MENTAL NOTE

"Though we cannot make our sun stand still, yet we will make him run."
Blue, resist the urge to use facebook. You can do it. Good luck.
Cats and dogs can be friends. So can cowboys and indians. So can we.
Why try to be the best when there's no hierarchy in heaven?

Thursday, January 8, 2015

It's Gonna Be a Long and Lonely Summer... without You (Sing along!)

Do you know what it's like to obsessively look forward to a really LONG n' HOT summer in the heart of Spain? You save up a bit of cash (unbeknownst to the Idiots Receiving Shit, of course... pardon my colloquial Swedish), you dive into your closet every now and then to dig up and admire your finest dust-infested red Speedo that still needs to be washed (eeew) or ultra-sexy bikini (yay!), you hold it against your blushing cheeks (Oooooh how soft it is! Is it hot or is it me?) because you know it's only a matter of months before you climb on board that good ole super jet, fasten your seatbelt that has your name on it and fly all the way to the country of Rioja and mighty fine women. Yes, sir! Let me raise you an olé. Olé!

So what if I'm married? A man is allowed to fantasize even if he's kitty whipped. Not that I'm referring to myself, oh no I'm not, but a friend of a friend that I've heard of is. We are all allowed to fantasize and hear ourselves wonder, What if? and when that plane finds its way to the runway of love, the door opens and you finally smell the hot air, that's when you know you're there. "Holá guapa! Dios mío, let me raise you an olé!" You're private taxi awaits you. "Mister Blue, Mister Blue, is that you?" "Yes, it is. Can't you see I need a ride to the finest hotel in sight? Take me there, my female taxi driver. And may I say you look dashingly terrific!"

Whoosh! Off you two go. Spain, here I come! Just look at it: it's beautiful! Just smell that woman's perfume... "Is it Agua de Guapísima?" "You're so funny, signor. It's Hypnotic Poison by Christian Dior " "Of course it is. Call me Blue." Whoosh! That woman can drive, alright! Oh I love this country! Just look at that hotel! That beach is reaching out for me: Come hither, come hither!

Minor problem is... I may be hiding in my closet right now sniffing my own Speedo dreaming of Spain and Valéria (that's the taxi driver's name), but the truth is... I won't be going to Spain for a long, long time. I didn't go there last year and I sure as heck won't be going there this year or next year for that matter. Ms. Bollywood Princess decided to go back to college and get a degree. She's studying tax law for heaven's sake (Hello, IRS, you Idiots Receiving Shit except for my money!), meaning our collective stack of dough is slowly but surely vaporizing. Sorry, Spain, you will have to do without me this time. And next time. Sigh sigh. Sniffle sniffle.

Unless... of course... I go ALL by myself hahahaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, climb on board that good ole super jet, fasten my seatbelt that has my name on it (Blue!) and fly all the way to the country of Rioja and mighty fine women. Valéria here I come! Yes, baby! Hold on to your butt!

No?

Like I said, a man is allowed to fantasize, and the way things are going right now, you can take it to the bank (that's robbing you blind) that Destiny Fantasy is the only place I'll be heading. Or my closet.

Just say it ain't so.
* * *
You wish. Somebody's been sniffin' somethin' way too long...


.......
P.S. Happy Birthday, Mr. Presley. I believe you would've been 80 today. Go figure. Seems to me my plane isn't the only thing that knows how to fly...

82 comments:

  1. As long as I don't have to think of any man in a speedo...
    I wouldn't recommend trying the Hypnotic Poison when you're there.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Let me erase that image for you. There. Better?

