MENTAL NOTE

"Though we cannot make our sun stand still, yet we will make him run."
Blue, resist the urge to use facebook. You can do it. Good luck.
Cats and dogs can be friends. So can cowboys and indians. So can we.
Why try to be the best when there's no hierarchy in heaven?

Thursday, July 16, 2015

Vacation Mutation

When you're sweating like a pig because you're painfully aware the meter is running and there's still so much you would do if given half a chance, you may end up like me — once again trying hard to enjoy a vacation that's nothing but an illusion. Your vacation starts out great but then, as if on cue, it somehow turns into something ugly, and all you really want to do is run like Forrest or shoot yourself. 

It happens to me every year. Call it karma. Call it the puzzle of repetitive stupidity. Call it anything you like. It won't change the fact that this year, too, your friend Blue had been looking forward to dusting off the old recliner. The idea was to not get distracted and just kick back and relax. Tick tock, tick tock. Come June and you will catch me telling myself again and again that this time, yes, this time I am going to do nothing but recharge the old batteries. There will be ice cream, yes, sir..... there will be no work-related phone calls, none of that you-know-what. No emails, no messages, no love letters either. Just a bucket of ice cream and a whole lot of sunshine. Plus loads of free time. Heap loads, truckloads. Ahhhh life can be great!

And then it happened.

My Bollywood Princess reminded me of a promise I had made when I was drunk. This summer I would build her a dream closet. Nothing fancy... just real big. As in a modest 15 foot closet ready to provide shelter for those poor little pumps, flats n' boots. You see, when our car broke down a year ago, I really couldn't afford to put the wish into swish, as the British say, especially since I had already spent a thousand bucks on moanproofing my walls (my neighbor's yes yes do it to me moaning, that is, not mine), but this time I was ready to nail the snail and hammer the slammer southern style. Well, you get the picture. (I thought I did too.)

Now, I may have overestimated my carpentry skills. I may have forgotten about my not being a spring chicken no more. I've been making very little progress and I've been wasting so much time and money I might as well run for President. And to add insult to injury, my roof started leaking the other day, peeing water down my precious walls making them yellow, meaning I've been trying to locate an invisible hole or crack like a snack for like forever. To no avail. Of course, meanwhile my colleagues keep bugging me on end and I'm basically running out of summer. Again. Please don't tell me you know what that's like.

And, yes, I know who's to blame. That's the easy part.

* * *


91 comments:

  1. Okay, I won't tell you I know what that's like.

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    Replies
    1. OMG, I'm actually the first commenter? Until now, I didn't know what that was like. (Not on this blog, anyway!)

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    2. Wow! The Silver Fox is number one! Well, how does it feel?

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    3. I'd like to thank the members of the Academy...

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    4. I nearly fell off my chair. Say it again.

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  2. The shit shall rise
    And bring the flies
    One thing after another
    As the heat will smother
    A vacation never seems to be a vacation
    Can't just sit and turn the tv station
    Nope, have to do work
    See why getting drunk is not a perk? lol

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    1. I see... in the place to be
      Drunk like a skunk can be good
      In my neighborhood

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    2. Drunk as can be
      Can make you pee

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    3. But no spending spree
      That I see

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    4. Unless you try and join the roof
      In its piss on you goof

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    5. I knew you'd say that
      No peeing on my mat

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    6. haha are you in my mind
      You may run from my rhyming behind

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    7. A rhyming cat isn't hard to find
      When deaf or blind

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    8. What if one can't smell?
      Would it still be hard to tell

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    9. What... no sniff sniff?
      Say it ain't so, Biff.

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  3. Pfftt I never had summer... so I win :) Or lose in this case.... maybe I shouldn't have mentioned it....

    Why is Angelina so cruel? Oh, why, oh, why?? Doesn't she know her Blue needs a break?

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    1. Why shouldn't you have mentioned it, Dezzzmeister?

      Promises, promises... is why.

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    2. well then why do ya promise impossible stuff? :)
      Can the hornybours be heard through the closet?

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    3. It happens when I'm drunk or a lighter shade of blue. Well, you may remember me moanproofing the floor and walls. It's the same room. I'm THAT fast.

