mind away. I've been riding that couch of mine (quote) way too long (unquote), and I'm told by Batman himself that Angie is no longer interested in my repertoire of dazzling blue tricks on a stick. Of course, that has nothing to do with my wanting to borrow an elf. See, I need an elf to infiltrate into the government — you know, to make things right. Maybe whisper a few revolutionary ideas in The President's ear too so we can have world peace instead of X-mas? (Politicians tend to be good listeners when sexy elves talk dirty to them in the name of all things right.) You know that. You call it matrimony. What do you mean you prefer X-mas? And you're still asking me why I'm blue? How could you even say such a thing...

Blue

P.S.: I'm sending you this letter in one of my dreams. Since I don't remember any of my dreams, you know I'm 100% innocent. Hello... politicians.... are you eavesdropping on me?
P.S.2: 66 days 'till X-mas. Yay! So get your butt of those Bahamas and send us some presents. Health In A Box will do just fine.
P.S.3: Today's my Mom's birthday. Maybe you could send her that box instead of me. (So what if that's not grammatical?)

* * *


118 comments:

  1. Be careful what you wish for, he might send you the dentist Hermey

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    1. Great reference. Now I have that song in my head, "Why don't I fit in?"

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    2. Adam, thanks for the tip. Now, keep that Hermey away from me.

      Pickleope Von Pickleopeland... why don't you fit in? That's a rhetorical question, right? Right?

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    3. ho ho ho one coming up ho ho ho

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    4. Well aren't you the most poplar blue man I know - Santa follows you? hmmpf, I didn't even get a Christmas card from him last year!

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    5. Hey, you're right... Santa follows me. What, not even a lousy X-mas card? As in zero? How rude! And you so deserve some health in a box, too. Santa!

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  2. All the elves in the world won't change what's going wrong with the government right now.
    If he doesn't come through with an elf, can I interest you in a clone? Not one of mine, but one of the Kate Beckinsale clones?

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    1. How depressing. But I'm blue already so no extra harm done. But you were saying..... um.... you've got this Kate Beckinsale clone? Bony Ass Kate or Look I'm So Cute Kate? There's a difference. Don't answer that. Just send me one. See, I feel better already.

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  3. Wait, you talk to Batman!?! When you're in the middle of a sentence does he disappear like in the comics or is he courteous? Does he have that weird Christian Bale gruff voice or is he more Adam West like? Since the only thing you see is nostrils down, is he meticulously shaved and have great dental work? I'd want to talk to Batman but I'm afraid if I did talk to Batman it would be because I was in trouble or a nefarious super-villain.

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    1. I talk to Batman and Batcat. Why do you sound surprised? He appears uncourteously and his breath is kinda smelly, buy he doesn't have that Blockbuster Isn't My Voice Ridiculous voice that Bale loves so much. You may be in for a surprise for, you see... the real Batman sounds a bit like J.R. Remember him? He wears a hat and bears little resemblance to Adam West, but I have to be honest... I've never seen him climb a building.

      What would you need help for? If you were a nefarious super-villain, I'd go and buy a ticket to see you kick that Batman's firm buttocks! Would you be called The Pickleopeman?

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  4. Beat the crowd
    None to bother
    Christmas is about
    around the corner

    Santa's attention
    is being solicited
    Elf for companion
    Plainly requested

    Get president's ear
    Enhance political will
    Rightly noble idea
    Yet to be fulfilled

    Peace is elusive
    Needs to be positive

    Hank

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    Replies
    1. Hank the Poetry Tank is back. Yep. his attention sure is solicited. Not sure if he's going to deliver the goods, though. I guess politicians talk and even some may even listen, but almost all fail to act. No? Their pay should be based on achievements if you ask me. I know it's the only way I'm getting paid.

      How's life?

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  5. Elves with hammers may cause a few stammers but elves looking naughty even with a good body, may not cause much sway. But hey, I'll take one at my bay. Politicians will never change unless they all can be put out on the range and start anew. But that will never come due. So you dream of santa porn? Whatever floats your ummm horn.

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    1. Do you reckon they exist... elves with good bodies? Would you like me to have Santa send you... what... just one? I dream of many things, or so I'm told. I never remember my dreams, Pat. Maybe that's a good thing.

      As for "the horn..." 00:27

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  6. You might end up waiting a very long time

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  7. I had a dream that's just for you.
    Santa said, "Go tell Blue:
    an elf or two is on the way -
    they've finished cleaning Santa's sleigh.

