MENTAL NOTE

"Though we cannot make our sun stand still, yet we will make him run."
Blue, resist the urge to use facebook. You can do it. Good luck.
Cats and dogs can be friends. So can cowboys and indians. So can we.
Why try to be the best when there's no hierarchy in heaven?

Monday, January 26, 2015

Thank You for the Great Sex, Neighbor... Now, get out!

Wouldn't it be great if you could just kick your neighbors out of their own homes? In my case it would be better than sex. Good sex. The kicky stuff. 

If you're one of my twenty or so readers (yes?) and you happen to have been wondering if perhaps I had won a ticket to Mallorca, Spain, because I've been so quiet, or better yet, Bora Bora, which I really think should be called Blue Bora given the free advertising my blog has been offering y'all and I have yet to receive a dime from the King of Bora, well, I'm afraid I've been stuck in my house not blogging but renovating our top floor on account of a new influx of noisy neighbors.

So basically I've been too busy to visit you all and I should be very much ashamed. Yes, sir. What kinda friend am I, right? Right. Plus I've been writing more topnotch lessons than is healthy for unhealthy people like myself, so yeah.... that about sums it up. Any words of wisdom before I go and disappear for at least another week? Of course. Here they come: find yourself a truckload of dough and go live in a dense forest with an owl. There. I said it.

Now excuse me while I go and pretend I was cut out for doing things like building three foot walls and stuffing them with this soundproofing stuff I don't even know what it's called. But it IS expensive.

* * *


82 comments:

  1. Wouldn't it be easier and cheaper to entice hornets to invade your neighbor's house so they have to move?
    That sucks that you have to do all that work.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good tip. That will be my Plan B. Yes, it sucks, especially since it caused me to lose my voice a week ago (too much dust), but now I'm doing fine again. Thanks, Alex.

      Delete
  2. I unfortunately hear my neighbors making a baby through the wall quite often. I turn the TV loud so that I can't hear LOL

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That is unfortunate. The first time you hear your neighbors do the bang-bang ritual is always fun, but ater a while it gets on your nerves, especially when you need to go to work and they spend all morning snoring like a bunch of whoring banshees. Scary thought, I know.

      Thanks for stopping by. How is life?

      Delete
  3. I empathize. We had a neighbor once who would have raucous sex like clockwork at 3 AM. We tried using that foam stuff they put in music recording studios to no effect. You could try to break up the couple by having flowers sent to that address saying, "thanks for the hot time, the anal was a bit of a pleasant surprise." Then let things play out.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey there he is... the one and only Pickleope from Pickleopeland. How are you today, sir? I'm touch by your empathy, especially since I suspect you mean it too. I'm all too familiar with neighbors having raucous sex like clockwork at 3 AM. Actually, they started at 1AM and stopped at 5AM (no joke). That hump-happy bastard left the premises a year ago. This year's bastard can go to hell, too. I'm impressed by your master plan. Will do.

      Delete
  4. Hahaha
    Carhartts and even a tool belt !!!!!!! In which of the mighty Carhartt pockets do you stash your union card? I actually own a pair but not bibs. Double knee....boy they are the rat's ass.
    Seems like you just got rid of the sex screamer neighbors.....you mean more moved in? A bunch of my neighbors moved too and the houses are standing there, just waiting and that includes me too. It's like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Just move in and let's get it over with.
    Yeah buddy, I like your style. Ha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. My union card is kept safely in my back pocket, Manzanita. That way anyone who has the audacity to try to steal it, will need to touch Blue's butt first. I will notice haha. Yep, more noisy bastards moved in. Do you reckon I'm an idiot magnet? I hope not. May your new neighbors be stealth lovers.

      I like your style more ;)

      Delete
  5. couldn't you just report the noise morons to the authorities? Or retaliate with an even bigger noise in the middle of the night? :) Or record your snoring and play it loudly for them in the early morning hours? :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. The authorities are well aware of my complaints. I've been sending the cops on many a neighbor's ass, Dezz, but since it's new students every six months or so, there's no way anything constructive can be done about it. Until now. Plus a bit of threatening...

      Record my snoring? I don't snore. It's a rumor.

      Delete
    2. I wouldn't mind hearing young people shagging next door! :) I'd ask them to pull up the curtains and give me binoculars.

