"Not reading a newspaper and you are uninformed. Reading a newspaper and you are misinformed."
"Though we cannot make our sun stand still, yet we will make him run."
Will you ever reach Bora?

Friday, January 19, 2018

Incomplete Transcript of Lecture Two: When the Beeps and the Blurs Breed Hypocrisy

Good morning, students. I'm back. Not to talk about the human selfie stick or penis — that kind of got me into trouble with the authorities haha — but to delve into the beeps and the blurs that aim to transform all of us into dependent, lesser human beings, the non-penis-related hypocritical kind.

[Shows slide #1, assuming a solemn pose like a messenger of great things.]

Oh here comes Richard Garnett, the wisest man in the book on hypocrisy — not because he himself was a hypocrite pur sang, but because he wrote a memorable line on the subject: "Every veil," he said, "secretly desires to be lifted, except the veil of Hypocrisy." And no one knows this more than the media. It's a sobering thought, boys and girls, that the media are more powerful than your parents will ever be when it comes to scarring you for life. Unless, of course, your parents' names are Hillary and Bill. Or if your father is The Donald but his last name doesn't rhyme with Buck haha. Should you be so lucky, I'd recommend professional help, a double bourbon on the rocks or just leave your name after the beep.


But, seriously, the media pretend to be our friends. They pretend to be your friends. They address you in a soothing voice when you've got a headache: "Here, take a Tylenol. You'll be all right. We care." Or they use a foghorn — because they think you are deaf — to warn you against some fabricated impending doom also known as the mountain made out of a molehill. "They've got nukes! They've got nukes! They've got weapons of mass destruction! We do, too, but that's completely beside the point!" The mountain made out of a molehill. It's an art form in which some of your other teachers are very much skilled. Oh hello, Professor Rumbold. How are you today? You are here, too, are you?

[Laughter. Professor Rumbold is not amused.]

Professor Rumbold is the one who had me escorted off the premises the last time I spoke here. You may remember. Anyway...

[Shows slide #2, a cartoon depicting two smiling graduates being puppeteered by a gigantic fox.]

What the media, desire the most is to brainwash you until you are a puppet on a string with no brain worth mentioning because you believe them unconditionally. Meanwhile you warn everybody else on the planet not to believe the hype. That's quite an achievement. Think about it: make the masses believe that they have their own opinion, and you are good to go. Freedom of choice, baby! Meanwhile they line their pockets by stripping yours until you end up butt naked in front of your brand new 4D-smells-included TV stroking your iPhone 13,000 wondering how you could have ever survived without their barrage of carefully-balanced input and the never-ending influx of facts and well-meant advice.

[Shows slide #3, a cartoon depicting a fox shaking the President's hands. The President is saying with a smirk on his face, "You are my trump card!"]

Of course, their entire operation runs under the radar. They are smart that way. There is nothing like a dependent puppet, malleable and impressionable. Mommy and Daddy must be so jealous. The media feed us. The media change us. They shape our opinions for us like TV dinners and, boy, are we hungry. Their prepacked opinions are stuffed with sugar and we want our quick fix. "The only news you get is the news we give you!" Let's say that every problem becomes a disaster and every incident becomes hell on earth. Keep your customers scared, and they will listen. Extra, extra!

But that's only half the story because, you see, while the media have you believe that everything they say is carefully balanced, fact-checked and politically correct, they do want you to feast on the latest scandal they serve you on a silver platter. It's okay to show un unhealthy interest in scandals, children. Just don't say, "Fuck." It's okay to show clips of famous people acting like complete morons because the good citizen in Mister Media has inserted strategically placed beeps or blurred a middle finger that is clearly a middle finger. Just don't say, "Fuck you." Or "Human selfie stick." Or "Star Wars 8 is really bad."

The media like bleeping beeps and beeping bleeps because they want to be perceived as Mrs. Clean Incarnate, but they do want to keep you guessing. Hey, let's see, what could that word have been? "That senator needs to [right-clicks his mouse] f-beeeep!-k himself. He can shove that [right-clicks his mouse] f-beeeep!-ing speech right up his big, fat [right-clicks his mouse] beeeeeeeeep!!!" Take it in, viewers! But there's a beep, so it's okay.

[Professor Rumbold gets up from his seat and leaves the lecture room.]

