MENTAL NOTE

"Though we cannot make our sun stand still, yet we will make him run."
Blue, resist the urge to use facebook. You can do it. Good luck.
Cats and dogs can be friends. So can cowboys and indians. So can we.
Why try to be the best when there's no hierarchy in heaven?

Saturday, September 19, 2015

Not So Much a Politician's Wet Dream

I had a dream, and in this dream, this humbling mother of dreams, I saw a world devoid of pain and deceit. I witnessed the stunning beauty of a planet where being decent actually meant something; where being called fair wasn't tantamount to being dubbed the king of losers. I saw a world where we all loved each other. I saw us hugging and kissing and humping to our heart's content like McSteamy in the good ole days. Do you remember? Love, my friends, can be such a powerful force. I, therefore, propose that we try and make this dream come true. Let's take that all important first step toward a heaven on earth. Let's be brave. What we need is a boot camp for politicians, and I could use your help.

Now, I know some of you love politics. You prefer a good spin over a hot plate of stolen nachos with melted cheese, olives, jalapeños, shredded chicken and a dollop of sour cream, don't you? I know some of you are, in fact, politicians at heart. But does that mean we've given up on you? No, it doesn't. Much as we hate you, we love you more. That's because we like to think big. Unlike yourselves (except on paper), we think global, we keep our eye on the ball, so to speak, and on that spinning ball in space there's plenty of space for all of us to share without any of us having to become die-hard communists to achieve our common goal. We're not politicians, remember? We like to keep things clean.

So why a boot camp? Well, someone wise and grossly overpaid once said this world is at a loss — I think he used the term adrift. (Of course, he was quoting someone else.) And taking in his words of wisdom, it dawned on me that naiveté is such a blessing in disguise. He kept rambling on about the seemingly unfathomable complexity of regional power struggles while all I really heard was Humans Beings Love Themselves Too Much. He analyzed, he described, he frowned like serious people do, and in the process, Professor Blah made it very clear to me he relished political intricacies and reveled in his listeners' admiration for his understanding of the complexity of the modern world. That's when things come full circle for me. Professor Blah was part of the problem.

The way I see it, our narcissistic nature is shown most clearly in the news and through the news: we humans cause trouble in the world and then we analyze our own behavior, which we deem so important; we complicate everything, then report and debate the latest crisis on CNN Politics Today. Politics is serious business, mind you. Meanwhile, experts boasting serious faces break it down for us so we can further discuss it with our neighbors, colleagues and loved ones like we were experts ourselves. You see, for us, there is nothing more important than, well, us.

But all too often complexity equals simplicity, yet we choose to be blind instead. Ironically, it is often easier to discuss complex problems because then at least we have something to talk about. Simplicity is such a bore, a ruthless party pooper when all you really want to do is talk nonstop and be right in the process. But enough is enough. The time has come to behave responsibly and re-educate our budding politicians and dinoticians alike because we love them more than we despise them. The time has come to say let's draw the line right here, right now. We need to boot their camps and camp their boots. Boot camp. I see no alternative.

So what would a boot camp for politicians look like? Well, that's where you come in. You may want to comment on how I envisage teaching our straying politicians a tough lesson or two... thousand and share your ideas. Let's see.

BLUE'S BOOT CAMP FOR POLITICIANS

Week 1: How to Simplify Your Speech
Week 2: Cleanliness Is Good (No Dirty Tricks, No Backstabbing)
Week 3: How to Speak the Truth (and Why)
Week 4: Citizens Are Not Animals (field work)
Week 5: Soldiers Are Not Pawns (field work)
Week 6: Reality Check 101 (Know What You Are Talking About (field work)
Week 7: De-Greed Program (mental detox program)

No one leaves, everyone stays. 

* * *

Let's keep it clean.

83 comments:

  1. I like your boot camp! Especially the part about soldiers are not pawns.
    How to speak the truth and own up when you've committed a crime. Clinton needs that one so desperately...
    Politicians just don't understand the reality of how normal people live. They think they are above it.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Soldiers are NOT pawns. That's right. Those chicken shit politicians don't know what it means to be out there.

