MENTAL NOTE

"Though we cannot make our sun stand still, yet we will make him run."
Blue, resist the urge to use facebook. You can do it. Good luck.
Cats and dogs can be friends. So can cowboys and indians. So can we.
Why try to be the best when there's no hierarchy in heaven?

Monday, May 25, 2015

The Dictatorship That We Crave

There's no way I can buy myself a decent pair of jeans that does not require my nuts to end up in my throat. Not only do skinny jeans make walking and talking a challenge of epic proportions (not to mention tying your own shoes), the way I see it there are very few men who actually look good in a pair of nut crunchers. I call it the dictatorship of skinny jeans. The fascism of fashion. You think we live in a democracy. Well, you think again.

Where does this obsession for skinny jeans come from? It's an obsession that could be called ironic at best given that 31.8 percent of children and a whopping 68.5 percent of American adults are overweight or obese. You need to be veteran Oscar material to look them in the eye and tell them with a straight face that skinny does it for them. 'Damn, you look great!' Now, I have seven mirrors in my house, and big ones at that, and I know skinny jeans do not become me. It's called knowing your own limitations, plus I want to look like a man, not a kid. So where do I go from here?

Did you know that a lot of folks out there are like $15 light switches? It's the strangest thing. One day you hear them preaching how heavenly bootcut jeans really are, and come the next season they don't understand why in the world I would be wearing bootcut jeans. It's like I'm talking to a bunch of clones. They look the same — and I mean really the same — but what they're saying is the exact opposite of what they were saying just fleeting moments ago. They're like politicians that way. 'Show me the money and I will tell the masses what you want me to have them think I believe.' Skinny jeans: switch on, switch off. 'Only an idiot would be wearing bootcut jeans. You must be a dinosaur.' 

You may have noticed that I'm conveniently ignoring all the women on this planet who may feel the urge to slip into something skinny. That's because I'm a gentleman and I would never (not unless I'm tortured or tickled) call them $15 light switches or, you know, sheep. The fact that 90 percent of all women have been wearing Skinny Everything for at least five years in a row of course does not make them so (it makes them fashionable), nor has it for that matter made them skinny in the process. Maybe I'm used to women wearing Skinny Everything. Maybe the time has come for us men to finally start wearing women's clothes. Alex, you first.

Mind you, there was a time not long ago when women started wearing pants (did you know that women were not allowed to wear pants in the U.S. Senate until 1993?), a masculine prerogative which they stole from us in the name of equality and firm booties that we can drool over but, often, not touch. Maybe skinny jeans for men is a way for women to get even and we're too stupid to even notice. All I know is today I tried to buy myself a brand new suit. Little did I know suits have been relentlessly skinnified too and there's no way I will ever look like a man wearing a suit that makes me look like a teen dressed up for a job interview. The skinny suit: less fabric, same price, and you're the idiot who buys it.

I don't think so.
* * *

The nut cruncher. For men who've got them.

116 comments:

  1. You don't have to be a slave to fashion, Blue. Wear what suits you and to hell with what the 'fashionable society' dictates.

    Be your own person, I say.

    Skinny jeans suck anyway ... unless you're 12.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I know, but my point is... it's hard to find non-skinny suits.

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    2. oooh, but Sir Mandy Randy, Sir, you'd look swell in a skinny suit!

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    3. I photoshopped that one. Obviously.

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  2. Buying jeans gives me nightmares.... especially since we have horrid offer here.... and it is difficult putting a walrus into a pair of jeans....

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    Replies
    1. but seriously.... I truly am! So what did ya buy in the end?

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    2. No, I didn't. I was afraid the shop assistant's next move would be to sell me a pair of matching sneakers.

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    3. now, why do I even know that word when English ain't even my Native Language?

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    4. I've no idea... any ideas?

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    5. Many. None of which can be disclosed at this time, of course.

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    6. how is you, Blue, these days? Is the school over or close to being? How is vision? Double, triple, shaky, nonexistant? :( How is Angelina Dear?