    Lots of snow cream, um, on the floor
    took awhile to clean for sure.
    As for the prez, he's getting sticks,
    much like the blue one you use for tricks.

    The Santa Elf Manual 101
    provides tips for political fun.
    You only have till X-mas eve.
    To do the deeds up your sleeve.

    So get your ass off that couch.
    Sexy elves don't love a grouch.
    But in my dream I heard them giggle
    hoping they might see the Blue man wiggle."

    Gosh darn, Blue, didn't know you could wiggle. (blush)

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    1. #Wiggle it, just wiggle it!# Do you know that horrible song? 1:03
      I know... some things you just don't want to remember.

      Did you say lots of cream on the floor? Haha! Okay, now give me some of those M&M's of yours. Giggle and wiggle. Everybody!

      #Wiggle it! Just wiggle it!#

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    2. "Just a little bit"... hahahhahaha, thanks and now I'm blushing!

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    3. Blushing is a good thing. It reminds us we're alive!

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    4. You know - I wrote a horror poem called, Your basic Blue Hollow Nightmare. You like blue, right?

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    5. How did you guess? So where's the poem?

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  8. Wait? Is you telling us that Angelina and you are not having sex any more? I always get a bit lost in your posts :)

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    1. Dez.....I kinda thought the same thing......

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    2. well, I'm the one to ask... not that I had sex in time that I can remember.....

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    3. Dazzling Dezzzzmeister from Dezzy World... Let's see... when it's my birthday, my wedding day, Halloweener (Hello, Weener!), Thanksgiving ("Give me more, darn it!"), X-mas ("Check out those jingle bells!") and New Year's Eve... What more does a blue guy want?

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    4. Linda... Say it ain't so! Well, it is almost Halloween, so I need to dust off my... um... outfit.

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    5. it's still more than Dezzy gets :) or maybe a :( would be more appropriate!
      Well, as long as me has green fingers.....

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    6. Green fingers won't help you, Dezzy.

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    7. What will help him, Wendy, do you reckon?

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    8. a hundred green fingers :)
      ISpeaking of hundred, is this your first post, Blue, without a hundred comments?

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    9. I guess people don't like X-mas in October. Or me.

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    10. 'tis old news, you're reaching the 100 right about now....

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    11. You've won an elf of your own choosing.

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    12. And I raise you a triple HA, Dezzmeister! :p
      Thanks, Linda.

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    13. I pick Thranduil! Send him to my address!

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    14. I'll send all of them your way. It's about time you had another party... Just don't show me any pictures. My eyes are playing enough tricks on me the way it is.

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  9. Sweetheart, I think you're old enough to understand that there isn't any such thing as Santa Claus. Just forget about it. I have.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. But... but...but... that's kinda depressing and so not in keeping with the spirit of Let's Fool Ourselves And Sit On A Tree Day. No?

      You called me... Sweetheart. :)

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  10. Happy Birthday to your Mother. Is she having a party? Mother's deserve a party. I want a party on my birthday this coming year.

    I suppose it is time to start thinking of Christmas. I like jolly old elves and the song, Santa Baby. All this snow and mistletoe stuff is creepy.

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    1. Thank you, Manzanita. Yes, there was a wonderful party last night. She even got herself a brand new iPad. Well, what do you know... I don't even have an iPad. Good for her. You so deserve a party. What kind of party did you have in mind?

      My favorite X-mas song is Elvis's Merry Christmas, Baby. What can I say...

      How are you today? Guess what... I'm eating dried Papaya as I type all of this.

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    2. I'm impressed because of two things. One that you are eating the papaya and two that your Mother bought herself a new iPad. Great presents for both you and your mom.
      Thanks for including the URL of Santa Baby. Yeah, I like that too, that bluesy beat that is so great for dancing West Coast Swing.

      I really love to grab a papaya spear for a mid-afternoon pick-me-up and that gal in the vid on YT said it tasted pretty gross. I disagree, don't you?

      My dance floor is sitting in my garage, all in just the boards. I would like that installed in my crummy old garage because it is a beautiful maple, floating floor with air space under it. Then, next summer, I can have a 85th year party (won't be on my B/D) but in the rock garden and invite everyone I know and we can all dance on the beautiful floor in the garage. Of course your coreopsis will be there too, all in full bloom. That is the kind of party I want.
      I hope you are feeling well and zipping around like crazy.