      Delete
  2. And why does sniffing a presumably used Speedo send you drifting off to Spain? Is it one of your own Speedos or did you get it through the mail?
    We must be sharing the hive mind because my post today has to do with Spanish words.
    It's too bad you won't be traveling, but this little bit of time you're investing now as your betrothed goes back to school will ultimately pay dividends. If she's really successful (which, what rich person doesn't need a tax lawyer?) then you can live the ultimate dream of being a house husband.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good question. Could it be... a magic Speedo? Nope, no mail involved, I'm sorry. I hope you're not thinking what I think you're thinking, signor Pickleope Von Pickleopeland. A blue house houseband, you say... (pondering pondering) Well, I guess I've got something to live for after all! Thank you for showing me the way. Olé! Now excuse me while I go and check out your Spanish poetry.

      Delete
  3. Wow, a speedo sniffer? That is a new low there speedo whiffer. Are you like the chinese and get used ones out of vending machines at your sea? That is just nasty and a bit scary haha erase that thought. The idiots receiving shit can go rot. Hopefully she gets all A's and then the job pays. She can bring home lots of dough and then trips to everywhere you can go. Or there is always the closet if not, with the smell of sweaty speedo rot.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Who... me? It's a bit like that thing cats do when they go sniff sniff haha! That IS a scary thought. How in the world am I ever gonna erase it? Vending machines... really? I have to say, you know a lot. Yeah, may the IRS have a horrible year.

      Delete
    2. haha so you are a cat? How about that. Or just a wannabe there at your sea. The cat knows useless stuff. Hopefully the irs's year will be tough

      Delete
    3. I always... wanna be. I wanna be rich, I wanna be young, I wanna be smart. Wait, smart I am, I just wanna be smarter and buy the IRS. Meow!

      Delete
  4. why don't you sell everything and move to Spain and open a private school of English there?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Because I'm lazy? Yeah, because I'm lazy.

      Delete
    2. but you can hire me as your PR and agent at the Spanish court if you do it... tempting isn't it? :)
      I don't speak Spanish... do you?

      Delete
    3. Very. I suddenly feel less lazy.
      Yes, but only to make myself understood. No Spanish literature or political speeches.

      Delete
  5. A Speed o eh? And sniffing it too!! Ewww!!

    I agree with fantasy too Blue. Excellent writing!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Eeew indeed haha. How's life, Phil? Thanks for stopping by.

      Delete
  6. Replies
    1. I raise you a DOUBLE DAMN plus complementary smile. Here it comes... :))

      Delete
    2. I know. I finished reading and I couldn't think of anything to say, except DAMN! I know... me... nothing to say...that was so damn funny. I read it a second time, only faster.(I have this urge to go into my closet).??

      Delete
    3. Ah that special urge... DAMN! It's contagious.

      Delete
    4. Excuse me. I forgot to ask you something earlier in one of my sixteen comments I made:

      Do you really speak "colloquial Swedish?" (Frackken rodden speedio iz gooten fitten?) I'll wait.

      Delete
    5. I wish... Are you asking me if my frigging red Speedo fits like a glove? that budgie smuggler!

      Delete
    6. So, 'tis twue, you DO speak "colloquial Swedish." (Buggen mauggin)

      Delete
    7. Let's just say that the Swedish twins I once knew understood me perfectly (grin grin).

      Delete
  7. Just a sojourn to sunny Spain
    Making friends with a taxi driver
    One is not divorced from pain
    May well be lots to discover

    The lady is now off to school
    To pick up from where she left off
    The dough subject to new rules
    Not destined in plane up above

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That about sums it up, Hank. How come you always make my fantasies sound so much better? ;)

      Delete
  8. Dream Deferred by Langston Hughes

    What happens to a dream deferred?

    Does it dry up
    Like a raisin in the sun?

    Or fester like a sore--
    And then run?

    Does it stink like rotten meat?
    Or crust and sugar over--
    like a syrupy sweet?

    Maybe it just sags
    like a heavy load.

    Or does it explode?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, I think it explodes the moment you make that dream come true. It's like sex that way... No?

      Delete
  9. I'm not saying I'm a hairy man, but if I was to wear a speedo you would see my dreadlock bottom....

