Mission: Impossible — Fallout

When I say I had sweaty hands coming out of the movie theater, I mean sweaty hands as if I'd just had naughty sex with G.I. Jane herself. Dear Lord, this movie is the embodiment of all things action, and however you may feel about Tom Cruise the crazy guy on Oprah's couch, watching him do the things he does in this movie that I'm sure his Mama, lawyer and insurance company told him not to will instill a deep-seated respect in you for someone who does not cheat. This guy is the real deal. This is the ultimate action movie, and I dare you to climb that rope with him.

What rope? Exactly. Well, those who've seen the trailer will know what I'm talking about. The sixth Mission: Impossible, starring Tom Cruise, Simon Pegg and Ving Rhames, not to mention the stellar Rebecca Ferguson and Henry 'Check Out My Beard' Cavill, is a movie that makes The Avengers look like Pokémon. And I love Pokémon. Okay, the convoluted plot is absurd when you think about it, and there are more coincidences in it than the universe has ever intended, but somehow that doesn't spoil any of the fun. There are three bombs and there is Ethan Hunt. What more do you need to know?

Yes, I have seen Skyscraper. I saw it a couple of weeks ago, and muscle man Dwayne Johnson was trying his darnest to make me believe I wasn't looking at expensive pixel porn made in a computer but, no... Pokémon it was from beginning to end — high-altitude (but not really) Pokémon. There's something about green screen and CGI that makes us want to sit back and chew on that overpriced popcorn. There was something about this movie that made me completely forget I had overpriced popcorn to chew on. And I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say that Tom Cruise is the only real action hero to be admired on the big screen today. Did I mention that James Bond can eat his own heart out? I wouldn't be surprised if he was sitting in the back, sweaty hands clinging to a glass of Martini. I mean, great as some of those movies may be, you just know when a stuntman is taking over the hard work while Daniel Craig is enjoying his pretzels in his trailer, and you just know that this is Bond in front of a green screen. But Tom, that crazy guy, is never shaken. He is never stirred. No, sir.

Oh yes, it's also a very beautifully shot movie. Great editing. Great action. Great score, too. It's all vvvvvvery impressive. But... Tom is here to save the day! And you'd better bring a parachute. That guy must have Pokémon for breakfast.

Hungry yet?

★★★★★