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    3. Why, thank you, Manzanita. I didn't think I could still impress people. Papaya is great stuff. I don't know why some would say it tastes like... well, you know what 'they' say. That gall in the vid may not like it, but I know I do. I suppose there's no accounting for taste. Yep, Mom is excited about her iPad though I'm not 100% sure if she knows what to do with this miracle of modern technology. Not yet at least.

      Good to hear you like the song. I love it because (1) it really sounds like an Elvis song recorded in the early seventies and (2) it isn't one of those oh-let's-be-happy-even-if-you-don't-want-to X-mas songs.

      A dance floor sitting in your garage... Is that a fact? Well, my dance floor in on top of my house, but with the storms of late it might be a good idea to do my bit of dancing somewhere inside the house. Your 85th birthday... and a party that's not gonna be on your B /D... that's the kind of party to look forward to. I never celebrate my birthday. Maybe I should shock the hell out of everyone and throw myself a party one day. My cereopsis in full bloom... I'd like to see a picture of that lovely plant come next summer.

      I'm not feeling well, but I'm smiling nevertheless. Did you say, zipping around :)

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    4. "Damn Sam, ya made my pants too short", as the old saw goes. Not feeling well is going against the grain, like a dress that wouldn't win on "project runway."Keep giving papaya a chance. If it worked once, who can say it can't work twice? :) You'll get your picture next summer..... if we're all alive. I always end on a cheery note. LOL

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  11. Hi Blue...
    I am really starting to worry about you....
    Happy Birthday to Mom♥️
    There is no Santa....shhhhh..you didn't hear that from me!
    Try and enjoy your week......ok?
    Blue? Are you there? Yoo hoo.....Blue?
    Oh...I guess you're gone....see 'ya!
    Cheers!
    Linda :o)

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    1. No need to worry, Linda, but I'd be lying like a rug if I told you I didn't like the extra attention ;) Thanks. What! No Santa? How about a Blue Santa? No, you're right... it's kinda scary. No? Yes?

      How's life, Linda? And your geraniums?

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    2. My Geraniums are swell...
      Thanks for enquiring....
      You cheeky thing.....

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    3. I love it when you call me cheeky!
      (Did you hear that, Eddie?) ;)

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  12. Ha! I sure hope that sexy elf can talk some sense into those politicians...

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    1. Talk may not be... what sexy elves have in mind. Oh well, if it works, it works. ;)

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  13. If anyone can get Santa to listen, it's you, Blue. Is it true you're still sleeping on the couch? If so, that makes me sad. What can be done?? Healing vibes to you, my favorite Blue friend!

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    1. Well, he did say - and I quote - "ho ho ho one coming up ho ho ho". So, unless he's a crook or a lier, we will have ourselves a sexy elf. Yep, I'm a afraid my average couch time is still impressive. 100% couchie couchie every single night. Not that I ever remember falling asleep...

      Thanks :)

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  14. Great writing. Very funny! Nothing like a good laugh first thing in the morning. Thanks:))

    And Happy Birthday to Mother Blue Gumpster:))

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  15. Replies
    1. That's not what MR. COUNTDOWN is saying! What do you mean, 'He can't count'? :0

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    2. Keith is waiting for Christmas:))

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  16. Lego batman : I always work in black, sometimes very very dark grey. What would be the blue version of it?

    Poor Angie, how does she do it? Batman, blue, Santa - oh my, she is one strong wonder woman I say.

    Happy Bday to mama blue. Her bday wish is trust me - NOT to see blue jump out of cake.

    What is your halloween costume - blue Santa? kinda like grumpy SMURF?

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    1. You always work in black.... sometimes very very dark grey... Don't tell me it's got something to do with a very special painting on board a very special rocket.... No? Well, if so, my blue version would be shiny blue leather, of course. Angie closes her eyes and pretends I'm normal. She's pretty smart that way. Momma Blue enjoy the party. We got her an iPad, too. Wonder what she will be using it for. It's not a tray, Momma. Anyway, I didn't jump out of a cake this time. That's something you'd reserve for my own birthday when people expect shocking spectacles. This year's Halloween outfit will not be Grumpy Smurf but... let's see... Blue Bat. No Robin.

      So, how's life been treating the One Who Has Been Quiet?

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  17. Replies
    1. Blue, did Dave just say he dreams of you?