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. stop teasing us, Dave :PPPP

      Delete
    2. Ha! it's more like eye bleach...

      Delete
    3. A dreadlock bottom... well, that's a first. You're a very special man, David. Somehow I knew your comment would get Dezzy's attention. He's got this special program that he uses to scan my comments.... It's called a dirty brain.... and he uses it to find words like dreadlock bottom which trigger his imagination.

      Eye bleach... My eyes hurt so maybe it works... ;)

      Delete
    4. 'tis true I have a radar programme for naked bums,abs and pecs....

      Delete
  10. LOL! Loved this, BG! A woman is allowed to fantasize too, and I'm thinking of a cute Hawaiian surfer catching a wave with me on his surfboard! I will make it to Waikiki in a couple of months, but the reality will probably be me paddling my hubby around on my stand up paddle board! My hubby is very cute, but he is not a Hawaiian surfer. and he doesn't mind if I try to catch them on the waves with my camera. And he's very gentlemanly about helping me back to our hotel room, if I've had one too many mai tais watching surfers under the hot Hawaiian sun. I never made it to a Spanish beach, but a blind date in Madrid unexpected shot my life off-course and I ended up in the USA. I have fond memories of Spain, for sure. May you return there soon!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I love your imagination. Where would we be without it, right? There's nothing like a secret (or not so secret) fantasy to spice up our every day life. A blind date in Madrid. I was there in July 2013, a couple of weeks before I got ill Of course we had dinner at a restaurant no self-respecting signorita would ever want to foot the bill... extortionate prices. But that happened only once. You have to visit Mallorca. It's the most beautiful Spanish island. Spain... may you return there soon. :)

      Delete
  11. You are a good husband, sacrificing for your lovely wife, even if you like to make a fuss about it :) Soon enough, she will have a new job with her shiny new degree and off to Spain you'll go!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am? Why, thank you, dear. You're always so kind to your blue friend. Off I'll go? Yes, off I'll go!

      Delete
  12. When the former congresswoman (thankfully it's former) Michele Bachmann ran for President she visited my town in August. and wished Elvis a happy birthday. It was actually the day he died.

    She made a similar (and more embarassing) gaffe in Iowa with this quote

    ""Well what I want them to know is just like John Wayne was from Waterloo, Iowa. That's the kind of spirit that I have, too," "

    Except John Wayne the actor was not from Waterloo, Iowa. John Wayne Gacy was from Waterloo Iowa.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. She wished him a happy birthday on August 16? Really? Dear Lord, how embarassing... I remember August 16, 1977 like it was yesterday. I was seven back then. John Wayne wasn't from Waterloo? Really? ;)

      Delete
  13. Mr. RK and I have traveled separately - I like to travel more than he does, and he only likes to go to places once if they're far away. I've always wanted to go to Spain.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Mallorca is my favorite Spanish destination. You may want to check it out. It's a beautiful island.

      Delete
  14. Hahaha I was dreaming I was scuba diving last night...........IN SPAIN!!! Seriously!!!!

    I haven't been their either.............does not hurt to dream :-)

    Speedo's??? Budgie smugglers!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Seriously? Well, now you have to book a ticket and I'll meet you there. Scuba diving... I love it. Of course I would never wear a red spido. Blue. It has to be blue. Budgie smugglers haha

      Delete
    2. Sounds like a plan to me. I'll start saving!!!

      Blue budgie smugglers indeed :-)

      Delete
  15. Something about this post has caused an old song to start rolling around in my head. Its an old Three Dog Night Song ... 'Well I never been to heaven, but I've been to Oklahoma. I've never been to Spain. They tell me I was born there. But I can't remember.' Or something like that

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know that song by heart: CLICK! "They say the ladies are insane and they sure know how to use it....

      It's all true.

      Delete
  16. Ah, Spain... I've been there once. Clearly I went to the wrong Spain, though... I must visit your Spain some time. Fantasies are awesome.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There you are. Which Spain did you go to? :((

      Delete
    2. Barcelona...or should I say Barthelona?

