MENTAL NOTE

"Though we cannot make our sun stand still, yet we will make him run."
Blue, resist the urge to use facebook. You can do it. Good luck.
Cats and dogs can be friends. So can cowboys and indians. So can we.
Why try to be the best when there's no hierarchy in heaven?

Thursday, January 12, 2017

Back to Square One with a Vengeance (about Farts and Other Sounds)

If predestination's in full effect, I figure I'm nobody's favorite son. The plan was for me to somehow find a way to, well, maybe not fully recover but at least not let go of my fairly stable if hopelessly deplorable health. You may recall what I said on December 31. The only way is up. It sure is now that I'm back to square one. (Mental note: never confuse rock bottom with home. This is not normal. This is NOT normal.) So now I'm wondering: How far would I go to obtain the one thing that would make life bearable? Would I terrorize and, yes, murder my pestilent neighbors one by one to restore my health? Well, why not?

Those of you who have been with me for a while will know that my particular brand of blueness stems from the evil that is sarcoidosis, an noninfectious inflammatory disease that can affect almost any organ in the body, from the eyes to the lungs to the brain. (I pray it never finds its way to little Blue though I suspect it might be too late.) It causes heightened immunity, which means that a person's immune system overreacts, resulting in damage to the body's own tissues. And here's the fun part: what triggers this response is not known nor is there a cure.

What is also a fun factor is the awareness of there being his natural anti-inflammatory called Fucoidan, which, like my naughty neighbor's toys, is made in Japan and would help relieve my sarcoidosis symptoms. "Blue, what are you waiting for! Go get yourself a handful of that Fuckosomething!" Well, it's very costly, the good stuff is. It is not covered by my health insurance plan so it's basically Bora Bora in a bottle. And whereas Bora is an expensive place you'd hope to visit at least once in your lifetime (ka-ching!), this good stuff that I'm referring to called Fucoidan (not Fuckoidan or Fuckosomething, though I do feel like a Fuckosomething when looking in the mirror) is the kind of bottle you would need on a daily basis — like booze — until you kick that proverbial bucket (ka-ching ad infinitum!).

Minor problem is, I'm broke as a stick horse, what with all the medical bills that, very much reminiscent of the never ending barrage of square blocks in Tetris keep piling high as if trying to make a point about the futility of my human existence. And if I wasn't (broke, that is, and futile), we'd still be talking the kind of money that's way out of my league. Anyone who claims Benjamins, Yens or euros don't make a person happy is hereby invited to walk a mile in my shoes, all the while knowing fully well (and painfully, too) that somewhere in the distance (keep walking!) there's a costly beacon, an alternative to prednisone, that infamous synthetic immunosuppressant pill that scares the hell out of most people because of its horrible side effects — a typical case of keep your arm but lose the knee.

Which brings me to the question: How far would you go to obtain that magic pill? Well, I'm ashamed to confess I have not yet robbed any sizeable bank, pulled off a heist or mugged a little old lady with a little extra to spare, but I blame that entirely on me. I'm weak that way. Some would argue I've grown a conscience. Who knows, all this suffering might even secure me a spot in heaven if it weren't for a thing or two. You see, not giving me my magic pill can't just go unpunished and it doesn't. Someone has to pay the price, foot the bill and look the dead horse's head straight in the eye that I serve at room temperature.

The truth is, I have been terrorizing my hump-happy neighbors. I sound like a skunk on Broadway on account of the cheap-ass drugs prescribed to me. I wonder if the Doc is having a blast (I know I am, literally), now that he's given me the power to match my neighbors moans with blasts that are as impressive as they are terrifying. I wonder if the Doc is on my side, allowing me to torment my Olympian humpers with sounds of unspeakable alienness. I'm now a magician who can turn coughs into farts and with such unearthly conviction that I'm pretty sure my hump-happy neighbors lie dead in their beds as I type this report of my current tribulations. Cause of death: shock. Plain and simple. No, not the poetic kind of shock you find in your average Jane Austen novel ("So horrible an evil!"). I mean death from literal shock, as in... unexplainable earth quakes. I'm talking Blue in Concert. It would be on YouTube if my farting wouldn't take the whole system down.

All this hard work, and still no cure. Where's the justice in that? Where is my magic pill? 

Now, excuse me while I go take a nap.