      Delete
    2. From coast to coast!
      Don't mean to boast

      Delete
    3. Yippppeeee for you
      At your zoo

      Delete
    4. Yippppeeee for me
      In the place to be

      Delete
  2. Dubya, Dick Cheney and virtually the whole GOP skipped week 5

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  3. I'm all for it! That whole thing about speaking the truth? Can't you just imagine the blissful silence thereafter...

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. 'It's oh so quiet shhhh shhhh
      It's oh so still shhhh shhhh ;)

      Delete
  4. Ooh McSteamy and McDreamy….OK , I’m back. So, where was I …

    Agreed. We do complicate things, yes. Nature of the beast. To over analyse is how we learn. Mistakes - analyse - analyse, more mistakes - full circle, etc..

    If we could all just love and live and let live it would be simple and beautiful but I don’t think that’s ever going to happen. Me? Cynical? You can try and educate people and nurture the minds of the the young and the next generation but there will always be fire and passion in youth; world changers and some of those are often filled with angst and fury at things that aren’t really important in the grand scheme of things. There’s lovers and there’s haters, you see. There always will be and thus there will always be conflict from the playground to great halls of public debate.

    Anyway, I’m rambling. Boot camp rules:

    1: Everyone is naked. No speedo’s, tights or cheap nylon ties. Everyone comes in the same skin cloth. I think this will encourage humility and kinship.

    2: Margaritas all round. Man should learn to drink together and bond in friendship and laughter. This sets the scene up for camaraderie and teamwork rather than egocentricity and power play.

    3: Heartfelt chatter and simplified dialogue. Learn how to communicate on a ‘real’ level and directly rather than hiding behind suggestion and creating mazes with no exit.

    4: You will work on the island for £6.00 pounds an hour. We will take 25% of this for island upkeep. If you do well, we will take 40%. With your earnings you will learn to feed an adopted family of four and look after them.

    5: You will work for a period in a hospital as carer where people have been seriously wounded or are dying from malnutrition.

    6: You will be forced to take the ‘Psychopath Test’ created by Robert. D. Hare and you will have a one to one with the Dalai Lama.

    At the end of bootcamp you will be asked to write a blog post on your experience and what you have learned and how you plan to help the world. This will be analysed by Mr. Blue. If you are deemed worthy of a seat in World Parliament, you will have to agree to donate to the ‘Bora Bora’ fund for the next ten years.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. This is why you are my absolute favorite. Thank you, Jules. Ah the Bora Bora fund... Will we ever get there?

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    2. did Jules learn that number 1 rule at the Academy of Dezz?

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    3. I think she's in a league of her own. Did you know she has just published a master piece?

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    4. There's an academy of Dezz? Well, I should be Vice President!

      Thank you my favourite (Blue) person :)

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    5. Notice the brackets, Dezz. Notice the brackets :p

      Vice President Jules... I like the sound of that. Time for another toast!

      Delete
  5. Politics and politicians are just crazy. The whole lot of them are nuts. This presidential election is going to be a clown show for sure. It's already starting.

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    Replies
    1. Good morning, Mary. Yep, it'll be Scooby Doo on steroids. All that money wasted just like that...

      Delete
  6. Can I be the keeper and user of the whip in the boot camp? Five times a day on politicians ebil bums?
    You watch CNN? Why would you take that poison voluntarily?

    And can we give Hungarian PM a special place in one of the boot camp towers? The fascist has closed borders and so did the Croats because of the migrants and now other people can't cross it either... we already have millions of euros trade losses. And the border is just ten km away from me. Our city is filled with poor wretched migrants and their babies.

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    Replies
    1. Give me some credit. Of course I don't watch the Puppet Channel. Let's reserve that PM a very special place. How about a tailor-made program too?

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    2. and tailor made suits of thorns too if possible! And a chamber of horrors for US secretaries of state!

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    3. and a monkey who tickles your feet with a feather for when we're feeling depressed :)

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    4. we might need more than one.. maybe a dozen?

