MENTAL NOTE

"Though we cannot make our sun stand still, yet we will make him run."
Blue, resist the urge to use facebook. You can do it. Good luck.
Cats and dogs can be friends. So can cowboys and indians. So can we.
Why try to be the best when there's no hierarchy in heaven?

Saturday, April 30, 2016

If You Were a King... or Queen


IF YOU WERE A KING... OR QUEEN 

If you were a king or queen, would you be fat n' sloppy? 
Would your hair look real cool or crappy like a Don King copy? 
Would your soul be pretty clean? 
Would you be sweet or mean? 
Would your palace be pristine as you relish your hygiene? 
Or would you be a Virgin Queen, yet hot n' steamy-trampy? 
Would it be "good to be the king" — Would you go Mel Brooks campy? 
Did you just "do it" and would you "do it again"? 
Would you be a dirty son of a queen or just a man like men? 

Stephen's axe once came a-knocking on my door: 
"Off with his head!" as I tumbled on the floor. 
Would you pull a King Louie on me
Or a King Willie (chop chop), selling dope like it were regal? 
Would your face resemble Sméagol 
(Not so much a Lord
Would you rather rule the Damned and go all overboard: 
Sucking my spleen, eating my liver — would you make me shiver 
And, like Hannibal, wish you were the Numidian king yet acting all aloof? 
Son of the king of the Myrmidons, would your heel be arrow-proof? 
Would you love your mirror on your mirror-mirror wall
Would you be the King of the Jungle or King of Queens
(It's gotta be a tough call!) 
Not an Arthur spoof but a Tarzan reboot completely out of stock? 
Would your pelvis match your rock as you rolled toward that flock? 
Would you Want It All and would you Want It Now? 
If you were my queen, would you make me bow? 
What if Prince had been a king — would he have seen the light? 
Would his Diamonds n' Pearls've been more than beads at night? 
What... you're the Queen of Disco come springtime, Summer too? 
Would you do the Disco Train wearing a blue suede shoe? 
Would your rap make me snap as I wish you'd shut that trap? 
Would Latifah close your yap, cause you're really full of crap? 
Would you rather march butt naked wearing clothes that can't be seen? 

If you were a king or queen, what kind of ruler would you be: 
Would you be known for your wacky idiosyncrasy?
Would you be kind and friendly — can a king be trusted?
Would I trust you while your crown was jewel-encrusted? 
Should you have been the King of the States
(Screw you, Trump, go clean your slates!) 
Would your health plan be kinda short of breath?
Would you be so cruel that you'd  inspire a costly death? 
Would you be a king of the people or a king of the rich? 
If not, a Queen of Fashion or a queen of kitsch? 

They say knowledge is king — could this be true? 
Tell me, what kind of royalty are you?

* * *

Alice in Wonderland: The Reboot

123 comments:

  1. Queen Candice, eh? Sounds good. I think I need to take over a country somewhere...

    I honestly don't know what type of monarch I'd be. I'd like to think I'd rise to the challenge and be a good, fair leader. I hope I'd find a way to enforce the laws and assert my authority without being a complete tyrant. But who knows? Maybe I'd go mad with power and start executing people right and left, just because they liked Justin Bieber. (Or were ACTUALLY Justin Bieber...)

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    1. Queen Candice... I like the sound of that. I would be loyal to you. Would there be any royal cookies in it for me, you think? You'd be a fair monarch and you'd get the highest grades too. ;) Hope you're doing fine.

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    2. Aw! Thanks! And for being so loyal, I shall promote you to Royal Chief Executive Cookie Taster. It's an important job, to be entrusted to no one but the most faithful cookie connoisseur. It's just a good thing you're on my side. I'd hate for you to use your cookie-eating skills against me!

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    3. You know I'd never use my cookie-eating skills against you. :)

      Delete
  2. I think ninja Alex should have known better than to take the body of a turtle and force ride a Yoshi if he wanted to save your life Blue. Or maybe he came for the Queen's execution after party? I hear that's a thing.

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    1. I was thinking the exact same thing. Why a turtle, Alex? Why??? Anyway, I'm pretty sure the after party was great. ;)

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  3. Ok...this is really cool what you wrote. I have no idea what I would be but I would make shoes comfortable for wearing

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Birgit. Well, I might be able to help you there: CLICK!