* * *


82 comments:

  1. If they gave you money to buy that Fucothing, the pharmaceutical industry would fall apart with all the people getting cured, so that is why they keep us all sick, 'tis as simple as that.
    Sorry to hear you're not feeling good, oh, how we boo and hiss and spit on illnesses and diseases!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Dez. Yes, that's exactly how this industry operates. Let's feed off the sick.

      Delete
    2. Is you feeling better or worse, Randy Mandy?

      Delete
    3. A bit better. Just a bit. My fever isn't as high as it was last week. Coughing prevents me from speaking, though, but it doesn't hurt as much as it did until two days ago. Thanks for asking.

      Delete
    4. Ain't that the truth, Dezzy! Why cure when there is so much money in keeping us sick. Here, shove a pill our way that costs mucho dinero that only makes us feel slightly better, but will not cure. Because where's the profit in a cure?

      Delete
    5. does that mean you're not working? I imagine you could not pantomime your lessons to students, right? :P
      Theresa, it is like with lipbalms in which they're deliberately putting some substance that makes you addicted to it, why would they cure them from being chapped when they can make you dependent on it?

      Delete
    6. I'm not teaching now but I am writing heap loads of lessons for the coming two semesters (also for a couple of other teachers to teach). So basically I'm alternating between my desk and my couch, taking lots of naps in between. I once lost my voice and asked a student to come sit next to me and say out loud when I was whispering. That was fun.

      Delete
    7. For everyone. You know love to um spread the fun, right? :p

      Delete
  2. Well, that really sucks. Why is the good stuff that really works is outside of America? Sorry it's a battle you must fight for your health and with a sword made of pennies, not gold. At this point, you might as well try a Go Fund Me project.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. It only grows in Japan. It's a rare seaweed and lots of people want it...

      Delete
  3. Come and live at mine and go visit the NHS.
    How much is this stuff? I'll buy you some. I'll buy you the biggest bottle.
    As for your neighbours - Karma. Go make some noise, Blue.
    Sending you hugs and ready to get you some fuckemall juice. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for caring, Jules. You know it's very much appreciated.

      As for those bottles, Jules, it would be useless and cruel for me to buy a couple of them because doing so - or accepting a bottle from you for that matter - would be akin to giving myself the power to fly for a day only to remember the rest of my life what it was like. Do you know what I mean?

      Now, if it were an actual cure, well, that would be a completely different ball game, but it isn't and I would become addicted to its power. That's no life.

      I just need to take things slow and reshuffle my deck of priorities the way I did in 2011, 2013 and now again in 2017.

      Reading your emails and comments are a kind of medicine, too, you know. Stress can kill people like me. Your words have quite the opposite effect.

      Delete
  4. Magic pills, huh? I know the magic pill. Know it well. How do you think I got to be this long-lived ole healthy broad......exception of course, when exhuberant zooming puppy sends me flying and breaks my arm. It was my grandmothers
    magic pill but even magic pills have their limits so yesterday I signed and picked up my final will.
    Magic pills are always natural and DO cost pennies.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Whenever I read a comment by the one and only Belva, I find myself paying particular attention to what you have to say. Now, why is that, I hear you say. Well, it's because you've been around and might be able to teach this 46-year-old blueman a thing or two. Yes, magic pills or potions are always natural and more often than not hard to find - sometimes they're hiding in some jungle and sometimes they're sitting on a mountain top.

      You picked up your final will. Now, that's a sobering thought and I need to sit down. I hear you loud and clear, and probably because of my lacking intelligency, I don't know what to day. My mother once told me that it's advisable to keep my trap shut when nothing worth other people's while springs to mind, so that's exactly what I'm gonna do.

      When did you break that arm?

      Delete
    2. Blueman
      It was a bad sentence. I meant......
      Magic pills really DO have their limits. (that's a period) Then......

      Using the word "limits" made me remember that I had just picked up my revised will and assigned the trust for my kids. All that kind of
      pertains to a limit.

      I was not meaning to refer to knowing of any hints or facts pertaining
      to MY limits. I always think that age is a big factor in that guessing
      game. That's like today I was on the phone making an appointment to renew my driver's lic. The gal said, "If you are 16 to 65, that will be
      $40.00." I asked her, "And what if you're not?" She really seemed
      nonplussed and asked what age I would be this year. When I said
      87 she said it would cost twenty bucks. Oh

      My grandmother really did pass on her magic pills to me as I was lucky enough to be born before the end of WW2 when allopathic
      medicine debunked all magic pills. Of course, magic pills cost pennies and big pharma could charge thousands.