      Delete
    3. The first time was fun. The 100th time wasn't.

      Delete
  6. lol I've heard the baby making going on a time or three, the call of the wild doesn't impress me. But I'd get payback over building soundproof stuff. When rats attack they may find while in the buff.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Baby-making? So that's what it sounds like... I thought I was hearing the sound of horny devils humping to their lust's content, but what do I know, right.

      Delete
  7. Not much of nosy neighbors left
    Replaced now by noisy neighbors
    They might think others are deaf
    That their exploits are for all to hear

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hank is back! How are you today, good sir? Well, come to think of it... I think they're a bit deaf themselves.

      Delete
  8. Oy! I'm sorry your new neighbors have turned out to be not much better than the old ones. That sucks. But hey, you get to feel all sorts of manly and strong, building all that sound proofing stuff. Well done, there. And it's more of a long term solution, so no matter what's going on next door, you won't have to listen to it. At least not as loudly as before.

    I did miss seeing you around the blogosphere. I was half convinced that you really had run away to Blue Bora and thrown your computer into the ocean. (And don't think we don't know how very seriously you've considered doing that!)

    Well, welcome back. Until you decide to actually run away, anyway...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Less scary than the previous neighbor, but still... it sucks a ton. I do feel very manly - you're so right. My hands hurt like hell but they're a reminder of all the hard and manly work that has gone into it. I feel so butch right now I could eat a live chicken for starters and a raw boar just for the fun of it. But, anyway, it still sucks a ton 'cause it coast me over $1,000, so it's bye bye Spain for a long time. Sigh.

      Maybe it's cheaper to just buy a big tent on Ebay and up sticks to Bora Bora. Yes?

      Delete
    2. You may have already answered this question, but why are you so very enamored with Bora Bora? Have you been there before? More than once? I'm just curious...

      Delete
    3. It all started in 2010 when my cousin and fellow-blogger Azra showed me a picture of Bora. It inspired me to write a post about it in which I asked the President to award us with a trip to Bora, us bloggers making the world a better place and all. And then it turned out he and the Queen of England had sort of stolen our well-deserved prize and went there themselves. He even sent me an email to inform us about his wonderful trip. If I hadn't destroyed my old blog when I was down in the dumps, I would be able to show you that email.... Ever since I published said email I have been called a liar (read it and weep) and a Bora fetishist. The nerve, right?

      Delete
  9. So they don't get your juices flowing?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not really. They did get my blood boiling, though.

      Delete
  10. Could you, would you... dress like a priest and go to their door? Apologize for being two months behind schedule for the exorcism of their home. Instead of nail mary - it'd be hail mary. Just a thought.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. And what a thought it is. I like it.

      Delete
    2. Even better, let's dress you as the pope. I have white polished cotton.

      You know the jingle: "The look, the touch of cotton... the fabric of our lives."

      Delete
    3. Don't even remind me of that horrible commercial. It makes my skin crawl. I guess there really is no accounting for taste... Someone must've been very proud of that one. Did you say the pope?

      Delete
    4. Blue dressed as a pope... now there's an image... Would he be wearing anything under the papal robe?

      Delete
    5. Overalls to cover his papal parts, of course.

      Delete
    6. Dixie....you little devil you.....😈

      Delete
    7. And when I say I'm off course, you know where I was heading.... :D

      Delete
    8. Should you require me, I'll be in my closet with, um, a speedo. A papal speedo.

      Delete
    9. You know, you look dashing in a shirt and tie. You really should pop up more often. (Those dark shades!) Then again, that must be your Bora Bora look.

      Not that I mine the high top boot/heels with whip, the papal coveralls, or the speedo on demand...

      Delete
    10. What shades? What shades? I don't see no friggin' shades! Would they match my seedo I mean speedo?

      Delete
  11. Hi Blue....
    Dez told me you were in the US....
    And.....
    You sent him a huge shipment of tea...
    And...
    He posted it on FACEBOOK....
    Just sayin'.....
    What a s**t disturber I am.....
    Tee hee hee.....
    Cheers!
    Linda :o)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That Spy needs to fire his penguins for drawing all the wrong conclusions. Doesn't he know I go where my Momma goes, and since my Momma went to live in Rotterdam, so did I. But it's true... I did send him tea, and he likes it too. Dezz is my friend, so if he wants tea, I'll send him some tea, if he wants a ticket to Bora, well.... that's gonna be hard...