Hey, look! [right-clicks his mouse] beeeeeep!ing Professor Rumbold is leaving us. I can only imagine what he is going to do next. Something tells me he is not going to [right-clicks his mouse] beeeeeeeeep! the lizard. Pardon my Norwegian. I'm getting a bit carried away with this f-beeeep!-ing button. Just a bit. Can you hear it: beeeeep! Or twice: beeeep! beeeep! This is a great app. The Millennial who came up with this  sh-beeeep! needs to be given a beeeep!!ing Nobel Prize. I could be a news reporter. "Good morning. This is Good Morning To You, and I am Jack sh-beeeeeep! The President has beeeeep!ed up again. He has beeeeeep!ed his nanny and beeeeeep!ed his gardener and beeeeeeep-ed two dogs, three kittens and a mouse, only to deny that these juicy episodes in his otherwise chaste life ever occurred. He —    "

[Two security guards enter the lecture room.]

Oh sh-beeeeeep! Here comes the beeeeeep!ing PC Brigade. I guess that means I'm leaving you again. Make sure to read Garnett, chapter 3, and remember — Hey, don't you touch me! That's a Ted Baker suit I'm wearing!! — Remember, boys and girls... Chapter 3.... And don't forget to like me on Facebook! Be good now. I'm leaving. — For Pete's sake, be careful with the suit, you stupid stormtroopers! — Okay, I'm leaving, but I'll be baaaaaaaack!"

[The door closes. Complete silence.]

* * *

Someone needs a beer for the shower...


  1. Sigh.
    And those who take sides will assure us that their media is true and every other media is bleeping dishonest.
    I am so glad I never joined the Farcebook patrol. But get dishonest selfserving bleeping media from a number of other places.
    Add it together, divide by two and take a drink.

    1. Facebook I don't like
      It can go take a hike

      I thought I was the only one...

    2. they look at me like there's something wrong with me. That guy must be nuts. Not on FB?

    3. I was on FB for a year, then quit. I found it to be an enormous waste of time. People left status reports like "I just brushed my teeth." Who gives a shit?

    4. No one gives a flying fuck. Sorry, my beep app is malfunctioning. I was on FB for an hour. No, that's not a joke.

    5. Yep, we tossed that shit aside too. Whoops, bleep at our zoo. Or is it beep? Damn, we'll just go with fluck. So much pointless flucking fluck on there.

    6. You said, "Damn" at my sea
      How unPC of thee
      Scooby Dooweee

    7. Should have said dam
      Would that be spam?

    8. I don't reckon it would
      In my neighborhood

    9. I was on facebook for a year and it was the worst time of my life! I know everyone said I should be on their for my art, but no thank you!
      I have friends, who have their computer, but got rid of their t.v. I totally understand!
      Everyone person just plays off each other! It is so sad! Great post Blue! Great to see you!

    10. HI Blue....
      Been off FB for over a year....
      Don't miss it at all....
      I was gonna swear, but figured I better not...
      Oh what the hell....
      Fuck FB!
      Oh my...I feel much better....
      Thanks Blue....
      Linda :o)

    11. You sure know how to say, "Fuck FB". I'm impressed. :)

  2. Such a bunch of crap
    Rather take a nap
    they fool many a sap
    Have to have it kinda trap
    And then go on and on and on
    Like a snow storm has never before tried to spawn
    The end of the world is had
    Snow that melts is very very bad
    Weapons of mass destruction are over there
    Bah, we don't have any at our lair
    Theirs are real and ours are make believe
    Hmm should we reverse what we receive?
    Nah, the first was the truth.
    Believe it and sign up at our booth
    Those guys are oh so mean
    They fart and create a scene
    They must be stopped
    Breaking news: the mouse said he flopped
    Did we say breaking?
    Bah, don't do a double taking
    Things aren't really made to break
    Nope, nadda, never, will we partake

    Pat and his thong
    Won't play along

    1. That thong is still in place
      The PC brigade will chase
      Breaking news... what does it break?
      Why don't they sit on the bottom of a lake?
      Why don't they find a job that's real?
      Rebooting news like another wheel
      No nukes in your town
      Making you feel like a clown?
      Say it ain't so
      At the Kitty Cat Show
      Well, at least they've got you
      But who's got my blue suede shoe?