      Delete
    3. When blue men start trying to make sense of a typo, you know they're in trouble or the world is coming to an end. Shame on those big pharma and shame on the government for condoning a situation in which hard-working average citizens suffer because they can't afford drugs that should cost pennies.

      Why did that woman sound nonplussed? May be you sound like a speing chicken and was her state of being nonplussed a compliment in disguise. No? Well, in that case ignorance is the word that springs to mind. And why did you have to pay 20 bucks anyway, tight?

      Delete
  5. Sorry this is happening to you Blue. The world is not level at all. Is there anywhere that the drug is sold more affordably like Cuba or something. The Michael Moore director took a group of 9/11 rescuers to Cuba to get medication that cost thousands in the U.S. for much cheaper. It was very touching.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. They treat many serious illnesses well at Cuba, even the ones from which you would die in the West, which is one of the reasons the West hates Cuba so much / nobody must know that the cures exist, lest the people rebel and start asking for them.

      Delete
    2. Hi Sheena-kay, hello Dezz. I had no idea. Not that I'm surprised, though. I also read a book a long time ago on patents which said that one of the reasons cures never get to see the light of day is that different patents block one another. So, yes, it's greed all over again.

      Delete
    3. what I'm saying, Blue, is that you might try finding a cure there or in Russia, you'd be surprised what kind of illnesses 'untreatable' in the West, they cure there, even the deadly ones

      Delete
    4. Been looking into it, Dezzz. It's a maze.

      Delete
    5. A pill for cancer that they use at Cuba has been given experimentally to my country as well, I know some people are getting it right now, not that you would ever hear of it in the west.

      Delete
  6. Would be nice to find the magic pill and then suck back one's fill. But yep, all costs dough. Making one's wallet low. So-called medical industry is crap. Run by nothing but a rich chap. North America and others think they are the best when really it is nothing but a greed fest. I'd try the fuckothingy too if it was near my zoo and I had dough. But away I go. Thankfully I got rid of the huge gas, so I'm not that loud of a little rhyming ass lol but no money in cure for anything so they keep up the cha-ching. Sad when places like Cuba and the Dominican Republic have better ways. Maybe the humpers will think there is a new farting craze?

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Crap the medical industry is
      Worse than the reboot biz
      Ka-ching is a big deal
      If you feel the way we feel
      And when I say we I mean the ill
      Not looking forward to another bill
      The humpers don't think
      May their boat sink

      Delete
    2. Not thinking humpers?
      Got that one their bumpers?
      Maybe tattooed on their ass?
      Hey, take that over the medical industry mass
      At least their screwing is fun
      Get to touch a umm bun

      Delete
    3. I just might
      Will it pay my flight?

      Delete
  7. Wow, sorry to hear things are going so badly. Really.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Mr. Silver Fox. I appreciate that.

      Delete
  8. It seems so wrong to charge stupid amounts for an item that could benefit someone's health. We put too much value on money and not enough on each other. Makes me an angry panda.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Greed is everywhere, Lynda. Let's sing a song.

      Delete
    2. remember that sick millionaire last year that bought the factory that makes HIV pills just so that he could double up the prices of it?

      Delete
    3. That mother-you-know-what! And no jail whatsoever. Figures.

      Delete
    4. I've just read last night that they threw shit and poop on him somewhere in public, a delight to read :)

      Delete
  9. Ugh, I'm sorry Blue. Rest up and try to feel better!

    ReplyDelete
  10. So sorry to hear that things are not going better.

    ReplyDelete
  11. I, too am so sorry to hear of your health issues. I have long been troubled that people are suffering while magic pills remain available but not within the financial reach of the people that need them. There seems to be a lack of humanity involved in marketing drugs that could lessen people suffering but keeping them unaffordable. It really is about greed. When I hear about the pharmaceutical companies making huge profits and their exec talking about the costs being research and development I want to vomit. There is probably an anti-nausea pill that could help but it would cost $10K, no doubt.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. You're right, Cheryl. Those people make me sick! Hey... there's a thought! It's their fault. Well, if only. Then I'd know who to trangle.

      $10K at least because we're talking rrrrreally sick.

      Delete
  12. Hi Blue...
    Crappy that there is no cure for you...
    A lot of crazy ailments out there...
    My daughter has Celiac...another crappy disease...no cure..😒
    At least your sense of humour is still razor sharp...
    Have a good weekend...
    Cheers!
    Linda :o)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Celiac? Say it ain't so. That has everything to do with gluten, right? That sucks a ton. No cure... I know what that is like.