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    4. I know you moanproofed it, but did it work in the end? :) And if it did do you sometimes miss the moanful mornings? :)

      Shall I pop over to Schipol so that we could ruin the closet together? I'm great in not knowing what to do with tools and DIY projects!

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    5. So what you're saying is... a tool won't make you drool? Oh it worked out just fine and I can't say I miss those noises, but it was really expensive, not to mention hard work.

      So tell me about your favorite tool...

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    6. depends on the tool, naturally, and the toolman, of course....
      So, how far are we to the end of the construction? You reckon Angelina will demand new clothes to fill it up with once you're done?

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    7. I bet she has some extra cash stashed somewhere for such emergencies.

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  4. This is about the time I would be calling in reinforcements and paying someone else to get that closet built and enjoy the rest of my summer break.

    betty

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    1. If I could afford said reinforcements, you know I'd be enjoying the rest of my summer break, as in right now :)

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  5. Well, hurry up and finish the promised closet before the summer ends so you can spend at least ten minutes in the chair with the ice cream and not a care in the world!!! This coming from another not-so-springy chicken who just finished pedaling 437 miles across mountains and valleys and is too tired to make a friggin' outfit for the adopted daughter's bundle of joy before the sweet thing outgrows the pattern size...

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    1. 437 miles across mountains and valleys... Just thinking about it makes my head spin. Of course, the difference between you and me is that you actually did it... the 437 miles across mountains and valleys. I'm impressed.

      The first thing I need to do is locate that hole in my roof. You'd think that's an easy job. Oh well... I will hurry the heck up before it starts raining again and I'm the not so proud owner of my own indoor swimming pool if you know what I mean.

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    2. Welllllll, indoor pool... ya know... that might be the cheap 'n' easy way to install one... just sayin'... :)

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    3. And no one will notice me skinny dipping, which is a good thing. Does it come with a plug, I wonder...

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  6. I know money is in short supply, but in the end, don't you think it will cost less to pay a carpenter to do it? I fuck up everything, and it costs more than if I'd just hired someone else to do jobs.

    Love,
    Janie

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    1. The thing is, Janie, I'm not so bad at it but I'm just too slow. I keep forgetting about my bird flipping health. But don't give up on me just yet (yes, I'm talking to myself). Just give me a couple of weeks. You know, the ones that I don't have. ;)

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    2. What do you mean the ones that you don't have? Don't be joking with such stuff!

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    3. Vacation time, Dez. I'm talking about vacation time. I'm not dying here if that's what you think. Well, not that I know of anyway. Knock on wood. (Yes, any kind of wood.)

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    4. you almost had me there worried... Not that the two of us couldn't join the eternal hunting grounds at any time.... just like any one....
      Did you really knock on the wood? Your wood? Which wood? Was it a nice feeling? :)

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  7. Water peeing down your wall. Snort. You are too funny.
    I'm pushing the HH to get his summer-do list finished...or should I say started, before he goes back too. When does your school year start for faculty? Ours is Aug 1. A walk in closet is a pretty big undertaking. Good luck with that and we want to see pics when you're done.

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    1. those were probably walls crying from his snoring, Sandra, don't let him fool you.....

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    2. could be left one too... which wall is it? Or are they all crying collectively?

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    3. The one that's got the chimney on top of it.

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  8. Hey Blue Dude, n'stuff,

    I'm sending over a jolly good British pale, um, pail. That way, you can use said pail to gather said leakage from your roof. You then take out said pail with suspicious looking yellow water in it and offer it to your neighbors, um sorry English spell check, neighbours!

    I reckon you are about to come out of a dream closet and make some sort of announcement.

    Yep, I'm outta' here..............

    Gary ........................

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    1. Thanks for the virtual pail, as that hole in my roof is making me pale. My neighbor is apreciative of said yellow shower.

      If it's big, keep it in the closet.

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  9. Oh Blue! I'm very excited about the big arse closet!!!!! Hope you find the leak.

    If you want to kick back in a recliner & eat tubs of ice cream you know you have to go elsewhere than home right!!!!!

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    1. Ah my quickest reader! How is life? Yes, that's the only way to describe it: a big arse closet. You are very eloquent.

      I'm not sure I managed to locate that leak. Let's wait and see... I'll keep you posted should my house be blessed with an indoor pool.

      Yeah... I know.