    2. Doesn't break shit
      As they hiss and spit
      The same old crap
      But oh, they are an expert chap
      Bleep that flucking beep
      Can stick their meep meep

    3. Can't stick that beep deep
      As they bleep another bleeping creep
      Meanwhile being the same
      Just playing the pc game

  3. Dig the photo! Looks like I'm photo bombing.
    The media does want to control and brainwash. Almost everything is slanted to their agenda. They ignore the truth and run with a sprig of information that bends it their way. Jerks. I avoid the news unless it's Fox News.

    1. You spotted the ninja in that pic
      Doing ninja stuff on a stick
      Or a branch it might be
      At that Bora Bora sea

      I swear that Cat put a spell on me, Alex. Patt might be in on it, too. I avoid the news. Period. Don't need a darker shade of blue.

    2. A spell you say?
      Damn, can I get one for pay?

    3. If I could I would
      In that Kitty Cat neighborhood
      Rise and shine
      Have some wine

  4. I just wanted to point out that The Silver Fox is in no way related to any other "Fox" in the media.

  5. I'm a Gizmo again? I mustn't drink water after midnight then.

  6. Remember the old phrase, 'Trust, but verify'? The world has gone ass backwards, so now we have to verify first, then trust.

  7. I hear you Blue. And I can tell you from experience (here in KSA) that the media aren't always accurate. If I could tell you how many times I've read of things that supposedly happen in KSA (but actually don't) from some "reputable" news agencies, you'd be shocked.

    1. Would you be shocked if I told you I wouldn't be shocked? "Reputable" news agencies all have an agenda, and it sure as heck has little to do with ours.

  8. Blue you look so distinguished at the podium, wearing your Ted Baker suit giving a lecture. What do I think about the media? I am not too impressed these days. Many just take a story and sensationalize on it to obtain ratings and enforce their own personal agendas. Never has the public been so confused as to what is "reality". Thanks goodness we have Professor Blue to tell us what is "True".

    I have never joined Facebook, I know strange, but true. I have never regretted it.

    That is one great camera shot! I am honored to be amongst such wonderful characters. Love it! Cheese (smiling wide)

    1. I could give a lecture on who is True. I would show some of your poems and impress every one in sight. It's a given. Facebook is the new news.

    2. Thanks Blue, that is sweet of you ;)
      I could write a poem about who is "Blue"
      in his quest to find a magical shoe...

    3. Shall I mention the lost shoe
      That makes you sing the blues
      Shall I mention the Stars
      that shine from heaven afar
      Shall I mention wandering dreams
      In a world where all is not as it seems
      Shall I mention a man works too much
      Leaving pieces of himself with each touch...

    4. Everyone needs a thing to long for
      Whether it's a mythical shoe or a secret door
      Leading to a secret shore (or a Bora shore)
      Striving for more, in touch with our inner core.

    5. oops

      Everyone needs something to believe in
      would wishing for more in life, be a sin
      standing at the threshold of wisdom's door
      our eyes open, would we see more than before

    6. For it to be a sin there needs to be a judge
      To guide our seeking hearts and never hold a grudge
      Does wishful thinking alleviate our pain?
      Would it be a sin to substitute our brain
      To wish, instead, for doors that show
      The way to places hidden underneath a luring glow?
      How could anyone judge our need to let go,
      To dive into the unknown and call it our show?

    7. If we are judged for believing in love
      what happens when push comes to shove
      do we need to stand before our peers
      showing our vulnerability in tears
      would we escape through a hidden door
      do rights equal wrongs, evening the score
      no judge, no jury, no human errors
      can dreams ultimately hold us together

    8. Two Blues in a jar
      Wishing on a star :)

    9. No matter how far
      Using our inner radar

    10. So it is
      As we're doing the blue jar biz

    11. Two blue stars
      Caught in a jar

    12. I hear you blue
      Because it is true

      I say we break our confinement
      breathe in some enjoyment

  9. I wish I could make an igloo and hide all of my family and friends and ignore the rest of the crazy ass world we live in. Oh wait. I already do that.
    Except I don't live in an igloo.

    1. No igloo... check! That was so funny. I like your sense if humor, Yvonne.

  10. Are you trying to say that the -----

    F ilthy
    A trocious
    K aput
    E vil

    N asty
    E quivocating
    W icked
    S hameful

    ---media has an agenda? ;P

    1. Hey, Jules! I'm done with my frigging 500-hour project so I'm ready to come and stalk um visit you again. Brace yourself.


    2. Dear me! You work too hard! STOP IT!

      Stalk away! :)

    3. I work so hard I can't remember my own name. That needs to change, and so does me saying this every frigging year. New Year's resolutions my butt.