      If only a sense of humor could cure health problems, Linda :)

      Enjoy your weekend!

      Blue

      Delete
    2. Yes....gluten....it is in everything!
      Apparently a hereditary disease...
      My younger brother died at 37... I believe from complications from this nasty disease...it turns into Cancer.....đŸ˜ŗ

      Delete
    3. Isn't it curious that, say, 20 years ago you would never hear about people being allergic to gluten. Heck, you never even heard the word being used. So now I'm wondering... was it just unknown at the time or has there been a shocking increase in the problem? It turns into cancer? Say it ain't so :(

      Delete
    4. Sorry to say it does...
      I never knew anybody with peanut allergies when I was a kid...now, the kids can't even take peanut butter sandwiches for THEMSELVES!!! Whaaaat?

      Delete
  13. Ah Blue,

    ''Tis a sad day to read this post :( A chronic illness is difficult to manage as there are good and bad days. What about that seaweed that is suppose to work wonders? If I could I give you your own sea. The best plan at the moment is to take each day, enjoy the moments when you can. Smile when you can, laugh as much as you can. It releases good chemicals in your body.

    Where o'where are our tickets to paradise....our island oasis of dreams.

    Be well my beautiful blue man! You know where I am just a keystroke away and never too busy to spend time with you!

    Hugs and kisses from me to you!!!!

    and never ever give up on the beauty of you!!!!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, True Blue. Your empathy is much appreciated, you know that. I'll smile as much as I can. The um... human noise has stopped, but that doesn't make the ride less bumpy.

      Talk to you soon.

      Delete
    2. You know Blue, I had to get a prescription filled this week and the price went up 3 times the normal cost. I had a fit and called the insurance company. It seems the pharmacy I use experienced a hike with the drug supplier. The insurance company suggested I call around next time to see what other pharmacies were charging for the generic version.

      You my friend are welcome...much love to you...

      Delete
    3. Three times as much... That's borderline criminal. Let me rephrase that: That's criminal, and don't expect the government to do something about it. They're in cahoors, is what that is. No?

      Delete
  14. If you have your health, you have everything . . . Sadly, the reverse is true as well. Sorry to hear about the drug problems. I have a friend whose daughter's seizures are only helped by one drug that happens to be about $600 a month, and I guess not approved in the US or something. It's tough, when all you want to do is feel normal. Take care, Blue.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. $600 a month... Someone's getting rich at our expense, that's for sure.

      Thanks, Bijoux.

      Delete
  15. It sucks that the greed outweighs the conscience. I hope you feel better soon.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Yvonne. Kind of you to say that.

      Delete
  16. Don't even get me started on medical costs. My shots for my autoimmune disorder cost $4,000 every 8 weeks. Funny, the year just started and I've already hit my deductible between my shot and a small procedure I had done last week. Prednisone is no good (been there done that), and I'm injecting myself with poison every 8 weeks, but like you said, it's a do you want to lose your finger or your whole hand situation. I'm just bargaining on the lesser of two evils. The whole healthcare industry is a joke. I do hope the price of your fucyousomethingorother pill somehow comes down or insurance starts to cover it. It pisses me off knowing there's something out there that can make you feel better, but it all boils down to dollars and cents. Ridiculous!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Jesus Chtist, Theresa! Those numbers are ridiculous and there's no government to stop those thieves. We're being f-ed twice, first by nature and then by the health care industry, so how come it doesn't feel great if you know what I mean. It just pisses me off. Newly developed drugs are expensive, I get that, but all of us are being screwed big time by a system that only cares about lining its own frigging pockets, and if that means over my dead body, nobody's even blinking.

      Every 8 weeks... I don't know what to say. Well, maybe this: screw them back whenever you can.

      Delete
    2. Blue, she did not even tell ya the price of the two surgeries she had, 'tis better you don't know it :( You know, I worked ten years to pay for those three of mine... with no use in the end, a youth lost...

      Delete
    3. That so depressing. Thumbs up for staying so upbeat, Theresa.

      Delete
    4. The sad thing is, my drug is not a new one. Been around for many years so I don't understand why it's so expensive. Maybe because it's classified as a chemo drug? Even then, it's highway robbery.

      I'll stay upbeat because getting angry and sad about the situation only aggravates my symptoms. Gotta just put on a smile most days and keep on truckin'.

