Parrrrrrrrrt ONE two three, ONE two three, ONE two three, ONE two three... You'd think they're waltzing. COUNT our cash, COUNT our cash, ONE two three, ONE two three... To cut a long movie short, the executive reboot brigade is tapping into our collective urge for disposable items. That is, reboots reflect our changed mindset and we're the monkeys in the zoo. We are to blame.
It all started when the rich and famous decided to change spouses more often than a diarrhea victim changes underwear — you know, to set an example — and we would read about their shameless whims and soon decided amongst ourselves that people aren't baseball cards. They don't come with receipts either. The rich were funny people... whimsical, not thinking straight, easily bored and clearly unappreciative. Who needs one marriage when you can have another one and another one? "How's it working for you?" "Not too great." "Well, I kinda like husband number five. So far."
And then we discovered the urge to zap: the remote control made it so. We were powerless in its presence. We would watch the first ten minutes of MacGyver, grow a brain and zzzzzzzzap! Good riddance. Unfortunately those ten minutes soon shrunk to a whopping ten seconds and we now have the attention span of a regular ant (or W when he was still going strong on a two drink minimum).
Easy inspires lazy. Let's face it, few of us are Wall Street Tiger Moms, even if our sex is on our side. We're raising generations of little princes and princesses who prefer an iPad to a bedtime story — or lunch for that matter, and parents can relate. An iPad costs a few bucks, sure, but what is a $500 dollar investment when what you get in return is a wonderful easy-to-switch-on-and-off replacement nanny slash digital parent? Play with your iPad so Mommy and Daddy can have some quality time with their smart phones. And you'd better like what our kids are doing or we'll smash your face in and post it on Facebook. We're modern that way.
I hear ya. We're modern and rich. Maybe not as individuals but certainly as a species. You may be out of a job now, but for the rest of us pretty much everything is at the tip of our fingers. All we need to do is press that button. We want it cheap and we want it now. Press it. Music... videos... let's download them free of charge. Who in their right mind would set aside a few bucks to buy an antiquated CD or DVD? Check out my digital library, and what I don't like I simply assign to a bin. Quick and easy, easy and quick. And of course we need a new smart phone every single year. There's nothing wrong with the one we have now, but still. Let's ditch it. We're modern that way.
Who knows, one day we may be able to reboot our kids and then ourselves. I don't like my baby. Can I get a refund? Or another one? This one makes too much noise. And you know what they say: the customer is always right. Go to YourDNA.com and place your order. You don't like your present life? Well, no sweat, we at YourDNA.com can be of assistance. All you need to do is tell us exactly how you'd like to reboot yourself... How do you see your re-imagined you? Do you have a vision? What would you prefer to look like this time around? Would you like to be more winning or a complete and utter bitch? Oh, you're a male role model. Well, just fill out our easy forms and sign here. Remember our motto: 'Life is expendable. You are not.'
Call us efficient. Call us spoiled. But it's never good enough. Let's reboot.