What are the tell-tale signs of temporal out-of-touchness? If you don't know, you may be in trouble. Big trouble. Then again, it may be that you're so very much in the swim of all things modern, hip n' trendy that you are 100% clueless as to whatever might be torturing moi and the likes of me. Better make that us so I don't feel so self-centered. Let's see...
Do you refuse to switch on your smart phone every 5 minutes while you're pretending to be watching some movie at your local movie theater? I know you are pretending because you've been sending me a message every five minutes: "Hey, Blue, I'm watching The Floppit part 3. Too bad you have to work, Mr. Poopy Pants!" "Blue, you loser, this movie is great. I don't know what it's about, but it's pretty loud, alright!" "Haha Blue, you dipstick... if you were here, we could take a selfie. Say FLOPPIIIIIIIIIIIT! Don't I look good? These chairs really match my eyes, don't you think? Oh never mind that grumpy nutcase sitting next to me. He doesn't know bright light only hurts when you are, like, you know, like, a Gremlin haha! What a dick! OOPS!"
Do you read books? You're not a Facebook fetishist? You don't get upset when your professor Blue asks you to (1) study 50 pages plus (2) prepare yourself mentally for a final exam without your best pal and brain replacement tool Google? You don't? Well, I suggest we have a drink. Better make that a double. Bartender! What do you mean your attention span "isn't short"? Short is the new long. What are you thinking? Your laptop (a what?) has a CD-ROM player? Dear Lord! You must be a crazy old fool! Please don't say next you'd rather wear bootcut jeans than those top of the line ultra-hip balls-crushing skinny jeans that make you sound like the Bee Gees (who?)... And who uses the word hip anyway? What do you mean you love your momma more than you love the you that's really a ME? Here's a pill.
So I just step into my DVD time-machine and transport myself to a time when I was beyond hip. When visiting friends didn't mean sitting down and staring at your phone all evening. When sharing meant sharing, not sharing. Here's to us: a dying breed.
|Blue Helmet's Now-Now|
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