Okay, so there's going to be another Death Star. That's right. Death Star number 4. But this time.... hold on to your butts!.... it is made by the resistance. YES! You may want me to run that by you once again. Okay, so there's going to be another Death Star. But this time... it is made by the resistance. YES! And they blow the First Order to smithereens. Boooooooooom! Goodbye! The end.
Rey, our likeable heroine, wakes up in her bedroom in a serious sweat. She is utterly confused. She looks at a picture of Leia smiling. (Leia is smiling, not Rey.) She sighs. She looks at a picture of Han Solo not smiling. (I guess he had a bad feeling about Carry spilling the proverbial beans one not-so-fine day.) She sighs. She looks at a picture of Luke with a beard. (Luke has the beard, not Rey.) The voice of the ghost of Obi Wan Kenobi says, "Yes, that's the one!" She then grabs her Spacephone 7 and calls Luke. Still confused and sweating like a pig on a pot belly pig stove, Rey says, "Hey, Luke. Yes, listen, I just had this horrible nightmare about pod races, endless trade negotiations, treaties and more treaties, midi-chlorians, tons of bad, bad, really bad and stilted dialogue, and then there was this terrifying creature called Jar Jar Binks."
"And the last thing this Jar Jar creature said to me, right before I woke up screaming like a maniac in heat, was..." (insert extreme close up of Jar Jar's big mouth filling the entire screen) "'Meesa be back, Rey! Meesa be Baaaaaaack!'" Split screen: Luke and Rey both screaming like Vader did in Episode III: "Noooooooooooooooooooooooo!"
A final crawl that sums everything up and rights all wrongs. No one will ever see this one coming (unless, of course, you're reading all of this). You may want to touch... I mean, click to enlarge (I think):
|Yes, click on it. It won't blow up.|
Maybe next time?
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|Minor spoiler? Oops... too late!|