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  4. LOL I have to laugh at Birgit's comment :) I never wanted to be a queen; I always wanted to be the helpers in the hive. Less stress I think!

    betty

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    1. I wonder what kinda shoes she'd be wearing. Click HERE! Haha! ;)

      I'm all for less stress.

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  5. Champagne and cake for all my minions!

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  6. This dude definitely doesn't want to be a queen!
    Just king of my castle.
    Promise you wouldn't be beheaded.

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    Replies
    1. Thanks, Alex. I feel so much better now. Now, excuse me while I go and continue my snore.

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    2. Came back to see if I'd missed a post. Been a long time. See you at Pat's all the time, so at least I know you're all right.

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    3. I've been ill for a while, Alex. Chronic fatigue is a bitch. Plus I need to grade truckloads of exams to pay at least some bills. But I'll be back.

      Thanks for stopping by. I appreciate it.

      Delete
  7. Why am I chopping your head off, Mister Blue Balls? Admittedly, I'd be an intergalactic benevolent tyrant, but I'd be chopping the heads only of politicians and criminals and occasional pop star who irritates me.... why would I be chopping of a head of an underpaid, underlaid Grumpster?
    I wish my balloon said CALLING ALL HEARTS, CALLING ALL HEARTS!

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    1. My Momma keeps telling people I'm cruel to people I like a lot. I have no idea what she's talking about :p

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    2. Dezzy! I can't believe you are chopping off Blue's head! Though, I am stoked to be Alice in your little photo montage up there, as I do love Alice in Wonderland. However, I picture Dezzy as more of the Cheshire cat with his wily ways ;)

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    3. yes, see how my sister Theresa knows me? No wonder she's my sister and you're not, Randy Balls :) I was born to be the Chesire Cat!

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    4. Well, I am a bit disturbed over the beheading of Blue...but, hey the artwork is always masterfully created. Where's the white rabbit..I'm late, I'm late for a very important date...

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    5. @Theresa - I know he'd do a pretty decent job as the Cheshire pussy um cat, but no one else wanted to talk about another "head"... Only Dez could pull that one off (Pun intended)...

      Dezmond the Great - If I were your sister, I'd be in trouble. Now, ask me why. :p

      Disturbed? This is not the first time I've had my head chopped off, you know: CLICK! (October 26, 2016 & April 2, 2013)

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    6. Blue,

      I've never seen that one back on 4/2/13 where your head is in a frying pan..

      and technically on 10/26/2016 you still had your head - as Jason came out for Halloween..that one I did see trick or treat...heehee



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    7. I meant October 31, 2014... Sleep tight :)

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    8. Blue, your comments here have me really giggling like an idiot ;)

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    9. What did I say?! What did I say?!

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  8. I'd rule a land with no cops needed
    If my law the minions heeded
    An eye for an eye, you silly jerk
    And no longer would you lurk
    Hammurabi's law was fair
    And no longer did one stare
    Do onto others and think it through
    Before you start crying, boo hoo hoo

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    Replies
    1. No cops, you say?
      Zero at everybody's bay?
      An eye for an eye I like
      Some folks should just go and take a hike
      Or sit on a spike
      Or hide in a booth
      Ah Hammurabi was ahead of his time
      Eye for eye, tooth for tooth,
      And it didn't even need to rhyme :)

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    2. Manzi! BJ! Oh fluck
      Wanna Buy a Duck?

      Delete
  9. While I like being the Ace of Spades (RIP Lemmy), I'm not too sure I enjoy being the cod piece of one of the ABftS boys.
    If I were made a ruler, I would organize a coup on myself because I have no interest in ruling myself, let alone a kingdom.
    My only issue with this lovely poem is the line, "crappy like a Don King copy." Are you intimating that Don King's hair is crappy, or that a pretender aspiring to have Don King's hair (as I do) will inevitably fall short and appear crappy in comparison? Either way, I feel my hair aspirations are being lampooned.

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    1. I was so hoping you'd think of this one as a perfect work of art. Modest but perfect. What was I thinking.... Was I on drugs? That would've have at least explained my bout of self-delusion. Yes, I'm intimating that Don King's hair looks crappy, but something tells me that your reboot is quite an improvement. Yes? No? Maybe? Well?

