MENTAL NOTE

"Though we cannot make our sun stand still, yet we will make him run."
Blue, resist the urge to use facebook. You can do it. Good luck.
Cats and dogs can be friends. So can cowboys and indians. So can we.
Why try to be the best when there's no hierarchy in heaven?

Saturday, August 27, 2016

Aptly Named

I read a lot to forget about the life I lead. I read about other people´s lives — some real, the majority fabricated — and I read much more than my ailment, if you could call it that, really allows me to do. I guess I'm stubborn that way or just afraid to die in my sleep. I've turned running on empty into an art form. The point is that I'm very much aware of my escapism and I was wondering if you are too.


When the sun is shining, I like to think that my life isn't so bad. I've got a job that would pay me reasonably well if only I had the energy to work full-time. I've got a roof, a shitty roof but a roof nevertheless; I've got a kind and dashingly pretty wife who puts up with my grumbles and growls; I've got a shitty car that's able to put a smile on my face until it breaks down for the umpteenth time; but I still feel like I'm not the person I always thought I would be. Most of the time I wake up and all I think about is bills, bills, bills. I must be doing something wrong. I know I can do better. I should do better. I can swim so how come I think I'm drowning? How come I cannot afford a trip to Bora Bora? Sure, I've got four Ted Baker suits, but I got a lucky 70% discount plus the idea is for them to last at least ten years or more. Besides, they are just my way of keeping colleagues at a safe distance. It's a game worth a buck or 2.

The real me prefers the comfort and safety of his couch coupled with a luring novel or a creative comic. I want to get out of here. Get me out of here! Isn't it ironic that the sensible part of my brain urges me to live life to the max while the emotional part of my brain (about 80% would be my best guess) tells me I need a cooperative body to be able to live life to the max, so lie down and shut up. Always obeying the voices, I close my trap and read. And read. And read. Escapism. You may know what I'm talking about. It's my way of forgetting about myself and my failures. It's my way of forgetting about my worries and my fears.

Right now I'm sad, I'm restless. If I were the crying type, many a salty tear would be running down my blue cheeks and I'd need a blow... dryer. But the fact that I never do only serves to remind me of yet another one of my failures — and a very basic one to boot. So what I really want to do is finish that 1000-page Spider-man omnibus that's been sitting on my shelf for months wondering if I'm still capable of finding joy in the ludicrous and the nonsensical. Did I mention that the ludicrous and the nonsensical don't come cheap either?

Anyway, I just wanted to talk to you, is all. I hope this hasn't tainted your day. If it has, Blue and the voices apologize. I like to think there's a difference between whining and trying to find some balance, but I might be mistaken. I'd say there's an 80% chance of that being the case, but who's counting...

Tell me, are you an escape artist, too? If so, what is your specialty?

* * *

Don't drown.

33 comments:

  1. Looks like Blue has a tiny worm creature on his hand as he tries to swim to Bora's land. Yep, bills, bills, bills, or broke broke broke. Either one, or both, are enough to make one choke. Thankfully the voices at play are crazy at my bay and so writing helps me escape the crap as the crap is sure on a repeat lap. Doesn't even have time to stop and reboot, just goes and goes taking all loot. Most people have to fight to survive in some way to remain alive. Every day, in some sort of way. Each having a cross to bear, so to speak, as we go up shit creek. No paddles, leaky boat and all. Balance is rarely something that comes between birth and last call. Always something going to shake the tree, on which the cat would like to take a pee.

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    1. Now that's what I call a great comment. What you're saying is as true as the gold I don't have. Hey, did I mention I can't draw hands to save my life? Or maybe it is a worm after all...

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    2. Gold neither of us have at our sea
      Hey, you can draw waaaaaaaaaaaay better than me

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    3. So how come I like your Bora Bora Liar Blue so much?

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  2. Yep, our bodies are so often our worst enemies, I swear mine has always been my greatest villain and nemesis, that wretched walrusy monster....
    Oh, sing me a sad song... some people can afford a piece of bread, why are we talking about affording Bora Bora?
    And you know I'm your fella escape artist! But I do work full time times two even with that nasty walrus refusing to cooperate ....

    Speaking of comics, just did an introduction and final word for one of Foster's PRINCE VALIANT tomes :) for my publisher....

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    1. Walrusy monsters do know how to swim, though, so maybe Bora is within reach, Dezmeister. I try not to compare myself with people who can't afford bread. It's a futile exercise, not to mention depressing. Full time times two... I know. Don't know how your body pulls it off. (Pulls what off wink wink?)

      I need to see that introduction.

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    2. It pulls it off as it must... until it pulls me off to hell.... cause I reckon we is not going to heaven, right? Walruses are too big to be flown up, we can just be kicked down :)

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    3. Right. Let's say I'd be surprised if we were. Good thing no one knows. So "Beam me up, Dezzy" is out of the question? How boring. Anyone who can create the universe in six days can beam you up, my friend.

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  3. I'm sorry, Blue. Sometimes a little escapism is good. Sometimes it's best to fight for what we want. We just need to know which way to go.

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    1. I fight in public and escape in private. Did you say sometimes... a little escapism is good? So a truckload is not to be recommended? ;)

      Thanks.

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  4. I get the same way. I keep my brain occupied with things all day - work and music and planning blog posts - and it only catches up with me right before I need to get up in the morning. An alarm goes off in my head, screaming about how time is passing by and I'm not actually doing enough.

    We all have to do something with our time. If we can live our lives, not be a horrible financial burden on others, and fill our heads with wonderful ideas, then I don't mind that life.