      Delete
    2. You know this was tongue in cheek............RIGHT???

      Delete
    3. Of course hahaha. How are you today, Linda?

      Delete
    4. Yes, I am. How did you guess, Linda? :)) But you always make me smile.

      Delete
    5. Hence the name....BLUE GRUMPSTER...
      Thanks for all your visits to mine...
      Made me smile this morning...
      Hope you had a great day...

      Delete
    6. Linda, that Blue Devil lead me to believe for almost five years that he was in USA! Such trickster he is! Not that I didn't uncover his game thanks to my sly spy eye!

      Delete
    7. He's a bit slow, Linda. Do you reckon he's getting old? He used to be so sharp. Now he's kinda squidgy round the edges :p

      Delete
  12. No apologies needed for not posting. It happens sometimes when life interferes with the good stuff like writing on your blog:)

    Have you tried recording your noisy neighbours. And then playing back the recording at say 3 or 4 am:) Or you could go over and ask if you could join in the fun:)

    Good luck with your renovations. Better luck luck solving the neighbour problem.

    And one last thing about your words of wisdom - do you mean dough to make bread and pastries with? Or dough as in money? I think the pastry dough would be better because money dough would be useless to an owl:)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Phil. How are you today? Join in on the fun? Heaven forbid! You... may not have seen... what they look like. Oh you were kidding.... haha!

      Maybe I meant I'm gonna roast that owl and count my money. (No, I love animals.)

      Delete
  13. I'm afraid I have no advice. I've never been in this situation. Long ago, we lived in a townhouse. The people next door said that if their house was really quiet that sometimes they could hear me playing the piano. And I don't mean Pretty Woman style.

    Love,
    Janie

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Not Pretty Woman style? Say it ain't so! Oh come one... you know you're talented. Oh wait.... now I get it.... Pretty Woman style. See, I'm a bit slow today on account of the nailing jobs.

      Delete
  14. I've been there and don't ever want to go back. We lived in a condo for 5 years before moving to a detached house and I will NEVER go back. Jason is trying to talk me into moving into another condo when the girls move out. He thinks that if we move to one in Florida it will be different. Pft. As much as I'd love to move to FL some day, I'll keep my ass parked here if it means having to share walls with neighbors. I've had enough 6 am wake up booty calls where I was not on the receiving end of the enjoyment. Good luck with the sound proofing. I heard sticking sheets of cork between the walls is supposed to help too, but ever tried it myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Never go and live in a condo! Detached detached detached... such a wonderful word, especially when you say it three times and actually live in a detached house. What... no hump-happy neighbors in Florida? Yeah, right. Nice try, mister. Go tell him, Theresa. 6 am wake up booty calls? If only I were that lucky. I get to enjoy 3 AM booty calls.

      Delete
    2. do they scream during sex, or is it just the bed screeching? Or are we talking orgies?

      Delete
    3. and the third? I prefer the third!

      Delete
    4. most probably I do... who doesn't like a good old orgy? :)

      Delete
    5. Don't ahev time for n friggin' orgy. Been working day and night trying to get this series of tutorials on the road. Deadline: tomorrow. Almost done. Just another..... six lessons to write and then I'll be back to stalk you like my life depended on it. Yes, sir.

      Delete
  15. LOL! The cartoon at the end is the best.

    I remember a date from years ago (before I met Mr. RK) where we left the window open (it was warm, his house, like many in the Northwest, had no AC.) I didn't realize we had an audience until the 18-year-old kid outside stared at me walking back to my car. Oops.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did you really think I didn't hear the two of you shaking the walls and wrecking the roof? Ha! Oops, alright.

      Delete
  16. Wow Blue, a working handyman and look at you getting all fit with all that hammering going on.I have no doubts you could nail a few things. I would go live in a forest with an owl no problem there. Words of wisdom can be heard in the forest of my dreams.