      Dezzy, be thankful you had your surgeries there and not in the US. You'd be working 3 lifetimes instead of 10 years to pay those off, I'm sure.

      Delete
  17. I have my own disease that there's no cure for but there's a suppressant that kinda helps but it's too expensive so I don't even bother with it. I have psoriasis. But itchy scales are way more manageable to just 'deal with' than what you have. Sorry to hear it, pal.

    I just love that the state of healthcare in this country is currently, "If there's at least an 80% chance I won't die, then I'm not going to go to the doctor/get medicine because doing so will bankrupt me."

    Hopefully that changes in coming years.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. If there's one thing I've come to realize it's that quite of few bloggers have health issues. I'm sorry to hear about yours. My uncle Bob has psoriasis, too. It's a bitch and, of course, the suppressant (never a cure - why is that?) costs a leg and an arm. Hell, take my left foot, too. And, here, I'm throwing in a middle finger for good measure.

      Delete
  18. Firstly, I had absolutely no idea you had sarcoidosis. Terrible.

    Secondly, New Zealand harvests and process Fucoidan enriched seaweed & algae. Here's the link: http://enzalg.co.nz/

    Thirdly, for gods sake don't buy anything from Japan - or China for that matter.

    Fourthly (is that even a word?) I would be more than happy to investigate the product, and if necessary, send you a bottle. No joke.

    Sixly (lol) My thoughts are with you. Please, if I can help, you just need to ask xoxox

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Wendy, but getting a bottle isn't the problem. Having buy them for the rest of my life is. That's quite a list you've got there :) Sixly is my favorite.

      HERE's one of my posts about sarcosomething.

      Delete
    2. Having to buy....

      Whose blonde now? :(

      Delete
    3. I;ve found these two places, Blue, but I don't know if they're pricey or not and if they're strong enough for you:

      http://werone.co/eng/product/fucoidal-antitumor-seaweed-extract-cancer-lung-breast-liver-blood

      http://fucoidanforce.com/

      Delete
    4. Hi Dezz. Thanks but that's the cheap stuff I tried back in 2011. It isn't strong enough. There's a bit of it in it but not enough.

      Delete
    5. not even smaller quantities help at least a bit? I've found it mentioned on some of our sites here in my country too, but no links where it could be bought :( What if you buy those cheaper ones and triple, quadruple the dosage? Still not even remotely enough?
      We need some Russian babushka healer somewhere in their clean air mountains to fix you a medicine! The latest craze from Russia is their shungit stone which apparently clears away and kills all bacteria and fungi in your body even from objects and houses, and it thus cures millions of illnesses too. I'm actually thinking of buying a stone for cleansing my drinking water

      Delete
    6. No, that's not gonna work, Dezz. It all boils down to quality, not quantity, in this case at least.

      P.S. While you're thinking of buying a stone to cleanse your drinking water, I'm thinking of buying another bottle of booze to cleanse my bowels and drown out any hopes of an affordable cure I might have. ;)

      Delete
  19. Apparently, NZ has been producing seaweed extract for the US market since 2001. News to me ...
    I'm going to look into it for my own health too.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear ... I have just proven myself blonde, by going from fourthly, directly onto sixly - with no fifthly ... Honestly ...

      Delete
    2. No fifthly... Well, who needs fiftly anyway? Make sure you know which kind of fucoidan to purchase (85% is the absolute minimum).

      Delete
  20. and with all that, you broke into another year! 2017.
    that said, i'm sorry to hear about the declining health, and wealth due to it. i'm also helplessly watching my money flow into hospitals with all the current things going on with me.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I was thinking the other day that quite of few of the bloggers I know have health. So good to hear from you again, fellow-sufferer. People who say money doesn't make us have must be really healthy or sick the cheap way. ;)

      Delete
    2. They're just sick the cheap way, so we're good with a bit of class there ;)

      Delete
  21. If I had oodles and tons of money, I would buy you your fukkadoodliesomething pills, Blue.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. That's so sweet of you to say that, Rosey. Sleep tight. Don't let the bed bugs bite.

      Delete
  22. It is very sad to read about your situation, Blue. The way the system works is a shame. Here's hoping your health gets fine soon, and to reading and getting to know a lot of Blue posts.

    ReplyDelete
  23. Oh Blue, I am so sorry to read more of your ill health. If I ever win the lotto (or rob a bank) I'll buy you a lifetime supply of the seeweed stuff!!!!

    ReplyDelete

Speak your mind.