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  7. I vote for tossing them on a deserted island first
    That will make their bubble burst
    No lackeys or speech writers or assistants and what not
    They have to do everything or they rot
    That will teach them a thing or two
    Maybe they'll lose some of that stink at their zoo
    People have to break things down
    And talk about them all over town
    All because Professor stupid head
    Dumbed it down and put it to bed
    Now they really really understand
    And they can spread it across the land
    Next week they reboot it
    Stuck in the same old endless shit

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Some will claim we've lost our wit
      That The Cat and Blue are just so full of it
      How dare we say such awful things
      About politicians like they're ding-a-lings
      Wouldn't a boot camp be real cruel
      Such an uncivilized tool!
      Well, what do you have to say about that
      On your Kitty Cat mat?

      Delete
    2. The cat would tell those some
      To go pound sand up their bum
      Except he'd be far more crass
      And exchange bum for ass
      And if they didn't like that
      He'd tell them to piss up a rope where they are at
      Then if they kept on a yapping away
      Whoopdi friggin doo would come into play

      Delete
    3. To pound sand up their little star?
      Would they like that and say har?
      Would their sand castle look a bit off, you reckon?
      Would it um.... beckon?
      Cat, your style does not adhere to the rules of the PC Brigade
      It's more like the style of a furry renegade

      Delete
    4. lol never bow down to the PC nuts
      They can go sniff butts
      Drink he kool aid at their sea
      On them and their sand castle the cat would dig a hole and pee
      If some said har to the sand though
      They'd be scary and away I'd go

      Delete
    5. The PC nuts
      Can kiss the Hutts
      I'm told there's more than one
      So that'll be fun
      He's got this pit in the sand
      To send them off to lala land

      Delete
    6. Down to the asshole of the world they'd go
      Be quite the PC show

      Delete
    7. Let's put it on youtube too
      As we give them the boot AND the shoe
      Just not mine for it's still AWOL
      As the PC scum is ready to fall

      Delete
    8. We`d get millions of hits
      Proving those idiots are the pits

      Delete
  8. As dumb as they are people need them because most people are too naive to do for themselves. If you really want to make them work knock out every TV station in the world for the entirety of 2016.

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  9. Funny enough, I do see you as a whip-master of politicians, Blue. Why stop there, you could even start a boot camp for us chocoholics. You could be a boot camp guru of sorts. I see a new career on the horizon :D

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. A whip-master of politicians... I wonder what gave you that idea. ;)

      Delete
  10. Hey there Blue. Me thinks Blue just saw the movie "War Room" and then came
    the CNN debate, Next you realized why the Carly (CEO babe) and Nancy Pelosi can't smile. If I'm way off base, whack me over the head.

    I wonder if there was ever a career category by the name of politician. I thought the common person just took a turn at dispersing the tax money and keeping the peace with neighbors. Then they retired back to their country estate and raised their pigs. But you've made some wonderful points and it gives my pea brain food for thought,
    you dear Blue Man.

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    Replies
    1. I wish I could say you're spot on, but then I would be lying to the one and only Manzanita, and we can't have none of that. You don't have a pea brain either :)

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  11. I do like your boot camp; I don't think our present system with politics and politicians is working so anything new that might actually make a difference I would definitely support.

    betty

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    Replies
    1. High-level politics is a dirty game, betty. I'm afraid it would take much more than a seven week bootcamp to make those people change their ways.

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    2. Yes, I wish seven weeks in boot camp would change things, but I think you're right. We're way past that...

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    3. Hi Robin. Good to hear from you. Would seven years be enough?

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  12. Politicians ought to be courted
    They will then realize they are wanted
    Then work around them to make them happy
    We get our dividends back with glee
    How do we do it at the boot camp
    We just lead them by the hand
    Make promises like they do
    Give back their crap the way they knew

    Hank

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  13. I wonder how many w/could make it through Week #7. That's a tough curriculum.

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    Replies
    1. One percent. You know I'm an optimist ;)

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    2. ha, yeah, me too on this one. ;)

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  14. I love it! Can I be drill sergeant?

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    Replies
    1. Of course. I wouldn't want it any other way. Which one would be your favorite session?

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  15. Pre Boot Camp Task - pull head out of arse.
    The rest of Boot Camp looks pretty good to me!!!!

