That's right. And to convince you all of the veracity of that statement, I'll quote my friend Theresa, who, I hope, is your friend, too. She said, "Blue, you handsome devil, you, I'll stay upbeat because getting angry and sad about the situation only aggravates my symptoms." Well, there's that — case closed, and I couldn't agree more. And it doesn't really matter what symptoms she's talking about. Any symptom is made worse when you're angry 24/7 or more stressed out than, say, a toad on the road or a chick on a stick or a beaver non-believer running a hell of a swamp fever. I guess. The point is, don't do it. Zip the lip and save the moan and groan chorus for another day. We're running out of ears, dear.
But what if my girlfriend just broke my heart and I can't find a bridge to jump off? Or if my ass is so big people are starting to call me The Butt That Grew a Person? Or if ex-blogger buddies call me a misogynist and I feel so violated? Boo hooo hooo! Or if the stack of medical bills sitting on my desk is so high eating the damn thing might actually seem akin to eating a nutritious, if unaffordable, meal? What if a kangaroo stole my blue suede shoe? The Cat would say, "Well, Whoopdi Friggin Doo!"
Oh I'm not talking about people dying. I'm not talking about people in despair, people who are in unimaginable pain. They've got a right to complain, all right. I'm talking about your average Moan and Groan Fest. "Oooooooh my iPhone's so slow! Ooooooooh my President is so stupid! Where's my stuff! Where's my stuff!" People seem to complain a lot these days. You may have noticed. My theory is that, here, in the west we're just too damn spoiled. We want it all and we want it now. That's just not gonna happen. What we need to do is whine less and smile more. What say you?
I know, staying upbeat is somewhat of a challenge when you're drowning in your own spit like me (what?) and, because of that um temporary setback, you can't lie down to take a nap, which is what your body really needs. Or when you're coughing maniac-style (and then some) like you're trying to win the Pulmonic Olympics. Or when you're so bushed, fried and plum tuckered out just thinking about the Olympics makes you want to jump off that bridge, but you know you're too pooped to get off that trendy couch. And yet.... that shouldn't keep you from trying (to smile, not to jump). You're not afraid of a challenge, now, are you?
For one, smiling reduce stress, the one thing that can bring me down so I'd better start my workout right now. "And smile! And smile! And smile! And smile! Two more, soldier!" Hey, put a smile on your face and it'll release those lovely little endorphins that counteract those vicious stress hormones floating around in your body wreaking havoc just for the fun of it. Don't you know that smiles — real ones so much more than the fake ones your politically-correct yet impressively hypocritical colleagues try to trick you with as if you're some frigging moron from Mars (they'd call you "hypocritically-challenged," no doubt) — help your body.... relax, allowing the immune system to do its job more quickly and saving you in the process? Not to mention that a smile makes you look much more attractive. "Hey, how are you doing?"
Unless, of course, you smile like THIS.
It's weekend! Have a good one (cough cough)! Where's that (cough cough) fuckosomething when you need it? And where's my blue suede shoe? See, that pisses me off! Harrrrrrrrrrrrr! (cough cough)
* * *
|"But... my neighbors moan and they sound happy."|