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    2. Sing it, Elvis! #I'll-eh have-eh a blue Christmas without you...#

      Well?

      I hope for his sake he didn't. But you never know. Stranger things have happened before in The World of All Things Who.

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    3. Elvis has left the building...for the buffet table.

      Who knows Blue Who Knows...

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    4. ...but I have a blue.... blue blue blue X-mas. Guitar solo!

      David?

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    5. Blue, is David saying that Elvis is hiding in Walstonia? I just knew he wasn't dead!

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    6. I was thinking the exact same thing.

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    7. somebody must investigate! Send our secret spies to the court of Walstonia!

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    8. Good plan. Anything I can do to help?

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    9. spy on Dave while he is lurking around the blogosphere... he is awfully suspicious with that big hair of his....

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  18. Today would have been my mom's 97th birthday, if she were still here. She never messed around with elves, though, not to my knowledge, anyway...

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    1. Of course she never did. That's something sons come up with. No, not you, of course.

      Right?

      Think about it..... sexy elves.... No? ;)

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  19. Let's see, a sexy Elf....I'm thinking Will Farrel! No? But funny is sexy, I say!

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    1. Thanks for that mental picture! Yeah, funny is sexy, but so far Farrel has never ever made me smile, so.... Now, if you were talking, say, Scarlet or Alyssa Milano, well,... You bet they'd put a smile on my face so big I'd have to seek help.

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  20. Ack! Don't listen to the haters! If you want to write a letter to Santa Claus, you go right ahead and do it, Blue! You and Elvis can both have your Blue Christmases (although they might not necessarily be blue for the same reasons...)

    And if you hear from that guy anytime soon, could you ask him if he got my letter this year? The one asking him for a free trip to the UK? Thanks!

    Oh, and also, I don't care how sexy the elf is, there's nothing that can fix this government. It's completely broken. I mean, worse than that window my little brother shot with a BB gun broken!

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    1. That's right.... Don't listen. Elvis... I never thought I'd see the day I'd be older than Elvis when he went to Lalaland back in August 1977. I sure remember that day. I was so blue when I heard he'd left the planet.

      Ah you'd like to go to the UK? Why in the world would you want to do that? Everytime I'm there, I'm shocked to find everyone's driving on the left, so when I need to cross the street I say ten Hail Mary's 'cause you never know what's gonna happen next.

      Nope, the government is way beyond saving. Has been for a while. Your brother did what....?

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    2. Yep, the husband and I have always wanted to visit the UK, no matter which side of the road they insist on driving on. He loves the history, I love the literature and music. When we finally do get to go, I hereby declare that it shall be epic. I'm totally gonna visit Charles Dickens' house and I'll probably cry...I may have divulged too much here...

      My little brother (when he was 9 or 10 years old), decided it would be a really great idea to go outside with his friend and shoot his BB gun at targets--set up in such a position that they were shooting toward the house. Not cool. And while the hole he made was small, it was unfixable (like the government, hence the comparison) and still required the replacement of the entire bay window!

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    3. There's no such thing as divulging too much. You know I can keep a good secret... Dickens... I've got THIS annotated edition of Christmas Carol. How posh... I know!

      I'm afraid I did worse things than your little brother... I once accidentally shot someone with a bow and arrow... in the foot. I was, what, seven when that happened. And he was a friend of mine too. That day I decided never to touch a gun or bow and arrow again.

      I may have divulged to much here.

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    4. Ooh! Very nice! A couple of years back, my little sister gave me a beautifully illustrated version of that book. I love it! She knows how much I love Dickens, and she also knows that I read 'A Christmas Carol' every December. That book was one of the most thoughtful gifts I'd gotten in a while. (Well, from someone other than Ty, but he's almost eerily thoughtful sometimes. You can't fault other people for not being on his level. It might give someone a complex...)

      I like shooting bows and arrows. It's fun. Then again I've never actually injured anyone while doing it, so that could be a factor. I bet that was pretty upsetting to watch your friend in pain like that. So sad!

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    5. Too much... I hate this new laptop of mine. When I need a double o, I get one. When I need a double t, I get one. Flat keys are not all that.

      Having said that, let's have a look at your wonderful comment.

      Ah I should've known... you've got your own special edition. Good for you. I've got so many special editions I keep asking myself, What if my house burns down? Do you know what I mean? Eerily thoughtful... realy? (one L only... did you see that? Stupid keyboard.) I guess he can teach me a thing or two. Lucky you.