      Delete
    3. Ah.... the big city... Not my favorite spot, but I AM impressed by your Spanish articulation. Baaaarthelona, si.

      Delete
  17. I can't afford to travel. I still find ways to amuse myself.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hear you. I amused myself last year, will do so again this year and next year... Any tips you would like to share that don't involve your special cake?

      Delete
  18. Your stack of cash is dwindling, but once she gets that degree...Spain it is, right? You need to set that goal. She'll be making some dough in tax law. That sounds like a career that brings in big $$$. My husband is going to San Francisco on business and I was going to fly out, but it's for NADA, a big auto convention, so the hotel rooms are $400+ a night. I don't think so!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. $400 a night... are the sheets made of gold?

      Delete
    2. I know, right? NADA--they jack up the prices. My husband was going to stick around for a few days after and fly me out, but we don't want to pay that much to see the sights of San Francisco. We'll just do it sometime when the hotels in the city aren't taking advantage of tourists!

      Delete
    3. Smart thinking, Stephanie. No need to get robbed blind when you can still see.

      Delete
  19. Speedos???? No no no no no.

    Not attractive on any male at all. Hahaha--

    Made "the" Professor a fried bologna sandwich last night. He loved it. January 21st, 2015 marks his 1 year rescue date. February 27 marks 1 year of him rescuing me. He will be photographed in Elmwood Cemetery in a few weeks doing whatever Professor wants to do. No staging photos. The best photos to me are the ones taken when u don't realize it.

    Mrs. Bollywood Princess in college again. Hooray!!! One should never stop "learning". It is way to fun to learn.

    Soon soon soon u will get to go to Spain again. How lovely vacation in Spain. I would love it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. No? Times five? Does that constitude a definite no-no? As in that's a no-go area, Blue? Well, maybe I was only kidding. Just maybe. I find speedos do look great on a pretty lady...

      You made my friend the Professor a fried bologna sandwich last night... Is that a fact? And he loved it, too? I thought I'd seen it all. I guess I'm just plain ignorant when it comes to furry friends and fried bologna sandwiches in the middle of the night. I need to go back to college, too, right? Yes, I'm proud of the Missus.

      Spain would look good on you, did you know that? ;)

      Delete
    2. Maybe one day my friend. Spain. Holy Lands. London. Germany. And lots of places here in US too.

      Delete
    3. Maybe one day. All we newd is luck sprinkled with bit of dough. It's an eady recepe - and yet... so difficult.

      Delete
  20. Spain. I've never been anywhere near there, but I've heard it's nice.

    Ms. Bollywood Princess is going back to college? That's amazing. And she's even studying the stuff that no one else wants to study. She's keeping those professors in business! She has my full support in this endeavor.

    Sorry that Spain is out of the question, though. At least for now. Keep on putting those pennies into your "Spain Jar," and you'll get there someday.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There were a couple of pennies in my Spain Jar, but yesterday my friggin' heating system broke down do gone are the pennies. I need a cookie, I really do. Yes, Angie is a certified um... student again haha can you imagine? I'm already dreaming about moving to Mallorca. Ever heard of that island? CLICK! and CLICK!

      Delete
    2. Stupid home repairs. I've been there.

      I've heard of Mallorca, but I've never seen pictures. And now I want to live there! Wow!

      Delete
  21. In memory of of King of Rock n' Roll

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GZ-k3oblIM8

    Tis dreams of love my soul embraces
    swaying under green tropical trees
    oh to sail to those faraway places
    feeling the heat of a gentle breeze

    Losing myself, under warm palms
    dancing wildflower across a blue sea
    scents of pleasure, sweet healing balms
    lost in ecstasy, untethered I am free

    Tis a fantasy, on an island oasis
    singing a melody meant just for two
    feeling alive, my beating heart races
    discovering the many facets of you

    The language of love no words spoken
    surrendering , livin' for the moment

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. ok, I'm not sure where that came from
      but, I decided to roll with it..

