"Though we cannot make our sun stand still, yet we will make him run."
Blue, resist the urge to use facebook. You can do it. Good luck.
Cats and dogs can be friends. So can cowboys and indians. So can we.
Will you ever reach Bora?

Sunday, December 1, 2019

Incomplete Transcript of Lecture Three: Hypersensitivity 2.0

Good morning, students. I'm back. Not to talk about the bleeps that breed hypocrisy— that kind of got me into trouble with the authorities haha — but to delve deeply, and confidently, into the emergence of a new type of hypersensitivity. What we're dealing with is a ubiquitous mental flaw slowly eating away our collective sense of humor and replacing it with a non-debatable set of rules that dictate what is funny and what is not. Big Brother has well and truly arrived, boys and girls, and he is not amused.

[Shows slide #1, assuming a solemn pose like a messenger of great things.]

Take a good look at this stern face. This is George Orwell, the author of 1984, a book no one in this room has ever read. Except maybe for Professor Rumbold sitting over there. Authoritarian states may just be his thing haha.

[Laughter. Professor Rumbold is not amused.]

Morning, Professor Rumbold! Professor Rumbold is the kind gentleman who had me escorted off the premises the last time I spoke here. You may remember. Anyway... who would've thought that Orwell's dystopian novel would ring true today? This may come as a surprise to you, but you have all been successfully brainwashed. You don't realize 2019 is the new 1984.

Everything needs to be controlled. Humor in particular needs to be controlled — or so those who have clout and yell by far the loudest on the internet. You see, even calling you boys and girls is considered an act of sexism, not a sense of humor allowing you to practice how to take a joke and develop a healthy resilience should things ever get really serious one day. Dare I say that many women feel offended when you call them girls, but when you call a group of men boys, somehow it's all right. Humor, men and women of the audience, is under attack, and some would argue that calling you men and women is offensive too. We have to say, "people of the audience" or "members of the audience" or comrades. We have become so sensitive that a joke is all too often seen as an act of violence. I'm not surprised that today's youngsters are not resilient. You make a harsh joke and they break.

This new hypersensitivity knows no bounds, so we keep walking on eggshells and hope for the best: Will I be fired when I say this in public? Is it OK to make this joke? Will I be thrown in the slammer or just be vilified for a couple of months by The Online Social Justice Warrior Brigade, the Thought Police who think they know what's appropriate humor and what is not? And they do not hesitate to keep hammering home the message that a certain type of joke is reprehensible until every single one of us parrots their unifying worldview to our heart's content. Isn't that correct, Professor Rumbold? Or should I say, "Comrade Rumbold"? Somehow Comrade Rumbold does have a politically-correct ring to it.

[Laughter. Professor Rumbold bites his tongue. Professor Blue pretends his hands are puppets.]

"How has your day been, Comrade Rumbold?" 
"Wonderful. Just wonderful. How has your day been, Comrade Blue?" 
"Excellent. Feeling particularly comradorious. Don't you just love this red sky?"
"Yes, I do. Red is my favorite color. In fact, my nickname is Red Rumbold."
"You don't say, Comrade Red Rumbold."

[Laughter. Professor Rumbold dials a number on his phone and looks at Professor Blue.]

So we keep walking on eggshells and pretend everything is fine. Everything is NOT fine. Here is slide #2. The telescreens in Orwell's novel and your mobile phones have a lot in common. You don't have to be a rocket scientist to...

[Two security officers enter the lecture room.]

Well, whaddayaknow, here comes the cavalry. Again. Hello, Security Officers. Put a smile on your grim faces, will you? I know you can say, "Comrad Rumbold." Can you say "Red Rumbold" for me? "Rrrrrrrrrrrumbold." Hey, don't touch me. This isn't funny hahaha. Say: Rrrrrrrrrumbold. Rrrrrrrrrrrumbold.  Comrad Rrrrrrrrumbold. Look, Big Brother is watching me, and he's not amused.

[Professor Rumbold is not amused.]

No sense of humor whatsoever. I rest my case.  Boys and girls, I'm going now! I'm... Don't put your hand on my butt! Study chapters 6 and 8 and grow a spine! I...

[End of transcript.]

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Lecture room 101
Incomplete Transcript of Lecture One: Hypocrisy and the Human Selfie Stick
Incomplete Transcript of Lecture Two: When the Beeps and the Blurs Breed Hypocrisy