      He was in shock. I had no choice but to walk up to him, say, "Hey, what's that?!" and pull that arrow right out of him foot. Strangely enough there was almost no blood. Unbelievable. And, of course, I still remember. I bet he does too.

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  21. OMG. I need some mental bleach now.

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  22. Lol. Thanks for the good laugh. I can use some holiday humor about now.

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    1. You're welcome, Lady Lilith. Would you believe me if I told you that some of the department stores in my neck of the wood are already selling X-mas trees and X-mas decoration? Dear Lord and heaven above. I swear I thought I'd ended up in the Twilight Zone.

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  23. LOL it's too early to be thinking of Santa and I don't even want to know what you would be doing with one of his elves. O.o

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    1. You don't? Why not? Don't you play Scrabble? ;) Yeah it's too early to be thinking of Santa, but I was in one of our local malls and there were X-mas trees everywhere! I had to blink twice.... X-mas trees and X-mas decoration... spruce... the whole package.

      No, I'm not kidding.

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  24. Stupid blogger won't let me reply
    Need to poke it in the eye
    But yeah I'll take one or two
    Not sure I want that mail horn to come due

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    1. It often eats my comments. Why don't they go and sit on a pinetree. So now it's two? Hahahaha!

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    2. Google gets a pine tree up the ass
      And I get a sexy elf, or two, lass

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    3. Hahaha be careful, Cat....
      My face might crack just like that.

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  25. You want a sexy elf? I just want a Keebler elf that constantly brings me cookies. I guess we all have our priorities.

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    1. You fellas don't? How odd. And what if she came with a truckload of beer? No? Cookies? Did you say cookies? As in... sexy cookies? As in, "Hey, you look like a cookie too me"?

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    2. Well, if she came with a truckload of beer I wouldn't need her to be sexy, because that beer would easily turn her into Scarlet Johansson after enough drinking.

      Alcohol - the REAL Christmas miracle.

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    3. Hahahaha good point. But what about the pictures you'll in your mailbox the next day? Photoshop?

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  26. Happy belated birthday to momma blue..oh and since you are in a Christmas mood here is one just for you! Sorry no elves included. Think I'll skip winter and Christmas this year. Hope you are feeling better Blue.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oW3DnN2zLKQ

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    1. Great song, great performance, great everything. Even the outfit. Sing along, Truedessa:

      #I'll be so blue thinking about you....#

      That's the spirit!

      Feeling a bit better already :)

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    2. How are you and Angie blue?
      She feel better?
      Many times I dont see you.
      Alwsys I think you dont believe in Santa:))
      BTW always I love your lovely draws!

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    3. I'll have a Blue Christmas without you
      I'll be so blue just thinking about you
      Decorations of red on a green Christmas tree
      Won't be the same dear, if you're not here with me

      singing a long Blue...

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    4. Hi, Gloria. Angie and I are both ill. That's why we're blue. You know that blue means sad, right? Anyway, she's got lots of pain in her back and muscles and I need to work less than I've been doing these past few weeks. That's why you've seen less of me. Of course I believe in Santa. A man's got to believe in himself. Come X-mas, guess who's the one paying the bills... Thanks. I appreciate your liking my drawings, Gloria Dear.

      How are you doing?

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    5. Truedessa... you know I like the sound of that!

      Guitar solo! (Shoes? Hello?)

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    6. Hey Blue still singing..feel free to jump in..

      and when those blue snowflakes start falling
      That's when those blue memories start calling
      You'll be doin' all right, with your Christmas of white
      But I'll have a blue, blue blue blue Christmas

      guitar solo (Shoes to assist???) has he mastered the guitar..




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    7. But I'll have a blue... blue blue blue X-mas.

      When that Teach when you need him?

      Blue guitar solo! (close your ears now)

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  27. You are a little serious.:)
    I love your Chrismas Countdown!
    xo
    See you.
    Hugs to Angie:)

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    Replies
    1. Just a little bit, Gloria Dear. Never too much.

      Thanks. 59 days till X-mas :) Is there any dish that you have in mind or a special blue dessert? No? ;)

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  28. A sexy elf infiltrating the government could get rather interesting. You'll have to let us know how that goes.

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  29. A sexy elf that blows, eh? Just let me get on the blower with the big Ho and I'll see what I can do for ya my blue friend ;)

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  30. You noticed... Well, at least someone's paying attention :) Hi, Jules.

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