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    7. I feel terrible, but I'm used to it. Yep, last Friday I subjected my students to their final torture session. Now it's all about prepping the next season and grading tests. Angie is doing so and so. We're a great match that way.

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    8. Do you reckon you'll be better with the summer coming? I hear the heatwave will reign in June.
      Poor Angie, is she still selling chocolate? Or is she off work?

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    9. I sure hope so, but I'm not counting on it. It's a work in progress that thing that's been cramping my style. Angie's working less, what with her ailments and all.

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    10. well, try to fight it off, smile it of.... use your (big) guns, use your whole artillery!

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  3. LOL you're funny. Say no to skinny pants

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  4. Too funny how everything is skinny skinny skinny and then some, but people are getting a bigger and bigger bum. Just shows laziness about, who needs to move or work out, let's try and cover our ass with skinny jeans, they do it while on movie screens. Pffft to crunchy my nuts with that, it doesn't suit me where I'm at. Of course I haven't bought new clothes in years, so I haven't had any of those fears lol

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    Replies
    1. I know what you mean. I've been looking for a non-skinny suit for ages, but the only ones available cost a ton. I may need to sell one of my kidneys.

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    2. Well there is a black market for those
      But could add to your woes

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    3. Sure why not? The list is long, so let's impress and make it longer haha

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    4. Who would you impress
      With longer not less?

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    5. You mean... who wouldn't I impress haha

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    6. lol one and all
      With the ailment list at your hall

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    7. The Neverending Ailment List: The Reboot.

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  5. Sorry, this dude is not wearing women's clothing. Ever.
    Have not seen the skinny jeans that much. Where I live, it's the opposite. Everything is XXXL. Which means shirt sleeves I could fit my waist into.
    Don't even go there on color. Real men do not wear pinks and pastel colors like neon green and peach. Those were designed by women...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Just checking, Alex, just checking ;) You would be a braver man than I will ever be, I tell you. Your waist? Don't you mean your, you know, muscles?

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    2. Pink is just no way
      No way Jose

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    3. No way Jose?
      So no pink socks at your bay
      Or a tie or skinny suit all pink
      Or a pink ribbon or mink?
      No way Jose
      As in not today
      Or never ever at your bay?
      How about a pink pair of jeans?
      Wouldn't you be the king of teens?
      The hero, mister number one?
      Wouldn't that be fun?

      Delete
    4. Never ever at my sea
      On anything pink the cat can pee
      Unless I was paid a ton
      Then in pink I'd run

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    5. I would put a dance in the mix just for the fun of it.

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    6. dance and prance
      Scary at first or last glance

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    7. Ain't that the truth!
      And my name ain't Ruth

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  6. Sounds like you may need to go suit shopping at a thrift store or Goodwill. They have lots of non-skinny items there.

    Frankly, I'm tired of Skinny Everything. Only supermodels look good in that stuff. As you point out, most of the world are not supermodels. And I'm sick of looking at people in clothes that are obviously too small for them.

    I don't have nuts, but if I did... I wouldn't force them into a Skinny Suit. Just sayin'.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You don't have nuts.... Is that a fact? Well, somehow I had a feeling you didn't. Thanks for the headsup, still ;)

      I don't mind people wearing skinny. To each their own, but there is so much Skinny Everything on offer, I'm having a hard time finding something that isn't. We should be able to choose, is all.

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  7. The only suit I've ever worn was a very loose fit. Felt like pajamas

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    Replies
    1. I may have seen some pictures.... The ones with the bow tie?

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  8. bootcut all the way. Skinny=bad, no exceptions.

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    Replies
    1. So what you're saying is... you don't like skinny? ;)

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  9. Ah the skinny pants movement, didnt you get the memo? Everything is getting slimmer these days, cell phones and computers included.

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    Replies
    1. I must've missed that memo. Are brains getting slimmer too, you reckon? I mean with all those skinny jeans cutting off people's blood streams?