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  10. Hello Blue, here is your King, Eddie
    From across the pond ~ now, are you ready?
    I'm in a quandary and cannot decide
    Maybe wield my axe and with one stroke divide
    Your head from your body and watch your blood gush
    From your pumping aorta as in spurts it does rush.
    Or whether to be a merciful King
    And get on the phone ~ ring, ring, ring
    To invite you to London without any fight
    And bestow upon you the title of Knight.
    "Arise Sir Blue!" I would then say
    And then have a few beers if you wanted to pay . . . lol

    Loved the post, Blue.
    How are you?

    Cheers, Eddie.

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    Replies
    1. You've got a special talent, Eddie.
      Yes, I mean poetry. :))

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    2. Well thank you kind Sir . . .
      Your King has decreed a lifelong pardon . . . :) lol

      Delete
  11. . . . . and loved the drawing too . . :)

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    1. More compliments... I'm not sure if I can take it, Eddie :) I once saw a very old painting, maybe even from the Middle Ages, showing lots of people who were clearly, all of them, in complete shock on account of someone in the forefront being tortured. So when I thought of the Queen of Hearts, well,....

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    2. and why not . . . a logical progression . .
      Glad she isn't our Queen and we now have a democratic monarchy . . although there are some twits in government who deserve to lose their heads . .

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    3. yes . . . then drawn and quartered. Can't hang them because they have already lost their heads . . . lol

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    4. Can't hang them? Lucky them ;) I reckon super glue is no option in this case?

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  12. That would be like work
    Except a 24/7 no break perk
    With backstabbers at your door
    Trying to kill you forevermore
    I think I'll take a pass
    And just mock with my little rhyming ass
    Point out all the things done wrong
    The ninja wannabe should have picked Donkey Kong
    He could have saved the day
    And stopped your beheading dismay
    The beer guys have more than an ace up their sleeve
    Stuck there they will never leave
    The cat will just smile
    Even going the pink mile
    But wait, I'm already a king
    Humans clean up and do everything
    Cats win the day
    Without a word needed to say
    We'd never chop off your head though
    We'd need you to clean the litter you know
    Maybe just pee on your head
    If you refuse to get out of bed

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    Replies
    1. King Cat... Well, that sure has a ring to it
      You wouldn't chop off my head - not even a bit?
      The Ninja Wannabe came too late
      Stuck in traffic, had to wait
      Hey, it's Sunday...
      Such a fun day!

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    2. Stuck in the muck
      Trying to make a buck
      Can be worse in a truck
      Sucking on gas of a fluck

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    3. Bucks are underrated
      Egos so inflated
      No bucks gets you terminated
      Hopefully motivated
      Not to mention stimulated
      Skip incapacitated
      Sucking gas not obligated
      Just so you know
      At your kitty cat show

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    4. A lot to take in
      No gas for a spin
      But plenty of termination
      Here at your blue station

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    5. No gas for a spin
      Not even a bin?
      Say it ain't so
      At your show

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    6. That is so
      But we still flow
      until the internet dies
      Or we get eaten by flies

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    7. That we will
      Who we gonna send the bill?

      Delete
  13. Oh my! I'm such a cute caterpillar! Yes, I would love to be Queen and no longer a 'lady in waiting.' Damn tired of waiting - give it to me now.

    I would be the queen of cake,
    shake and bake,
    never late
    for a tender date!

    Get it, got it, good!

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    Replies
    1. It didn't even take me long to draw your body haha! Of course, in Alice in Wonderland the caterpillar is a non-stop smoking son of a gun. You're much more sophisticated. Right? ;)

      Never late for a tender date... I like the sound of that.

      Delete
  14. Oh my! I'm such a cute caterpillar! Yes, I would love to be Queen and no longer a 'lady in waiting.' Damn tired of waiting - give it to me now.

    I would be the queen of cake,
    shake and bake,
    never late
    for a tender date!

    Get it, got it, good!

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    Replies
    1. It didn't even take me long to draw your body haha! Of course, in Alice in Wonderland the caterpillar is a non-stop smoking son of a gun. You're much more sophisticated. Right? ;)

      Never late for a tender date... I like the sound of that.

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    2. Wait! You drew my body which means, you actually had your hands on my body? Wow!

      I'm wondering if you have a brother... maybe a little bit older than you... possibly green colored? If so, please forward my name. I'm a lot of fun most days!

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    3. If I did, I'd ship him to your crib right now. Yes, I drew your body. How impertinent...

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  15. I would say I'd be the king of beers, but Budweiser is the King of Beers and who can compete with a multi-billion dollar conglomerate? And if anyone's wondering why we both look so shocked up there, it's because Bryan has 8 fingers and Brandon has 10. Where did all of those extras come from...?

