Oh how I miss the eighties. How I miss calling women Ma'am without getting slapped in the face when I'm wandering somewhere up north. How I miss the days when taking a girl's hand to lead the way was not considered offensive. And when I say girl, I don't mean woman, PC Brigade, as I was a lanky teen back then, so don't shoot me just yet. Admire me for walking on eggshells lest you get offended.
I think we've gotten overboard with this PC horseshit. Oh the things that we can't say today and the things that we can't do today. It's a long, long list, and I love quoting Kurt: "Ho-o-o-o-o-orseshit!"
So when I was watching Star Wars VII: The Clone That Gave Us Hope, and this stormtrooper guy — yes, there's a female stormtrooper as well, flaunting her shiny knightly armor (oh the irony!) — takes the heroine's hand to show her the way to safety in the midst of a seriously violent attack, I cringed when she shouted, "Why are you holding my hand!" Now what? Is Rey a 2015 PC Brigade mouthpiece in an attempt to both educate me and Force me to smile? Say it ain't so in a galaxy far, far away.
But don't get me wrong. I love women, and not only in a non-vegetarian way. I have loved them ever since the day that cute and very intelligent nurse picked me up, touching my buttocks in the process, and introduced me to my Momma. I just feel there's only so much political correctness a person (men, women and wookiees alike) should be allowed to be exposed to, if you know what I mean. If you do, chances are you are a guy, like me — or maybe a woman who doesn't want to sound like a man before he got all etiquette-savvy.
So, if the PC Brigade is keen to promote movie gender equality, how come they all got so upset and started whining like Hayden 'Darth Vader wannabe' Christensen on hearing that Kurt Russell's John 'The Hangman' Ruth was determined to have Jennifer Jason Leigh's foul-mouthed fugitive Daisy Domergue hanged in The Hateful Eight? If the PC Brigade takes pleasure in licking their own yum-yum principles as if they were a pair of silky-soft feet, how come they got so upset (spoiler alert!) when Kurt elbowed Jennifer Jason in the face?
Yes, I love women. What are you giving me that look for? I hate hypocrisy, is all.
Something tells me writer/director Quentin Tarantino liked to press a-a-a-a-a-all the PC buttons. Because here comes über Brit Tim Roth's Oswaldo Mobray, who is shocked to find Daisy Domergue in a blizzard with The Hangman: "Good heaven!" he says. "A woman? Out in this white hell? You must be freezing solid, poor thing!" And you're left wondering who is worse: the brute or the Brit? Could it be that maybe all men are sons of bitches in their own special way? What I do know is that if you got upset watching The Hateful Eight, feeling a woman should not be elbowed, threatened, vomited on, shot in the I-don't-even-remember-which-body-part, and certainly not hanged, you might be looking in the big ole mirror that spells it all out for you: Double... Standard.
This completes today's sermon.
Now, as for the "sexy armor," I just wanted to put that word in the title to attract your PC-unaffected attention. Call it a sign of the times. Thumbs up, thumbs down. Just don't put it on Facebook or I'll punch you in the face.
I'm modern that way.
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