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  10. As a woman, I love the skinny jean look and wear them often myself. The bootleg cut makes me look less curvy. What I really prefer are yoga pants. They sure make the ass look nice, but trying not to be a hoochie mama, those are reserved for the gym and for wearing around the house when I want hubby to say "yes" to any stupid idea I have.

    Now, for skinny jeans on men. NO! If the jeans don't give enough of a nut crunch, my foot always itches to give a swift nut crunch to the guys who wear them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Blue, you reckon Theresa is teasing you with this yoga-pants-look-hot-on-me talk?

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    2. I'm sure he's thought about getting Angie a few pairs to wear around the house for his own pleasure ;) Admittedly, they really are super comfortable, so she may already own a few pairs already. It's just an added bonus that men tend to lose thinking power when we have them on.

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    3. ...when you want the hubster to say "yes" to any um questionable idea you have? I call that smart thinking, alright. Skinny looks good on beautiful women (that's a compliment), but the majority of people need to look in the mirror a bit more often if you know what I mean. There's no way we can all look good in the same thing, right?

      Dezz!

      Angie looks great when she's wearing her ballet outfit. Does that mean I'd look good in tights? I don't think so. 'But it's fashionable!' I don't care. I'd look like an idiot.

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    4. Blue, you should go out more... tights for men haven't been fashionable since the Medieval times :) ....

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    5. Oh, I so agree. I hate when you see someone wearing too tight bottoms and have that busted can of biscuits look around the waist area. Usually, you can find that look at Walmart on any given day.

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    6. you can find it in my mirror on any given day too :)

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    7. Haha that busted can of biscuits look.... I'm so gonna quote you, Theresa.

      Dezzz, let's go to the gym. Or kick a bouncer in the nuts and run.

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    8. I wish I could, but you know me ticky ticker ain't allowed any physical exercise... but I could stare at the gymsters there, though, if you need company :)

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    9. I know. I tried to work out the other day but had to give up after, what, ten minutes or so.

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    10. I can dance to a song for about five minutes tops and that is my biggest daily adventure :) Even walking up the stairs makes me breathe hard....

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    11. we so need wings, Blue.... any idea how to get them? Beside being regular angelic selves?

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    12. Not really. Would be great to fly to Where Life Doesn't Suck. I might need a map. Or an app.

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    13. sounds like an idea for a new post of yours? :)
      In comforting news, at least we're not in India where it's 50*C or more these days...

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  11. I like skinny jeans because I have small thighs. For many years, all my pants were baggy. Skinny jeans are the best invention since Willy Dunne Wooters. I'm sorry you have difficulty finding what you want.

    Love,
    Janie

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    Replies
    1. Hi Janie. I'm all for skinny jeans if they look good on you. What I don't like is fashion dictating that we should all go and wear skinnified whatever.

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    2. Go to a tailor and have a suit made to your liking. It sounds as if it would be worth it.

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  12. Things are nice to have
    If only one is built for it
    Skinny jeans can just shelve
    When it does not really fit
    When one is not able
    In such an outfit
    To be comfortable
    One can just forget it!
    Need not be fashionable
    But to end up a misfit!

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well put, Hank. A misfit... haha amen to that.

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  13. I understand the aversion to the "skinny" fashion movement. Have you tried yoga pants? Go with yoga pants, I'm sure you'll look like a professional at work and like an adult on the streets. Or maybe slacks, I haven't seen skinny slacks before. Oh, or jorts! You know, jean shorts, jorts, those will make you look professional for sure. Or maybe I shouldn't dole out fashion advice.

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    Replies
    1. Oh but I'm a huge fan of your fashion advice, especially since I have been blessing the one and only Pickleope with multiple bodies. Yoga pants, you say? I'd call them... anaconda pants. Kinda a scary in the early morning. Jorts.... same story, only then you'd even get to see what an anaconda looks like when it's playing hide and seek. So here's a special song for you, Mr. Yoga Pants: CLICK!

      Delete
  14. Here it is the opposite. Clothes that an elephant could wear

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    Replies
    1. Oh my. Well, at least there's plenty of space for a trunk.