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    Replies
    1. Good question... Maybe I need to go back to school and brush up on my arithmetic. Or I need to say hi to my ophthalmologist. Or maybe that queen used to say, "Off with his fingers." It sure is a mystery.

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  16. OMG..that post had of taken some serious work with all the links and the rhyming...and the everything. Great fun to read and super clever.

    As for me being a queen...I would hope to be me only with more power and a bigger castle. I consider my self a kind person so I would hope to still be kind. There would be no chopping of any "parts". Probably wouldn't wear a crown as I look crappy in hats and I think they would be uncomfortable. I definitely wouldn't be a Virgin Queen as my husband (who would be a King at that point) probably would have damsels chasing him and wouldn't want to have him being King Lear-ing chasing after the slutty wenches around the kingdom.

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    Replies
    1. Don't remind me. That's why I don't post every week. ;)

      A bigger castle is essential. They say that power changes people unless you are strong. I'm not sure how much I would change but "me only with more power" sounds like a good plan, Cheryl. Did you say damsels and slutty wenches? It's good to be the king. Now, who said that?

      Delete
  17. What? I thought "Cash was King" seriously that image of you with your head cut off is disturbing for me :(
    Queen? Do I really want to be queen? Perhaps, I would just be the guardian of the blue planet that I have named Truemanticism. The golden rule is to tune into the frequency of love. haha..well you asked..

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    1. Cash is King... You're right!
      Plastic will do too day or night
      Disturbed means it looks real
      Like it's the real deal
      Guardian of planet Blue
      Or the blue planet at your shoe?
      Truemanticism... that's a pretty name
      So aptly named, no one's the same
      Yes, I asked and wanted to know
      At the blue guy show

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    2. Truemanticism - is a word I coined
      you see in the kingdom beyond the stars
      love grows tu-lips - softly joined
      an evolving blue planet far from mars

      here resided a handsome loving king
      planet dwellers pledged their devotion
      at night with his lute he would sing
      their hearts were filled with emotion

      now, a dragon flew from a distant land
      as he heard the planet was in need
      he and his navigator would lend a hand
      some aliens did not want love to seed

      wip - ok, just wrote that off the top of my head and I didn't say off with his head Dezzie..haha - smiling

      yes, I am always impressed with your posts and artwork :)


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    3. (Whispering) Off the top of your head? Still whispering Don't plant seeds in Dezzy's brain. He might feel inspired :p

      I'm afraid to ask: What would Bluemantism refer to?

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    4. What would Bluemantism refer to
      it's that visible spectrum between
      blue and indigo, oh what a hue...
      holding all the memories we've seen
      blue roses for you and I, it's true
      beyond the horizon a land serene
      hearts beating with life anew
      howl of a harp would cause a scene
      under moonbeams a song just for you

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    5. You're too kind, True. Thanks.

      Delete
  18. I would be such a crappy queen. I can hardly manage my own affairs, let alone run an entire kingdom. I believe my subjects would be screaming "Off with her head!" at every chance they got.

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    Replies
    1. queens don't manage affairs, silly, they just act like they do... a wave of hand here, a wave of hand there... and that's it....

      Delete
    2. Crappy? No way.

      Tell her, Dezzz.

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    3. Well, my middle finger tends to pop up on its own accord sometimes when I wave my hand around. Is that very queen-like? If so, sign me up!

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    4. Consider yourself signed up.

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    5. When you can give the middle toe
      That is when a ruling you shall go

      Delete
  19. What do you mean, If I were a Queen?
    I am the best that Blighty has seen!
    Forget Victoria and our current Lizzie
    Cos I am the one that keeps up the fizzy.
    I’m visiting colonies and having a play,
    And cracking some smiles with witty Anglais
    Meeting new people and sharing a drink,
    Then I’m off to the next before they can blink.
    I’m the Queen of laughter and fun, you see
    And like to leave joy wherever I be,
    With a hug or a chat I’ll spend time for a while,
    Until I can leave your face with a smile.

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    Replies
    1. My bad - you are a queen, all right
      When it's hot n' sunny or late at night
      You're out of sight
      The Queen of Laughter and Fun, I see
      How could I not in the place to be
      I'm all smiles, all smiles I am
      It's as true as a honey-baked Bucking um... ham

      Delete
  20. I would be the king of coffee and chocolate :)

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  21. I'd be a king of the people. Someone needs to crown me -- in a good way -- before it's too late!

