I'm the best president there will ever be!
Look at me wasting millions while you're just poor
Look at me trying to lure you like a wrinkly old whore
Look how everything I do is about the person that I'm not
And how the things I say are meant to fool you a whole lot
I'm rich and that's why right now I'm here and I am running
Poor folks can never be as stunning
Or as presidential
Or as pure
Or so self-indulgent they feel they deserve
(They'd better not have the nerve)
To talk about ME! ME! ME! like kids trying to get picked
Don't the masses realize they're just getting dicked?
Oh how I love the things I want to put on your frigging plate
I'm here to save you all before it's just too late
Or so I'll make you think
For the truth is I stink
I'm here because I have a thirst for power
I stink so much I could use a shower
I'm shamelessly talking about the person I love the most
Now, you know that is ME from coast to coast:
I'm fantastic, I love your kids and maybe you as well
Look at me wave while trying to hide my smell
Aren't you impressed by the way I point
At your voters' joint?
Look at me point at you as if we're buddies and I count
You should see my savings account or my checking account
Or any account that's being hidden in my name
I call it hide and sneak — it's such a fun game!
Trying to hide the skeletons I adore
While you're busy kissing my feet walking on your floor
While you're wanting to believe I care about you
Look at me playing dirty calling it a world view
Watch me as I try to hypnotize you with my speech
The one I never wrote myself because I'm just a leech
Then pretend it's all mine 'cause I'm such a jerk
But a smart jerk
Such a loving jerk
Such a wonderful human being too
Just as long as my magic works on you,
You're willing to shine my shoe and sniff my shiny poo
And tell others how great a person I am
That, in fact, I'm the embodiment of Uncle Sam
Or Auntie Sam for I've got balls
I am so rich I could buy Yosemite falls
But not you haha — you just trust my every word...
Now, wouldn't it be great to belong to my herd?
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