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  15. I actually prefer skinny jeans on women, but hate them on men. They don't look comfortable and aside from the crotch area, aren't all that flattering...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If they look good on a person, I'm all for it but all too often they just don't. I call it uncomfortably fashionable.

      Thanks for stopping by.

      Delete
  16. ho ho ho they won't fit me ho ho ho

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  17. I actually agree with you on that “not many men look good in a pair of nut crunchers” I personally, prefer a man in a pair of straight leg levis.
    And I concur that most people who DO wear those skinny peelers really shouldn’t be. Like people who wear leggings. I think there’s a fault in our mirrors.

    And as for pants…well, they’re just pants. I can’t possibly ever wear those or you’ll see the VPL under my skinny jeans and that’s just not English class. Best be rid of them.
    NB: Pants where I live are knickers. Nobody wants to get them in a twist now do they?

    Kisses my Grumpy.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the kisses. You know I'm not allergic to them.

      Having said that.... even straight leg Levis are much more skinny that they used to be. Now, why is that? How come they insist on making me feel like Bruce Banner 24/7? Drop that soap and I won't be picking it up for ya if you know what I mean.

      The VPL.... is that a fact? You may be right.... not English class. Best be rid of them. As for those knickers... Are you familiar with this line by Dahl: 'She whipped a pistol from her knickers'? Click HERE and tell me how Little Red Riding Hood pulled that trick off.

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  18. Nut crunchers make me wince! I'm grateful that's not an issue for me. I do alter my pants and jeans to make the thighs and legs smaller, better fitting. But I don't like the skinny look, unless you have the body to wear them.

    Did you really photoshop that look in the blue suit? And oh my- look at the size of those blue hands!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I'm grateful that's nut an issue for you either. I would be slightly worried. Like a lot.

      Yes, well, something in the middle region needed to be photoshopped alright. Plus I wasn't really smiling wearing those pants. The hands are real. Of course.

      Delete
  19. Are there such things as skinny suits? Ball crushing pants are just BAD news, man. Bad news.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ball crushing pants scare the nuts out of me, so to speak.

      Delete
  20. I'm with you, Blue, I don't think tight looks that great on guys. Too me it comes off looking like they've bought their clothes a size too small.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hi Sandra. It's Friday!

      Yes, a size too small. The same goes for shirts... even when they're called regular fit, they're still tighter than they were a couple of years ago. Now, why is that?

      Delete
  21. Gee Blue - I've have seen those skinny suits on men and well if you are not tall and thin you may not want to go that route. Why not just a slim suit they are bit more tailored and not skin tight so you know your parts can breathe...the people who set these standards are designers who get stars to wear them and then everyone has to follow suit. They are just following a trend to fit in - whether they really fit in the fabric or not...I think a man looks good in jeans and not those tight skinny jeans..I say wear what feels comfortable on you...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I am tall but not thin (on account of those, you know, muscles...) and ll I ask for is for there to be plenty of choice. Heck, even bootcut is frowned on by shop assistents. Can you imagine? Like I'm some dino from the stone age. I know, there were no dinosaurs in the stone age, so I rest my case.

      As for my car accident... just a bit of damage (about $1,000) plus it wasn't my fault. Thanks for asking.

      But tell me.... what kinda jeans does Truedessa prefer? Blue ones? ;)

      Delete
    2. haha - how perceptive of you of course I would like Blue Jeans...you know because they are blue..what style do I wear depends on the day and the mood, but I do like those Lucky Brand jeans...

      Delete
  22. Good one Blue!! Made me laugh!!! Pants that crush my man parts are not welcome in my closet!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. There he is... the one and only Phil R. How are you doing today, Phil? Thanks for stopping by. So true: who needs crushed man parts anyway?

      Delete
  23. Hey Blue,

    I know you've been eagerly waiting for my comment. Wait no more. Now then, I actually tried getting into a pair of my old Blue jeans. The result was painful yet profitable. I'm now a Bee Gees tribute act.