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  22. I would be the queen for all women, smiles ~ I love fighting for women's rights and battles ~ Happy spring day ~

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    Replies
    1. Hear, hear! Translation: I'm all for that.

      Delete
  23. I don't think I'd make a good queen, I'm a bit too bitchy and I have full on mood swings thanks to the wonders of menopause. lol

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    Replies
    1. Oh darn. Say it ain't so at your show.

      Delete
  24. HI Blue...
    I guess being a Queen, is more a state of mind...
    My family makes me feel like their Queen...
    I guess I am, since....I am married to the King!
    And...he is King, because I am the Queen....
    Geesh...I need a drink...
    "Peasant.....bring me my wine"
    Hahahaha!
    Gosh...I am mental tonight....
    Cheers!
    Linda :o)

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    Replies
    1. Well, hello Queen Linda! One bottle of wine coming up.

      Delete
  25. I'd be a queen of chocolate. Only good quality chocolate will be allowed and white chocolate will be outlawed. And high heeled shoes will be banned too.

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    Replies
    1. Queen Lynda knows what she wants.

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    2. It's important. If you don't know what you want, then how will you get it? Bring me chocolate... Stat!

      Delete
  26. I'm still hoping Arya Stark will sit on the throne - I want to be her sort of queen!!!!

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  27. Would be fun to be King
    One could decide on many things

    Hank

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Many a thing
      If you were king
      The king of poems aplenty
      No need to take a tip from the so-called cognoscenti

      Delete
  28. I don't want to be king or queen of anything, not even snowflakes, and I'm really sickened by our upcoming King/Queen election/joke. But I'll ride to "I Want it All" any day. Great riding/workout tune!!!

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    Replies
    1. Slash... joke. I hear ya. Let's stick with the song then :)

      Delete
  29. I love that picture! Lol I would try to be as fair and humane and possible. I would be the white witch from the wizard of oz...

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    Replies
    1. There you are. So you love that picture in which I'm dead? Ouch! :p Hey, the white witch of Oz is my favorite.

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    2. Dead? I could have sworn you were just sleeping... in a real awkward position.

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    3. Sleeping with the fishes
      Like some broken dishes

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  30. I'd be the one on horseback in the middle of battle - can't help it!

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  31. I would be a terrible King (or Queen). I'd carry too much guilt for having such a large castle while the peasants suffered.

    ReplyDelete
  32. da 100th! Now play me a song on your zither!

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    Replies
    1. Um...

      There was a boy and Dezzy was his name
      (pom pom pom pom)
      Wasn't real coy and man boobs were his game


      Everybody! :p

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    2. Now, say, can you marry me off for that bald guy that played guitar for the Netherlands tonight at Eurosong?

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    3. I have no idea what you're talking about, Dezzmeister.

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    4. pffft I'll never marry myself off for a Scandinavian with you this inefficient!

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    5. They call me Grandpa for a reason.

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  33. If I were a queen, all cats and dogs in the kingdom would be spay or neutered:) And if they started to die out, more would be imported in from countries with overpopulation issues:)
    Speaking of which how are your kitties?

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    Replies
    1. It's weekend, Sandra :) They are doing just fine. Thanks for asking.

      Delete
  34. So what's the update, Sir Balls? How many unsuspecting students did we fail? Did we buy a new suit for the end of school cocktail? Did Mongo hear that Ignatius went missing for two weeks and returned only today all skinny and ruffled? I suspect he went to consult with Alien Overlords to accept new instructions....

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    Replies
    1. I failed 50%. No new suit as my car needed some repairs. Come to think of it, so do I.

      Ignatius is back. I hope you gave him a snack or two.

      Delete
  35. Ah, there's my old pal Blue! I've been gone from blogging for so long, that I was worried no one else would still be around, but here you are! Glad to get a good dose of your unique and enchanting style :) Perhaps I'll even get it together enough to write an actual blog post, too! We'll see :)

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    Replies
    1. When whaddoyouknow... My favorite flower is back. No need to tell you I missed you. You're still in my rocket, you know.

      Delete
  36. To be queen is better than to be king for sure. So many more perks, far less responsibility (not that I mind responsibility, just not on that level, mind you). ;)

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    Replies
    1. I hear ya. It all makes perfect sense to me.

      Delete

Speak your mind.