      Never stop dreaming Blue..

      Delete
    2. Thanks. It's always to painful to watch that concert back in 1977. How do you get from looking like THIS in 1970 to looking like that seven years down the line... It's a sad, sad story, alright.

      Wonderful lines, as always. I'd sure like a taste of that gentle breeze you speak of, Truedessa. Show me those scents of pleasure too while you're at it. Dear Lord, I've not been feeling too well these past few days, but something tells me your oasis would cure me in a split second. I wouldn't mind waiting a full hour either.

      I know exactly where that came from.

      Delete
  22. You dream of Spain, I'll dream of Hawaii! Someday, dear Blue, we will both get to our dream destinations.

    That's great Bollywood Princess is going back to college! Wishing her much luck on this new adventure!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Spain is within reach... unlike Bora Bora. Never been to Hawaii either but it is on my list. Too bad we can't split the bill.... Two for the price of one is my favorite line. Well, when it comes to vacations, it is.

      Yeah, she is. I must be dreaming. Wait.... I AM dreaming.... of Spain.

      Thanks, Theresa.

      Delete
  23. I didn't know you liked bikinis. I bet they are at least as flattering as the Speedo...

    I understand that if you drink enough Rioja you might start believing you are in Spain. May your dreams come true, and may you have a happy tax lawyer in your future.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You didn't? Well, when there's a beautiful woman in it, I sure don't mind taking a peek or two. No, I don't wear them haha. MY EYES! MY EYES!

      All it takes is one bottle. :))

      Delete
  24. Just out of interest, do your speedo's smell of Hypnotic Poison?

    Rioja...a place I have always wished to travel to: One, it is my favourite wine and 2: it is my favourite wine. It's so important I needed to mention it twice. The town looks absolutely beautiful too. I often holiday alone. If I really want to go somewhere, I sod off and have myself an adventure. Why not?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They sure do. Hypnotic Poison Deluxe Edition if you need the specifics. Without said hypnotic poison no one would believe I looked good in them.

      It is our favorite wine too... Well, why am I not surprised? You've got impeccable taste, Jules. Only the best is good enough for you, dear. Maybe I should travel alone as well and then we'll toast on our independence in Rioja before we take a sip of.... Rioja. You bet! Why not?

      Delete
    2. Sounds like a very, tasty plan, my lovely ;)

      Delete
  25. Good old summer. We are so covered in snow, I almost forgot what sun feels like :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. But here's the god news: It'll be spring soon. Real soon. Just don't go and count the days, is all. ;)

      Delete
  26. Say it isn't so. No wonder you're torturing us with HUGE banners of Bora Bora. *sigh* I hope the Mrs is appreciating this massive sacrifice cuz...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Say it...ISN'T so? How delightfully British. Repeat after me, cous: "Say it ain't so!" Make that vowel in ain't extra nasal and you're on your way. Where to? Don't ask. Sometimes my who life feels like a massive sacrifice. Yesterday my heating system broke down.... and in comes the bill. Yep, another one.

      Delete
  27. Buenos dias señor Grumpy blue.Muchos posts que no sabia de ud.
    No siempre el calor es bueno believe me!
    We live this summer the most big hot wave in years and Im exausted
    The spanish is for you can remember Spain!
    see you!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hola Gloria! Que guapa eres, Dios mio! Geh geh. I've been renovating my top floor because my new neighbor is as noisy as my previos one. It's terrible. So I've put up a new wall, which cost me ton and caused me to be even more tired. I need something to drink. Good thing Angie just made me a smoothie. Blackberries! Yes!

      Delete
    2. well Grumpy I noticed when some people forget me!! Believe me! Im not silly! sigh!!
      hugss!!

      Delete
    3. Never! There is only ONE Gloria Dear :))

      Delete

Speak your mind.