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  10. We keep getting leaks in the ceiling too, and it's really pissing me off. We patch, then another one pops up. It's never ending, I tell ya.

    Sorry you aren't having a fabulous summer. We haven't done anything spectacular on our break, but I finally put my foot down and told Jason we need to do SOMETHING. So, we'll be taking a week long trip next week to the Smokey Mountains. Aside from gas, it should be a fairly cheap trip *fingers crossed*

    If you lived closer, I'd come help you build Bollywood Princess the closet of her dreams. Then we could both be miserable in our crappy carpentry skills together.

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    1. What... you too? Say it ain't so, Theresa. See, now I'm pissed off with a vengeance. I'm double pissed. I'm... well, you get the picture. So, you've got a leaking ceiling too, and somehow when one leak is fixed, we need to patch up another part of the same roof, just to keep ourselves busy I guess.

      Hey, you know how to put your put down. You and The Bollywood Princess have much in common. She put her foot down and now I'm building a big ass closet (just quoting AlleyCat). Have fun in the Smokey Mountains! I used to have a cat named Smokey... I know, how is that relevant haha

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    2. Only when it rains hard, do we notice. And it's been raining like crazy all summer. Crummy, crummy summer going on here. Rain. Cold. Not Cool.

      Thanks for the well wishes. I'm sure I'll need a vacation from my vacation by the time it's all said and done. I just want to be lazy, but Jason has 50 million things planned and I just don't know if I'm up for them all. I guess that's what I get when I demand something. Gotta learn to just let things be every once in a while.

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    3. 50 million things? He's gotta be stopped! Ten million... max. You've got to draw the line somewhere. ;)

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  11. I'm confused, you made a drunken promise while your car was broken down? I'd have to say your broken down car was the true blessing here if you were drunk at the time. Carpentry skills aside, seriously, don't drink and drive. Drinking and carpentry could be fun, though. Not sure.

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    1. You have a point! No drinking and driving.
      I can do carpentry outside just fine. Build a fence and a deck. Inside? Not a chance. I'd tell my wife I was too drunk to remember that promise.

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    2. @The Green Lopster
      What! I wasn't a drunk driver!
      (throwing furniture Pickleope style) Never! (throwing more furniture Pickleope style) I thought you were bright. I thought you were an exceptionally skilled reader! Drunk driving.... I've got to make some choices in my life, you see. I don't have enough money to buy booze AND gasoline. So I get drunk OR drive my car.

      Capisce?

      Now, why don't you make it up to me and tell my roof to stop pissing on my walls? That's the least you can do. :p

      @Alex
      He has a point? Ha! I guess he was reliving his favorite memory. Yes, he was that green Pickster from Pickleopeland. But thanks for the tip. Next time I'll tell my wife the exact same thing.

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  12. Hee hee hee, this sounds way too much like reality to me....
    Put off your phone, lock up the house and go and have that ice cream!!!

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    1. Well, I did get myself some Ben & Jerry's... Thanks for the tip.

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  13. Those drunk promises always come back to bite us

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    1. Ah so you are no stranger to drunk promises? Is that a fact?

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  14. Aw, Blue. It seems like you can't win, but at least you are blessed to be good with your hands!!!! Your princess is very lucky to have a man like you, and such a fabulous closet! ! :)

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    1. So sweet of you to say that. One week....

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    2. Blue what do you have to say on our Jax getting married in less than a week?

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    3. Well, I'm happy for her. Oh... be gentle when it comes to the innate n' insatiable need for closets.

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  15. Isn't part of adulting that summer can last for as long as you want it to? No? Then I want a refund. Post pictures of the closet when it's done!

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    1. There you are. A refund... Now, that's a great idea. I need a refund.

      When the hard work is done and my broken back is healed again, I will post pictures of the mother of closets, alright :)

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  16. Hello Blue,

    A drunk promise is still a promise so you need to complete that closet...I am sure it will be amazing..how could it not be and just think of all the tracks those shoes can make..one step at a time ..Blue it will get done. Your Bollywood Princess has a very handsome Prince who can make dreams come true if he wants too...

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    1. Hello True. Will do... That closet will be completed, yes ma'am. (Did I call you ma' am?) How exactly I'm gonna pull that off is an entirely different question. Baby steps...