    We should get a group discount for Bora Bora as we are always writing about those warm blue waters.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm touched and moved by your confidence in my nailing abilities. How's that for a double-layered opening sentence? Yesterday I scored the internet looking for a farm to live on. Whether there would be an owl included still needs to be seen. The owl is more than welcome. Hoot hoot. I like the forest of your dreams. Speaking of which... I had a dream.... It included three people.... One of them was me. Hoot hoot.

      Wouldn't it be the ultimate disappointment if Bora turns out to be as exciting as the Wizard of Oz after the curtain got pulled? Well, I'd still like a discount....

      Delete
    2. I'm touched by the thoughts of those moves. Nailing requires some skills, but seeing you in those overalls I can see you mean to get the job done. As you have all the necessary tools.

      Well, I would still like to visit Bora some day who knows how it would turn out Blue its all about perspective whether the curtain be opened or closed.

      Now here is a song, so you can hammer..

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JD-pyWALro4

      Delete
    3. I love it when thou makest moi blush. Pure poetry. Now excuse me while I go and hammer...

      Delete
    4. My Dear Blue,

      Did you find that farm in the forest of dreams? I need a vacation Blue can I come visit thou, we could share some wine and in silence enjoy
      the beating of our hearts..unless..you insist I will bring my drum and drum us into another realm where we are free.

      Delete
    5. You can always come and visit me
      At my Bora Bora Wannabee Sea
      You need a vacation.... how come, Truedessa Dear?
      Do you need me to make you, you know, cheer?
      Bring your drum and we'll disappear
      Wherever you want, Truedessa Dear.

      Delete
  17. For a minute there I thought you're going to stuff their pie-holes with some of your soundproofing material. Now that would teach them to put a sock in it, lol. Come back and tell us a story about pineapples.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. For a minute I thought I was gonna stuff their every hole with my soundproofing material. "There.... put a sock it it, you bozo! Wait... let me do it for you.... hammer hammer nail nail..."

      On second thought.... maybe not. They're not particularly gifted in the good looks department. Yes, I'm that shallow. Now, as for your pineapples....

      Delete
  18. love a good renno. i'm not bad with a glue gun & egg cartons :-)

    damn shame you need the sound proofing!!!

    PS you look good in the overalls :-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A glue gun & egg cartons... Is that a fact? Would you be wearing overalls too? ;) How have you been doing these past few weeks?

      Delete
  19. Well I thought you'd fell out with me or had actually, secretly gone to Bora Bora without me and were sitting there, sipping on the finest of Rioja.... turns out, you're now a DIY specialist in drowning out the cries of an orgasm. Well...
    Tell me about these neighbours, I'm interested. Maybe you should go round an interview them. I'm sure these people have been having rampant sex for flipping ages! I'dd like to know their loved up secret, I would!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Fall out... with you? Go wash your mouth with Rioja! See... now my heart is all scarred and my day ruined. I'd better fix it by telling you about my neighbor's secret: addiction. Blue pills included. No, not my favorite color... ironically.

      Let's toast: may they moan and groan yet be as quiet as my phone.

      Delete
    2. OK then Sir, I will! What a horrid punishment indeed...:)

      I will sante to that toast, my friend :)

      Delete
  20. Yep, I've definitely been plagued with that kind of neighbor before. Good luck with the soundproofing. Maybe get yourself some Bose headphones while you're at it

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, it's suddenly all quiet on the Moaning Front. I wonder why. Either they got tired of my hammering or my soundproofing scheme actually worked. I once tried to sleep with my headphones on... that didn't really work.

      How did you deal with the sound of endless orgasms?

      Delete
  21. I would tell them. Everyday. Stop f'ing, God needs some sleep. I'm usually nice but not with this.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh I told them alright. Sent the cops on them too. So you know a thing or two about noisy hump-happy neighbors too?

      Thanks for stopping by.

      Delete
  22. Yikes, renovating is fun to start with, but the novelty wears off quick smart!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. So true!I created utter chaos, Lynda, so what I did was close the door and, you know, stay away from the bedroom. I sleep on the couch anyway...

      Delete
  23. You could try directing a large speaker at the wall and blasting Linkin Park at them whenever they get up to business. Surely that must deflate to more rampant of rabbits.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the tip. What do I do if it turns out to be their number one turn-on?

      Delete
  24. Good luck with your renovations. :)

    ReplyDelete

Speak your mind.