  11. I try to stay away from the news media as much as possible.

  12. I have the business Facebook but not the one for friends. Everyone and their grandmother (ha, actually not kidding) tells me to get one so they can talk to me, and send me if they couldn't do either w/o the Facebook account, lol. Not getting one. Not even tempted. Though years ago I had one and loved it because of Farmville (a very addictive game, and I rarely play video games). :) Have a good non-expletive kind of week! :)

    1. Not even tempted by the power of the Dark Book? I'm impressed, Rosey. Not surprised but impressed nevertheless. Farmville... I remember that game. The Missus was addicted to it.

    2. My husband doesn't have any social media accounts either Rosey. I thought he was the only one not on Facebook. I think he's probably one of the few smart ones left in the world not jumping on the social media train.

    3. Your husband is one cool guy. I may be biased...

  13. I would attend one of your lectures, FOR SURE. Everything with a grain of salt these days. And then may as well salt the earth as we're done

    1. Amen to that. Oh I'm sure there's nothing I have to say that you don't already know :)

  14. I think I'm a bit like Mary!
    "I try to stay away from the news media as much as possible."

    All the best Jan

  15. I'm in support of saying fuck quite a lot. It's very versatile.

    (Now I have an image of a blue dick in my head though, thanks for that :(

  16. I like the word fuck and use it as frequently as possible. My daughter bought me an adult f bomb coloring book for my birthday because I love the word so much ;)

    As for the news, it's hard to trust it these days. It's always about sensationalizing every little thing that happens, or pitting political parties or people of different races against each other just so they can get their ratings up. I seriously hate the news and what it has become.

    1. An adult f bomb coloring book... Can't have enough of those. I fucking hate that fucking news, too. I need to get me a fucking adult f bomb coloring book. But be fore I do that... here's a clip for you: CLICK!

    2. That is my favorite movie clip of ALL TIME! I swear, when we were kids we had this movie on tape and we kept rewinding that part until we had it memorized. Good times!

    3. No need to swear :) I believe you. It's a fucking great scene. See... I can fucking do it, too! Those were the days when the PC Brigade didn't dick-tate our every word.

  17. Holy fuck, it's been a long fucking time since I've been in the blogosphere, hasn't it? Don't worry, though, I've been doing plenty of good things while I've been away, like watching the News™, which has told me exactly what to think. And now I would like to pass that along to you and tell you exactly what to think. Stop struggling. This will only take a moment.

    1. Holy fuck, you're still alive. WE'RE still a.l.i.v.e. Extra extra read all about it (on FB!).... Good to hear you're allowing yourself that quick fix of I-need-to-know-what-to-think-or-life-would-suck-and-then-what. You're really modern that way. You don't happen to be... a millennial? Strike that. Delete delete.

  18. Hi Blue,
    I haven't done FB in over a year and at present have no desire to go back.
    I wished the media would have bleeped the S Hole remark. I got so tired of hearing that repeated on the news.
    I love your graphics. These were like a puzzle, seeing how many blogs I could recognize:)
    Hope your day was pleasant and your evening restful.

  19. Well...I have to admit, I enjoy Facebook. Wait, wait...let me "splain Lucy"! (My inner Ricky Ricardo there)

    Facebook is a tool, much like a chainsaw. I own a Chainsaw and I use it to help my son trim the big tree in the front yard every year, it's a great tool.

    Do I use the chainsaw to cut out patterns when sewing? To cut pictures out of a magazine when collaging? No! There are better tools to use for those projects and a chainsaw just doesn't fit the bill.

    Chainsaws? WTH Alicia, what is your point? Ok, my point is Facebook is a tool, a useful tool that you can alter/program to fit your needs.

    My need for Facebook is to keep up with family members, old school mates and I'm in a couple of Art Groups that really inspire me and even in a Lowering your Cholesterol group.

    I've designed my Facebook feed to show me what I want to see, which is mainly art and funny cat videos.

    There's a little clicky thing in the upper right hand side that you can click on a video you don't like and just say you don't want to see crap like this ever again...and guess what? With a little time and effort you get rid of all that stuff and only end up with what you want.

    I know it's not for everyone, but it's not the devil people make it out to be.

    So there for what it's worth are my two cents! I really love the way you write, it's like I'm sitting there in that hall watching you do the presentation. I can see the slides in my head! Awesome post!


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