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  17. Hi Blue!
    You are lucky we came hom from the cottage a day early?
    Your Hydrangeas ha pave brown burnt leaves, cause they are not shaded enough, and they are not hop getting enough water...
    As for your vacation...I think they are highly overrated....and disappointing....
    There....
    Gather this info and do what you will.....
    Hope you had a great weekend....
    Cheers!
    Linda :o)
    ps....hot as hell here feels like 40 c.....

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    1. it's 40*C here too officially and about 48*c unofficially :) My cat melted away in the yard half an hour ago :)

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    2. Wow...much hotter there!
      Take care Dez!
      Where is Blue?

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    3. Probably snoring with Mongo in his new wardrobe :) He says he soundproofed it so that he wouldn't hear neighbours having sex but actually he did it so that they won't complain about his snoring :)

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    4. Snoring in my what? You mean that thing that will be finished in the year 2525? My snoring? Don't you remember I sleep on the couch? :(

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    5. Still on the couch??? No! No! Noes! Maybe you should ask Angelina to build you a bedroom?

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    6. Today the Docs told me they want me to spend a night at the hospital so they can look into my snoring and whoring and what have you... the way I breathe when asleep. How's that for another bedroom?

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    7. What? When? But is just a sleepover, yes? They will wire you and follow you in the sleep? Maybe the can help?

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  18. Sorry about all the spelling errors....I Pad made me do it!
    Hahaha!

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    1. I knew it. It's a conspiracy.

      Good to hear from you again and thanks for the advice. The strange thing is... I've got two types of Hydrangea right next to each other, and only the one with the smaller leaves is burned. Weird huh?

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  19. Ah the good old drunken promises. Hopefully you'll sort out the closet ,and enjoy the rest of the summer. Best wishes!

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    1. Well, the first thing I need to do is fix the roof. I've got one week to fix the roof and finish the closet... Mission Impossible 6.

      Thanks.

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  20. Might have been easier just to go to Sears and ask them how much it would cost for them to install the closet for you. lol

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    1. I guess a promise is a promise, Mary. Next time I'm about to make a promise, I'll need to think twice. 'Sure, I can build you a castle... No problem.'

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  21. I'm a glutton for DIY punishment as well. I don't need alcohol, though. I'm just frugal. Whatever I save by not hiring a carpenter, I can put directly back into beer. As it should be.

    Good luck with the closet! Just make sure you don't find a John Travolta. I hear they like to hide in there.

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    1. You're just frugal... How about that. Whatever I 'save' by not hiring a carpenter, I can put directly back into that invisible hole in my roof. Maybe I should put it into beer as well, then drink a lot and pretend it doesn't even exist. How's that for a plan?

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    2. If you have a bucket, you have an instant fix for the hole in your roof. Duct tape works also. Each will only cost you approximately one beer. I think of all purchases in beer.

      I love ignoring my problems by drinking. Like ignoring my drinking problem. How's THAT for killing two birds with one stone?

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    3. Except that I still need to locate that hole or crack or whatever it is...

      How's THAT for killing two birds with one stone? Well, I'm impressed.

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  22. Oh dear. You know, I hear they don't even HAVE closets in Blue Bora. Just sayin'...

    Honestly, I believe that there are some projects that are worth paying a bit more up front in order to get the job done right the first time. No do-overs, and a LOT less problems in the future with stuff falling apart and needing to be repaired.

    However, now that you are already embarked upon this journey of DIY...I wish you the best of luck, and may your roof stop leaking of its own accord. (And if it doesn't, you might be able to fix the problem pretty quickly with a few wads of bubblegum...)

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    1. No closets on Blue Bora? So what you're saying is.... they need me and are willing to send me a golden ticket? Yes?

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    2. Yep. A golden ticket and a dozen cookies. They're in the mail. Should be there any day now...

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  23. Want to borrow a rusty axe? I have a solution: Give your darling the spare room and call it a closet. There. A shoe room. Now lets pack and bugger off on holiday. :)

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    1. Ah... that rusty axe of yours. Let's pack... I wish. I need to get back to work in less than 24 hours. Sigh.

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  24. Mark Twain once advised
    The fastest way to do it fine
    One must be wise
    Do one thing at a time

    Hank

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