    Nuts, time for me to go......

    Gary ;)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ah... Gary never hairy or scary but flairy... Good to hear from you, my friend. Yes, I've been waiting and waiting and waiting such a long time. I didn't even eat, so now I can put on some skinny jeans and look good in a no nuts were spared kinda way, you know. You know? Say it ain't so!

      Ah ah ah ah staying alive, staying alive...
      How can... those nuts.... be.... staying aliiiiiiiiiiiiiive?


      Sing along, Gary!

      Delete
  24. I think skinny suits look like a hand-me-down from an older brother. ( Poor guy, they can't even afford a suit for him.) Oh let them eat cake. It's a good thing to bring all this out in the open because I've always wondered how men fit all the parts into those shrink-wrapped pants.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You've always wondered how men fit all the parts into those shrink-wrapped pants? Maybe there are no parts.... could that be it? Ouch!

      How are you, Manzanita? Is the sun shining?

      Delete
  25. Bicycle kits (shorts and jersey) have gone the same way. They were already uncomfortably tight; now they keep getting smaller and smaller by the year. We haven't grown in size, but we have to keep moving up in size each year unless we sink to the depths of second skin. Which is just way uncomfortable!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Bicycle kits and shirts and everything including my wallet although for a different reason... Who needs a second skin when skin number one is looking so great, right? ;)

      Delete
  26. Oh, Blue you look adorable in the skinny suit!!
    ... but don't let fashion be the enemy of... your little men. The fascist dictatorship is trying to suffocate your crotch! Run for the hills... but at least put on a pair of comfy sweatpants first or else the friction will get you before the fascists.
    ;-)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I look adorable? Why, thank you, but I have to confess.... this picture is 90% CGI... I wasn't smiling on account of the ouch-ouch pants plus my legs really aren't that skinny. Don't tell anyone, okay?

      Ah... my little men.... haha yeah I will run for the hills wearing something fascist and friction proof. Thanks for the tip, Lauren.

      Delete
  27. My man will only wear SLIM fit suits otherwise he feels like "a box". His words, not mine. As far as skin jeans, I'm rocking them right now because they are stretchy and comfortable unlike the cardboard regular denims. :) oh and yes I AM fashionable in my skinny jeans. Hahaha

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A... box? No kidding.

      I bet those skinny jeans look good on you. 90% of all women wearing them too are jealous. Yep, that's a compliment. Now, don't tell me I should wear them too, okay? Where are my frigging bootcuts... Where are my boots?

      Delete
  28. My new favorite phrase is 'nut crunchers', omg I laughed so much at that. I'm 45 years old and know that I've earned the right to wear whatever the heck I want and all I want is to be comfortable. There's no more tight jeans, tight shirts, tight jackets, short shorts or skinny jeans. Nope, I like over sized t-shirts and comfortable stretchy pants.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Amen. Plus I'm almost 45 and I need my bootcut jeans.

      Delete
  29. I wear skinny jeans, but that's just because I can, they fit well, and they look best on me. Wear whatever you want. It's important to be comfortable!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Well, if they fit well, I'm all for it.

      Delete
  30. Hi Blue....
    Man...you look handsome in that skinny suit!
    I wear skinny jeans...probably shouldn't...but i do!
    No more "mom" jeans for moi!
    How you feeling? Great, I hope!
    I am in The Maritimes with my boyfriend...business/ pleasure....
    Rather chilly and damp here...
    Beautiful part of Canada!
    Cheers!
    Linda :o)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Handsome on account of some serious Photoshopping haha. The Maritimes... well, what do you know. Have fun in spite of it being chilly and damp over there.

      Cheers!

      Delete
  31. We've both been wearing the same basic getup for years now - basic t-shirt and bootcut jeans. Skinny jeans would look terrible on either of us. I have big thighs and small calves - not something I want accentuated with pants.

    ReplyDelete
  32. Preach it brother! Hallelujah! Finally somebody said it!

    ReplyDelete

Speak your mind.