    Now. Can I have some nacho's please...........with extra jalapeños??

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Good point. We definitely need that Pre Boot Camp Task.

      Consider those nachos yours. WITH extra jalapeños, of course.

      Delete
  16. I love me some politics! But even I can appreciate bootcamp for politicians. I think that's why the people who don't have a history in politics are doing so well in the polls. People are tired of the talk, they want someone to walk the walk not just say what will get them in the office and then work their own agenda.

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  17. Blue, has Gloria Dear stopped visiting you all together? You know they had a quake last week over there? She's very much active at Facebook, though

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    Replies
    1. I don't know where she is, Dezz, or why.

      Delete
  18. That boot camp is a terrific idea. I would even take part to see what new things I could learn myself.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Or you could be one of our drill sergeants.

      Delete
  19. Honestly, I look at politicians as scum anymore. Voting feels like choosing between the lesser of two evils anymore, not who is going to do right the people. I fully support your boot camp, Blue!

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    Replies
    1. Blue, did I tell you that our dearest sister Theresa followed your graceful example and sent me the most wonderful glass tea cup evah? Like evah? And a honey bear too!

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    2. That's real sweet of her. You're one lucky son of a cup!

      Delete
  20. Blue, my dear, I'm not a politician but week 6 might assist me as well. I'll be happy to work in the kitchen though.

    >>"Hurry up - dice those onions, you slime."

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    Replies
    1. Did Dixie just say SLIME in public? Such a fowl language she has :)

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    2. She sure did, Dezzzmeister. And how are you today?

      Delete
    3. Believe it or not I've finished painting me windows... not that they're done well, but they will probably survive one more Siberian winter (you know, because Serbia 'is' in Siberia :)..... at least some people think so...

      How are Mongo and Angelina?

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    4. I don't believe it. Now, all you need to do is fix the roof old school style. You can do it, Dezz.

      Delete
    5. Took me about half an hour to take three windows from the basement up to my chamber and had to make three five minutes breaks to catch my breath. And then another half hour to figure out how to stick them windows back onto their places... in the process of which I terminally lost my arm muscles... and got about five bruises on me arms.... And I painted only the outer side of the windows because I couldn't bother to paint the inside too :)

      Delete
    6. I suppose I could have said, "scum."

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    7. There are too many options to choose from. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite. And if they do, call Mr. Blue, and he'll bite them right back just for you.

      Delete
  21. Honestly, Blue, I like this idea. I'd totally come and help you whip those losers back into some form of humanity. And if (Heaven forbid), our attempts are unsuccessful, I say we whitewash all of those politicians and get all new blood into those jobs.

    Some of those people have been in DC for WAAAAAYYY too long. It's one of the many reasons why they seem to have forgotten what it's like to just be a citizen. They're too busy playing the political game, and they've just forgotten how to give a damn about those of us who are most affected by their decisions, the good, the bad, and the mindlessly selfish. Maybe we can add that to the boot camp. "Living like a normal person." And they'd have to live in every region of the country, just like everyone else in that particular area. They'd interact with the neighbors, and get normal jobs, and just be citizens. I think it would be a good wake up call for them.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I can use your help. Whip them back in some form of humanity haha well put, Candice. You are so eloquent ;) The powers that be think they know what it's like to be a citizen but you and I know that they really don't.

      I love your comment. And your cookies.... (What cookies?)

      Delete
  22. Omg someone mandate Hilary Clinton to go there now!! Smh

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  23. Hi human, Blue,

    A boot camp for politicians. I'm liking that idea. Of course, I'm a straight-talking pawlitician who is going to be the next Paw Minister of the Houses of Pawliament. The truth, as told by a dog.

    Pawsitive wishes and good luck,

    Penny :)

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    Replies
    1. Well, hello, my furry friend and the only pawlitician I'd ever vote for. Thank you for stopping by and for finding the time to pay your blue buddy a visit. I know you're a very busy dawg, being a pawlitician and all. How is you favo(u)rite human, Gary, doing these days?

      Delete
  24. Personally, I'd rather have the nachos (sans chicken.)

    ReplyDelete

Speak your mind.