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    1. If I had the energy, I'd be up all night too. I try not to be a burden, but somehow I pretty much suck at it. Pardon my Swedish.

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  5. Sometimes you just have to keep swimming during these times of restlessness and do the best you can to see the blessings in your life.sometimes I struggle with the same thing. do take care.

    Betty

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    1. Will do, betty. Have a great Sunday. It's a fun day.

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  6. I guess we all get down and think we should or could be doing more and doing everything better than what we do.

    I have resorted to escapism when I am struggling with a problem that seems to have no solution or is beyond my control...then losing myself in a book or binge watching Netflix offers escape. Usually, however, I use diversions. I start some project that keeps me distracted. Nothing as ambitious as swimming to Bora Bora but more like cleaning closets or repainting a bedroom. It's still a method of escaping my problems but I feel productive.

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    1. Hi Cheryl. Binge watching Netflix. My problem is I'd fall asleep, no joke. But if it works for you, it works for you and I'm all for it. Feeling productive helps 100%. Thanks.

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  7. Ah Blue, we must be swimming in the same ocean, the only difference is I do cry a million salty tears. At least you have the basics you need for life. Balance can be difficult to find during changing tides. My equilibrium is often off a tad, but I am different I guess.

    Yesterday, I played hide and seek with a blue heron. Finally scored some pictures.

    There is nothing wrong with escapism, i do it all the time through dreams. I can go anywhere my heart desires and sometimes I am pulled in by some other source. I am a dream artist I just need a musician too create the soundtracks to my dreams ;)

    Look you are swimming not drowning, you can do it blue keep on kicking imagine you are a blue marlin. A most majestic fish - cobalt blue and silvery belly sailing in a vast sea. A sword to protect you in your journey. Swim my friend, swim...

    You just need to keep busy Blue...a busy blue is a happy you!

    Let's go to Bora Blue - we can take the portal through the dreamscape. Create a day filled with all the things that make us happy. Let's make it unforgettable a treasure for all time...


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    1. Let's. You can count me in.

      Riddle me this: If my body is a wreck running on empty, how come I'm swimming to Bora in that picture? Could it have been a dream? If so, how come I remembered?

      Still swimming, not drowning... That's the plan, True Blue. Something tells me majestic and me are like superman without a cape, but I'll try my best. Wait, let me close my eyes.... A blue marlin. Who would've thought... But where's Scooby Blue?

      It's true: a busy Blue is a happy Blue, not a blue Blue.
      So... how are you?

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  8. let's do it Blue
    swim to the Bora bay
    dance the night away
    a blue marlin is you
    a bit of Hemingway
    so many words to say
    drifting into a new day

    riddle me this
    riddle me that
    is blue dreaming
    or just believing

    Clark Kent loved with a true heart
    with or without his cape...

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    1. Blue is dreaming, I hope
      Mind your step... There's a slippery slope
      Better take off and find that shore
      A Bora drink? Who'd want some more?
      Reeves will be missed, you know...
      I was there when he first took flight at my shore.
      It's Monday...
      Such a fun day.

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  9. This is how I feel all the time. Of course, don't we all want to flee our heads? Those who don't are suspect.

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  10. I totally get you and because 99% of my brain in emotional I have taken the ludicrous and non sensical to the nth degree and taken the art of escapism to its extreme. For example, I'm going back to America in 5 weeks for another 2 months for more adventures because staying in and thinking about bills and when I might die and have I done enough? and I need to set the world on fire and...and...and.... someday is not a day of the week...
    You certainly sound like you need a blow........................................dryer just to blast those sad seeds away ;) Every time I'm scared or reluctant or indifferent I remember that I just have one shot at this ONE precious and beautiful life so I paint on a big red smile and feel the fear! I think I should come to blue land next :)

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    1. A whopping 99%? You don't say, Jules. I wonder about that lonely 1%, though. Would you say that 99% is the secret of your awesome creativity and overall greatness to the nth degree? No need to be shy. That's reserved for politically-correct nitwits whose brains listen to Reason and casually flip Emo (not Elmo) the proverbial bird, of course never in plain sight. That just wouldn't be right.

      Yee-haw! Two more months of Lone Star fun for you or will you be scouring the higher regions this time around? Whatever you do, take that hat with you and ride that horse to the finish line. Here's to you, your precious life and your big red smile, Jules!

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  11. Geez Louise. With the exception of the Ted Baker suits, your post sounds like my life. I truly feel your pain (and disdain, I add).

    If only my M&Ms had magical power. I too, often wonder, what happened to my lovely life?

    I'm catching up with blog friends today. That's my escapism for Monday. I'll be back to watching Asian films by this afternoon.

    You and the voices hang in there. Sending you much love (smile).

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    1. Thanks, Dixie. I know you're having a hard time. We need magical M&Ms.

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    2. I would have said, magical sex, but I'm not in any shape to really appreciate it. (sigh).

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    3. Same here. Ten naked ladies in a row and I'd still fall asleep.

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  12. I'm actually exactly the same way. All of my favourite activities are solitary ones, even though I know I need the human interaction to really feel fulfilled. It's just that they tire me out so much. Take some time for yourself and read. But don't forget to get in touch with real people too because it makes everything that much richer (even the reading experience)

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    1. You're right, Rooth. Thanks for the great comment.

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    2. You're right, Rooth. Thanks for the great comment.

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  13. When I need to escape, I sleep. Good thing I don't have insomnia!

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